


Open a New Door

by Commander



Category: Kaeloo (Cartoon)
Genre: Cartoony violence, Coming of Age, Did I forget anything?, Dirty Jokes, Dirty Talk, Dramedy, Explicit Language, F/M, Kaeloo is intersex, Lots of Sex, Mr. Cat has abuse in his past, Other, Repression, adulting or trying to, but that was kind of a given in canon anyway, some suicidal thoughts in a flashback
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-10-25 00:43:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 80,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20715275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Commander/pseuds/Commander
Summary: Maybe it's time for Kaeloo to finally start acting her age. But where to start? By confronting everything she's been repressing all these years in Smileyland, of course. Well... there's no going back now...





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Me again. :)
> 
> After about five months of working on this nearly every evening, I'm back with a much longer Kaeloo fic than the last time. In fact, it's the second-longest story I've ever written. And the only story of mine that's longer than this one was written nearly a decade ago, back before I had neither a spouse nor children nor a full-time job, so I'd say that the writing of this one was even more impressive. ;)
> 
> This particular story ended up dividing into a prologue (here), fifteen chapters, and an epilogue. I plan on posting a new chapter every couple of days, serial style. I'll try to remember to add apropos tags, but I'll just throw it in here that there will be a lot of swearing and sex coming up. WHICH IS SOMETHING WE CAN ALL GET BEHIND, I THINK ;)
> 
> I'll also take the time to make my standard promise to respond to all reviews and comments, but I am fairly busy and it might take a few days. Please do know that even if it takes me awhile to respond (or if I unfortunately neglect to entirely) I appreciate each and every review I receive!
> 
> Also... I ended up creating a playlist for this fic, which can be accessed here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/61j74FGHAk5yqd5U6ebKF3 It contains a rather disproportionate amount of 90's torch songs lol (especially considering that's not what I normally listen too). If you'd like to hear what I listened to while writing this, take a listen!
> 
> I think that's enough blabbing for now... let's get on with the show! I hope you enjoy this fic. I've been working very hard on it these past few months and I'm excited to finally be able to share it. :)

It was an early morning like any other in Samesville. The fog had settled in thick and hazy, as it always did, blanketing the area.

But if you stopped and looked carefully through the fog, you’d see her… a small frog, standing at a crossroads, her posture assured but her face betraying her true conflicted feelings.

Kaeloo knew what she had to do. That didn’t mean that she _wanted_ to do it.

“What’s the matter, Kae? Did you forget which way to go?”

Kaeloo turned around, surprised but not startled. Her father’s voice could never startle her. He stood close to her, smiling encouragingly, and despite the situation, Kaeloo managed a smile back.

“I know what way I’m going, Dad.”

“It’s pretty well-ingrained in your head by now, isn’t it?” the older frog said with a good-natured grin. He pointed to their right. “Smileyland’s always been that way.”

Kaeloo flinched, her eyes darting down to the ground in shame… and despair. Yes, indeed, there it was, the door that served as a portal to Smileyland, just where it had always been, ever since Kaeloo had discovered it… years ago? Had it been years? Had it been that long since the angry, desperate, broken-hearted young frog had discovered this portal to an unknown dimension and shaped it into a world of her own, one where no one would ever be upset or hurt?

Yeah… the best laid plans had a way of spectacularly imploding in on themselves, didn’t they?

“I can’t go back to Smileyland,” Kaeloo choked out, not wanting to look at the door anymore. “Not after what I did yesterday.”

Her father’s smile faded into contemplation, but he still placed a hand on his daughter’s shoulder encouragingly. “You think running away will help you?”

“It’ll help _them_. My friends. Yesterday made it very clear to me that the only way I can keep them safe from me is to stay away from them. They’ll be okay.” She lifted her head up with determination, although pointedly still looking away from her portal. “In fact, they’ll be better off.”

Her father sighed lightly. One of the hardest things about being a parent, he mused, was having to step back and let your children figure things out for themselves—no matter how many bad decisions it took. “Well, you’re old enough to decide what’s best for you.”

Kaeloo winced again at that, although she didn’t rebuff the remark. Because he was right, she most certainly _was_ old enough… and had been for awhile, if she was honest with herself. It was time to finally start acting her age.

“This is best for everyone. To find a place where I can’t hurt anyone ever again, or where I won’t ever get hurt again either.” She gave her father a look of single-minded determination. “And that place is _not_ Smileyland.”

“Well then, where will you be going?” her father asked amiably. “Will you be staying here a little longer? You know your mother and I would love to have you.”

Kaeloo shook her head. “It’s not here either. I have to find someplace new.”

Her father sighed again, but held his tongue. “Well, if that’s your decision.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Dad, I’ll come back to visit all the time!” Kaeloo insisted, slightly misinterpreting her father’s disappointment. “No matter where I go, you and Mom will always be my parents and that will never change!”

Her father chuckled. “No, it sure won’t.” He pulled his daughter into a quick hug. “If you’re sure this is what you want to do, then I won’t keep you. Just… take care of yourself, will you? You worry so much about hurting other people and not enough about yourself.”

Kaeloo returned the hug. “I’ll be fine,” she said, hoping that it wasn’t a lie.

After one more pat on the back, her father let go of her. “Don’t be a stranger,” he said with a wink, and with that turned and left her to her crossroads.

Kaeloo looked to the right again, relieved that her father had departed. Because it was taking everything in her to not break down in tears.

She couldn’t do this. No, no, no, forget this whole stupid idea, she couldn’t abandon Smileyland! That was _her_ home of her own design after all! She hated change; what made her think she could force this one? No, she would go back through the portal to Smileyland, same as always, back to her friends, and things would be just like they were before.

Just like they were yesterday.

And Kaeloo wailed in horror and shame, sinking to her knees.

Yesterday hadn’t even been that different from any other day. Kaeloo had wanted to play scouts. She and her friends would go camping and sell imaginary cookies and sew little potholders and earn badges for their achievements, and whoever earned the most badges at the end of the day won! There were so many ways to earn badges that there had to be something enjoyable for _everyone _to do.

But then Stumpy refused to surrender his electronics for his camping trip and Quack Quack tried to obtain a nutrition studies badge by assembling a food guide pyramid comprised entirely out of yogurt and Mr. Cat had done nothing but made cracks about earning a “dismemberment badge” leering at Quack Quack all the while and Pretty made her sister do all the work for the cookie selling and gave her none of the credit and Olaf just stole all the badges when Kaeloo wasn’t looking.

In short... her friends acted like their usual selves.

And Kaeloo, too, acted like her usual self—she got angry. Very angry. She barely bothered to try to hold back her fury at them, and when she transformed into Bad Kaeloo she let loose, indiscriminately pulverizing whoever got in her way.

It was only when she de-transformed and was met with a pained silence that the reality of what made this time _different_ get through to her.

She let loose alright. On _all_ of them.

True, there’d been multiple targets of a single outburst before now. But usually, at the very least, Quack Quack and Eugly were spared and gave Kaeloo someone to converse with afterwards, to help her talk herself down. But even her kindest and gentlest friends were not lucky enough to escape her wrath this time.

Her six friends writhed on the ground, slowly, pained, barely moving at all, and the silence underscored the trauma that _everyone_ had suffered. All because of her.

Tears sprung to Kaeloo’s eyes.

“This… this isn’t right,” she murmured, her voice so low that her friends probably didn’t even hear her—which was fine, she didn’t deserve to be heard. “You’re my friends and I love you and—and I can’t keep doing this.”

She turned and ran away, tears blurring her vision, until she reached the familiar door to her childhood home, the door that led to Samesville. She opened it and slammed the door behind her and she hadn’t been back to Smileyland since.

And never would again.

Sniffling and wiping her eyes, Kaeloo stood up again with grim determination. They were her friends, her _only_ friends, the only real friends she’d _ever_ had. And that was why she had to do whatever it took to keep them safe.

Even if that meant keeping them safe from herself.

“No, I _can’t_ keep doing this,” she said softly.

And with one last longing, forlorn look towards the entrance to her beloved Smileyland, she turned to the left, swinging open the door to the unknown dimension and stepping into it before she could change her mind.


	2. Seeking Peace of Mind

Mornings in Smileyland were almost always the same. You’d be soundly asleep, minding your business, when out of an orange-colored sky… Flash! Bam! Alakazam!...

Dreadful morning cheer came by.

By way of a newspaper being flung from apparently nowhere and whacking your cat flap with such force that could have roused the dead.

Mr. Cat never liked being awoken in such a rude manner, but by now he was mostly used to it, excluding the rare days that fate or the newspaper gods or whoever was responsible for the early morning edition were kind enough to let him sleep in.

So after a customary grumbling and letting out a few curse words under his breath, he pushed open his flap, stretched, and grabbed the paper, taking it over to the recliner sitting out in the open and plopping down to catch up on the news.

It was kind of a weird ceremony—weird as most things were in Smileyland, Mr. Cat had to admit. What made it even stranger was that the paper never covered Smileyland news at all—it was the Samesville Herald. Mr. Cat didn’t have a clue where Samesville was, but despite its rather bland name there were always such strange and bizarre stories to be found in its pages that he always read it front to back, never missing a single story. Hell, if it was going to give him such a rude awakening, he might as well be awake for a reason.

He flipped through the pages, reading every line of every story, from the one about the senator who sued God to the sinkhole that gobbled up two houses, a horse, and a strawberry cheesecake. Followed by a recipe for strawberry cheesecake.

When he got to the back page, finished with reading all of the articles, and pulled out a pencil to start work on the crossword, Mr. Cat stopped suddenly, frowning.

Something… wasn’t quite right.

He flipped back through the pages of the paper—yes, he’d read every story from beginning to end. He’d finished. In one sitting.

And that _never_ happened.

He folded the paper and lowered it, looking from side to side anxiously. Having enough uninterrupted time to actually finish the paper all in one go was completely unheard of. Had the paper been delivered too early today? –No, that couldn’t be it, the sun was directly overhead signifying the noon hour.

Morning had officially passed by, as peaceful and uneventful as lounging in the recliner and reading the newspaper would suggest in any other place. Without any interruptions.

He was _always_ interrupted.

Where was Kaeloo, popping out of nowhere and announcing the day’s game without any regard as to whether anyone actually wanted to play it or not? Where was Stumpy, screaming about something utterly stupid and/or annoying? Where was Quack Quack, slurping down yogurt in such an irritating manner that Mr. Cat dearly wished to blow the beak right off his face (and often did)?

“Alright, you dorks,” he called aloud, his eyes still darting from side to side, “where are you? If this is some game where you’re going to sneak up on me and surprise me, you’re _dead meat!”_

Silence.

_“Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” _Mr. Cat screamed for lack of a response.

Still silence.

His eyes slowly widened. “You… you _are_ out there, right?”

Again, no answer.

Mr. Cat’s fist tightened against the rolled-up newspaper still held in his paw, an equal measure of anger and panic etched across his features.

And then, suddenly—

“Hey, Mr. Cat, why are you yelling so loud?”

Mr. Cat yelped and jumped at the sound of the voice behind him. It was Stumpy, ambling up casually, his handheld game console in his hands. Stumpy only barely looked up at him. Mr. Cat scowled anyway.

“What kind of game is this, you little weirdo?” he snarled at him.

Stumpy brightened. “It’s awesome, that’s what it is!” He jumped up on the armrest of the recliner and held out his console so that Mr. Cat could see it. “It’s Medieval Empires, and it’s kind of old-timey and boring even with all the swordfights, but I looked online for cheat codes and I found this one that gives you a sports car with a bazooka on top! Check this out!” Laughing maniacally, he moved his car across the Middle Ages setting of his game, blowing up forts and barracks with a single blast.

Mr. Cat raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “That _is_ pretty neat. Bazookas improve everything—” He stopped himself, shaking his head roughly, and snapped back to his angry glare at Stumpy. “Have you been waiting behind me this whole time just to startle me?!”

Stumpy shook his head, looking at Mr. Cat as though he had a few screws loose. “No, I’ve been playing my game this whole morning. I only came over here because you were yelling so loud.”

“Quack,” agreed Quack Quack, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. He was sucking down a yogurt pack, as usual, but he also held in his other hand a notepad, filled with rough sketches and scribbles.

“Ooh, you’re working on your theory of the universe and missing socks?” Stumpy said, leaning over and peering at Quack Quack’s work. “You’ve gotten a lot of work done on that! Usually you don’t have the time to get so much done!”

WHACK!

Mr. Cat swung the newspaper to one side, decking Stumpy in the face. Then, for good measure, he swung it the other way, hitting Quack Quack as well (although he took care to not disrupt his calculations; whatever he was working on _did_ seem interesting). “If you numbskulls are going to interrupt me, at least do it at your usual time! I don’t like waiting!”

“We weren’t waiting to interrupt you!” Stumpy protested, quickly standing back up. “I told you, I wasn’t going to come over here at all until you started yelling at nothing and I just wanted you to shut up!”

Mr. Cat paused. He felt… uneasy. Something still wasn’t right. “Have you been playing that game all morning, nutcracker?” he asked.

Stumpy nodded eagerly. “Yeah! And I’ve already gotten to level fifty-sev—”

Mr. Cat backhanded Stumpy right in the mouth, shutting him up again. “And you, duckface, you’ve been working on that equation of yours all morning?”

Quack Quack nodded, although he held the notepad behind his back, apparently fearful of it getting backhanded just like Stumpy’s face.

Mr. Cat continued to frown, but his eyes lit up with a sudden realization of just _what _was wrong. “Where’s the frog?”

Stumpy rubbed at his jaw. “Who, Kaeloo?”

Mr. Cat rolled his eyes. “No, the _other_ frog,” he said sarcastically.

Stumpy’s eyes lit up. “There’s another frog here? AND NOBODY TOLD ME?!”

Mr. Cat slapped a paw against his face in irritation. Then, he slapped Stumpy.

_“YES, OF COURSE I MEANT KAELOO, YOU IDIOT!_ Where is she?”

Stumpy rubbed his cheek, glaring sourly at Mr. Cat. “Well, you could have made that more clear!”

“And you could have more brains in that skull of yours, but here we are—”

“I don’t know where she is,” Stumpy said quickly, cutting Mr. Cat off. “I haven’t seen her all day.”

Surprised, Mr. Cat turned his head to Quack Quack.

“Quack,” Quack Quack said solemnly, shaking his head.

“No wonder everything feels off,” Mr. Cat mumbled to himself. “By this time she would have jumped in and told us what game we’re playing today. Usually I don’t get the time to finish the paper in one sitting, or you get the time to get so far in your game, or you—uh, don’t have the time to work on your theory of the universe, or whatever—”

“Well, what’s the problem?” Stumpy demanded. “We got some time to ourselves this morning; what’s the big deal?”

Mr. Cat’s frown deepened. “Since when has she ever given us time to ourselves?”

Quack Quack said nothing to that, only frowning thoughtfully, scratching the underside of his beak.

Stumpy shrugged nonchalantly. “Maybe she’s just playing hide-and-seek and forgot to tell us.”

Mr. Cat smirked at that, instantly feeling a bit better. “Yeah, that is something she’d do, isn’t it?”

“So we get to go find her now?” Stumpy grinned, tossing his console to the side. _“Cool!”_ Then he suddenly panicked, diving after it drastically. _“WAIT A MINUTE, DID I REMEMBER TO SAVE?!”_

Mr. Cat set his newspaper aside as well, albeit with a bit more care than Stumpy had with his console. “I can finish that crossword puzzle later. Let’s go find her and get this over with.”

“Quack,” Quack Quack agreed, placing his notepad next to the paper—that is, until Mr. Cat swatted it away.

“Find your own space for your scribbles, duck.”

…

Kaeloo wasn’t sure of the name of the place that she found herself in; she only knew that she didn’t care for it. Multitudes of people moved through the congested city streets swiftly, hurrying their way to a destination that none seemed eager to reach. Kaeloo, of a small stature and feeling very much like a fish out of water, winced and tried to avoid their harried footsteps.

“Um, excuse me?” she said, trying to make her voice audible over the din.

No one heard.

Kaeloo fretfully forced herself against the wall of a nearby building in a desperate attempt to avoid getting trampled, breathing heavily.

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis was a mistake. A huge mistake.

Pressed against the wall, she frantically looked back and forth for an escape—any escape.

One sign against what looked to be a subway entrance gave her a single flicker of hope: “SOCIAL SERVICES - 8TH ST” with an arrow pointing at the entrance.

“Social services…” Kaeloo said aloud, her voice shaking with uncertainty. “They can help me find my footing… right?”

When a break in foot traffic appeared, Kaeloo took her chance, darting forward and down the steps to the underground transport. She hurried down the stairs, grateful to be out of the hodgepodge of urban pedestrians, but also growing increasingly uneasy as the stairs led to a winding underground tunnel, its end nowhere in sight.

At length, she finally found herself in a line of passengers. Curious, she looked ahead, seeing a ticket window where the subway patrons were paying for their passage.

And then she blanched, her limbs stiffening. “I don’t have any money!” she squeaked out loud.

As the line inched forward, Kaeloo did too, although her face seemed to be frozen in a look of pure terror. What would happen when she found herself at the ticket booth? Would she be allowed to pass? Would she be cruelly laughed away? Would she be _arrested_?

There were only two things that held her back from turning around and running back out—one, she had nowhere else to go, and two… no matter what humiliation awaited her, she deserved it for how she’d treated her friends.

She deserved all of this.

In what seemed to be no time at all, the person ahead of her bought his tickets, and now it was Kaeloo’s turn. The cashier looked down at her condescendingly. “Where are you headed, miss?” she asked.

Kaeloo gulped. “Well, you see, ma’am, I don’t have any money, and…”

The ticket taker scoffed. “If you don’t have any money, please leave the line and let the next paying passenger through.”

“You don’t understand,” Kaeloo begged, “I’m from—”

“Hey, kid, don’t worry,” the porcupine behind her piped up, stepping up to the window. “I’ll pay for your ticket. Where are you headed?”

Kaeloo gaped, hardly able to process the act of kindness she had been given. “Uh—Eighth Street,” she finally squeaked out.

The porcupine held out her credit card and stated her destination, and just like that two tickets were printed out, the porcupine handing the one to Eighth Street to Kaeloo. “Here you go, dear,” she said, a kind smile on her face. “Do you need anything else?”

Kaeloo quickly shook her head, trying to stop the tears of gratitude that were welling in her eyes. “No, ma’am. Thank you!”

“You’re very welcome.” The porcupine gave her one last smile before moving down the corridor, apparently in a bit of a hurry.

For the first time since arriving here, Kaeloo felt herself smiling. There was kindness here. Even if it was just a glimmer of kindness, it was still there. And as long as kindness was there, she’d be okay.

She hoped.


	3. A Window to the Soul

After what felt like a chaotic whirlwind of getting pushed and shoved through the subway station and onto the train, Kaeloo finally (and somehow) reached her destination in one piece. Exiting the underground and stepping back onto the street, she felt simultaneously proud of herself for navigating that urban sprawl like she had, and terrified at where she was and not having a clue of where to go next. A pang at her heart nearly made her buckle over with grief; she wished her friends were there. Nothing ever seemed scary with them there. Mr. Cat especially; he’d know what to do.

Kaeloo pushed her fist into her mouth and clamped down hard; just thinking about him made it feel like her heart was shattering inside of her. She desperately tried to ignore the sensation; she didn’t need that feeling on top of everything else, and she _definitely_ didn’t need to ponder why thinking of him especially made her feel so torn apart. Instead, she made herself focus on why she’d ventured to this street in the first place: the promised social services.

She took a cautious step forward, careful to avoid getting too close to the omnipresent foot traffic. Her gaze flittered up as best as it could to read the signs marking each blocky, stone building in front of her.

It was just a few buildings down, the one marked “SOCIAL SERVICES”.

Kaeloo gulped, trying to summon the courage to make the step towards her destination.

_I’ve already gone this far. Why should I chicken out now when I’m nearly there? Do I want to have made all that progress back there for nothing?!_

That thought was all it took to send her marching resolutely towards the building.

She crossed the street, ascended the stairs, and pushed open the door, her face set with determination.

The receptionist looked up at her when she entered with a neutral expression. “Can I help you?” he asked.

“Social services, please!” Kaeloo said crisply. “I’m in need of services of the social nature!”

She winced as soon as the words left her mouth; god, _that_ was cheesy.

The receptionist didn’t notice the awkwardness she felt, or if he did he didn’t remark on it. “Down this hallway and to the left,” he said cordially, motioning towards a well-lit hallway.

“Thank you!” Kaeloo said, forcing herself to grin, and headed down the hallway he’d indicated. It didn’t take long to find the office she was seeking.

She hesitated for only a moment before entering.

The entry room was small, with just a few comfortable-looking chairs gathered around a table topped with a stack of magazines, and another receptionist behind a desk. She looked up at Kaeloo with a gentle expression. “May I help you?” she asked.

“I need some social services,” Kaeloo blurted out, pressing her hands against the desk and leaning forward towards the receptionist. “I understand that this is the place to find them…?”

The receptionist smiled at her, not at all put off by her in-your-face demeanor. “Indeed it is! And I think Dr. Clark has an opening at the moment… let me check.” She quickly typed for a few seconds on her keyboard. “Yes, she’s available now, if you’d like to be seen today. Should I make an appointment for you for, um, now?”

Kaeloo nodded eagerly. “Yes please!”

The receptionist quickly entered a bit more data. “Alright, then! Dr. Clark will see you shortly. Please have a seat. She will call you back when she’s ready.”

Kaeloo quickly sank into an oversized armchair, letting it swallow all of her nerves. She was, of course, still immensely proud of the fortitude it had taken to bring herself here to this unknown place and all on her lonesome. But on that same token, being in a strange place alone, without any of her friends’ comforting presence, was practically eating her alive. She wanted to die. Or at least to completely disappear.

An ostrich in medical scrubs stuck her head out of the doorway next to the receptionist’s desk. “I’m ready for my walk-in appointment,” she called.

“That’s me!” Kaeloo squeaked out, shooting out of the chair like a bullet.

Dr. Clark smiled at her. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Clark.” She extended a wing.

Kaeloo took it and shook it warmly. “I’m Kaeloo!”

“Well, Kaeloo, let’s gather in my office and start assembling your profile so we can figure out just what services you’ll be needing from us.” Dr. Clark turned back down the hallway and took long strides to her office at the other end, Kaeloo having to run a bit to keep up.

“A place to live, for starters!” she said quickly.

“Well, that’s just one thing we can help you with!” smiled Dr. Clark, opening the door to her office. “But we offer lots of other services as well, like job placement, counseling, safety training…”

Kaeloo followed Dr. Clark into her warm-colored office, sparsely decorated with a few potted plants. “I guess I need all of that, too,” she admitted sheepishly.

“Well, let’s start at the beginning. Have a seat.” Dr. Clark motioned to a high-backed chair near the window, and as Kaeloo sat down Dr. Clark sat in the seat next to her. She pulled a tablet out from a pocket inside her scrubs. “We need to get some basic information down first. Can you tell me your last name, Kaeloo?”

Kaeloo hesitated at that. Last names weren’t really a thing where she was from… _both_ of the places she could say she was from. “Er… The Frog?” she finally offered with a shrug.

“Alright.” Dr. Clark inputted the data. “And your age?”

Kaeloo’s limbs stiffened. “Twelve,” she answered automatically.

Dr. Clark lowered the tablet and looked at Kaeloo sternly. “If you want me to help you, Kaeloo The Frog, you’re going to need to be honest with me.”

“I _am_ being—”

“And I should let you know that my best friend is a frog, so I’m rather familiar with your species, and so I know that tadpoles don’t normally completely lose their tails until age fifteen or sixteen. So you’re at _least_ that old. On the other hand, if you are twelve, then I can’t offer any services to you without your parents’ permission, so you’ll have to bring them in—”

“Wait, wait!” Kaeloo interrupted quickly. “I’m not actually twelve, I’m…” She paused, her eyes growing wide. “I, uh, I don’t know if I remember…” This was not reflecting well on her and she was only on the second basic question. She quickly began counting on her fingers. “I was—I was on the edge of seventeen when I discovered Smileyland—” she winced at that, having never acknowledged that out loud before— “and I lived there for… two? Two years?” She winced even harder at that. Had it really been that long? “So… I’m nineteen? I think? Yes. Let’s say… nineteen.”

She absolutely wanted to die. Saying her true age aloud was akin to dropping a cement block on the tiny chance she was still clinging to of changing her mind about this whole thing. And the doctor who was going to help her probably thought she was a nutcase by now.

“Nineteen sounds much more reasonable for you than twelve,” Dr. Clark said, turning back to the tablet. As she typed this in, she remarked lightly, “It seems as though your age is a bit of a sore spot for you.”

“I… I don’t want to grow up,” Kaeloo admitted sheepishly.

“And yet seeking out assistance with living and working arrangements is a very grown-up thing to do,” Dr. Clark observed with a small smile.

Kaeloo bristled defensively. “It wasn’t supposed to be this way, though! When I laid the groundwork for Smileyland it was supposed to be a place where no one ever had to grow up and everyone could be a kid and happy forever. But that was obviously a failure. A complete, utter failure. I grew up anyway and _nobody’s_ happy. Nobody! And it’s all because of _me!”_ Tears suddenly spilled out of her eyes and her face crumpled forlornly, and she sobbed uncontrollably, unable to continue with the cheerful façade.

Dr. Clark set her tablet down, looking genuinely concerned for her newest client. “Here,” she said quickly, leaning over towards Kaeloo with a box of tissues in her hand. Kaeloo sniffled gratefully and pulled out a few, blowing her nose with one and dabbing her still gushing eyes with the others.

“Kaeloo,” Dr. Clark said gently, moving back to her own chair, “I don’t think we’re going to make much headway on assessing your social services needs before dealing with these feelings. I’m not just a social services counselor—I’m also a psychiatrist. So if you’d like—“

“I’ve seen plenty of shrinks before,” Kaeloo said through her whimpering, although the sobs were subsiding a bit and her voice was growing a bit stronger, “and none of them have helped much—but sure, go ahead.”

Dr. Clark rummaged through her desk and pulled out a device that looked a bit like a long, rectangular periscope, with one end by the handle skinny but became wider and wider towards the other end. “Did any of them have this device?”

Kaeloo sat up, surprised, and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes as best she could. “What is that?” she asked.

“It’s called a Psyche ViewMaster. Not a lot of other mental health care professionals have one. They’re a fairly new piece of technology.” Dr. Clark held the device carefully in both hands, her tone and expression still gentle and supportive, causing any unease Kaeloo had towards the strange contraption to remain at a minimum. “When pressed against your forehead, it will project personifications of your core personality building blocks, shall we say, onto the wall. Seeing them in front of us in that way gives us a clear view of what we’re working with and how best to proceed. Of course, you’ll need to consent to the procedure before we do anything. It’s painless and has no ill side effects—it’s really nothing more than opening the blinds of your psyche. But whether or not we do it at all is completely up to you.”

Kaeloo stared at the odd device, her curiosity stronger than her apprehension. Yes, of course the procedure sounded like it could be rather embarrassing, but Kaeloo had already thoroughly embarrassed herself pretty much the second she walked into this building, so at this point, what did she have to lose?

“What do I have to lose?” Kaeloo tried to make herself smile. “Let’s try it!”

Dr. Clark stood up and drew the curtains of the window, darkening the room a degree or two. She then sat down in the chair next to Kaeloo and gently touched the narrow end of the device to her forehead. “If at any point you feel uncomfortable or don’t wish to continue, just tell me and we’ll stop.”

“I’ll be fine,” Kaeloo insisted, gulping deeply and sitting up a bit straighter. She already knew that whatever this thing showed would reveal she was an absolute mess, but perhaps she could control her thoughts in a way that didn’t make it seem like she was _completely_ without hope.

And indeed, the first image projected on the far wall appeared to be a positive one—it looked just like her, smiling and excited, waving enthusiastically.

“What an encouraging start!” Dr. Clark exclaimed. “Your carefree, playful, fun-loving side is the first one to introduce itself.”

“That’s my most important aspect!” Kaeloo said, beaming happily. “I love to have fun and make other people happy! It’s the most important thing to me! And—”

But she quickly stopped speaking when she saw another figure step in. It looked similar to the first one, but with a stern expression on its face, wagging a finger at the first figure who now looked confused and a little hurt. Kaeloo too had a look of confusion on her face, and her eyes flickered over towards Dr. Clark, who was studying the scene intently.

“Now that,” she mused, “is a strong need for order and control. One that is often at odds with your carefree self—and seems to be the overpowering one.” She pointed at the projection. “See how the controlling one is larger than the playful one?”

Kaeloo winced. “Oh my goodness, Mr. Cat was right to call me a control freak,” she whimpered out.

Another figure quite suddenly barged into the scene, much larger than the other two, and with a different yet still uncomfortably familiar appearance. Kaeloo winced as it roared savagely at the other two.

“And this—” Dr. Clark began.

“Is my anger,” Kaeloo finished, looking down at the ground in shame. “I’m well acquainted with this one. She’s the cause of all my problems. And all of the problems that I cause my friends.”

“That’s quite a healthy dose of anger you’ve got there,” Dr. Clark remarked dryly. “And it looks as if your other two personality aspects don’t care for—oh, what do we have here?”

Kaeloo looked at the projection, more confused now than ever before. A fourth figure had joined her personifications, with the strange appearance of being somehow halfway between her normal self and her bad self, and nearly as large as her anger personification as well. It gave a sly wink towards anger, who roared at the newcomer just like it had at the first two figures to appear. Those figures, who now looked pathetically small in comparison, seemed to be pointedly and awkwardly ignoring the newcomer.

“What on earth is _that?”_ Kaeloo cried out, aghast.

“Hmm.” Dr. Clark scratched her chin thoughtfully. “I do believe that is your lust, Kaeloo.”

“My lust?!” Kaeloo’s face engulfed in red-hot shame. “Th-there must be some mistake, Doctor, I don’t have any lust, I-I’m a good girl…”

“I’m sure you are a good girl, because there’s nothing wrong with having lust. Even that much lust. Most people have it. Yours is one of the larger ones I’ve seen.”

“That’s something else! It’s not my lust! _I don’t have lust!” _Kaeloo’s embarrassment was thankfully greater than her anger at the moment, or she would have transformed right then and there in Dr. Clark’s office.

“Looks like it’s been hidden for awhile and is enjoying getting to show off,” Dr. Clark remarked with a light smile, as the lust personification posed and smiled seductively, anger still growling at it and playfulness and order still keeping their backs turned towards it and their eyes fiercely closed, playfulness even covering its ears.

Kaeloo herself was doing the same. “I’m not listening, lalala…”

“Very well-defined as well, especially from someone denying it even exists at all. Do you know if this is just lust in general, or is this brought on by someone specific?”

“It’s not even th-th-th…” Kaeloo’s shoulders sagged and she pressed her face into her hands, truths about herself that she’d denied for so long she’d forgotten of their very existence now too blatant to ignore. “Someone specific,” she mumbled helplessly.

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Dr. Clark said with an encouraging smile.

Kaeloo pulled her hands from her face, glaring indignantly, trying as hard as she could to keep her anger under control. “You don’t understand, Doctor, I’m not—I’m not _normal_ down there, and—and even if I was, it wouldn’t matter because I’m a freak inside AND out and no one wants me, no one could EVER want me, I’m just a giant joke, and—and it’s all _pointless!” _Anger gave way to despair, and she buried her face in her hands again, sobbing uncontrollably.

“You’re not a joke, Kaeloo,” Dr. Clark insisted, her voice still encouraging. “I’ve worked with thousands of people, from every walk of life, and I’ve never met a single joke. And you haven’t changed that fact. –Oh, oh my… it looks like we have one more persona to address.”

“Wh-what?” Kaeloo lowered her hands once more, peering up at the projection through her tears. Her mouth went agape at what she saw.

The fifth personification was huge. Bigger than anger by far. In fact, it was probably bigger than the other four combined. It looked like her normal self, but distressed—shaking, twitching, glaring at the other four as though she were about to transform. But it wasn’t quite anger that shone through her eyes; instead she looked filled with equal parts trepidation and hopelessness.

“I suspected as much,” Dr. Clark said, sighing a bit but still giving Kaeloo a sympathetic look. “That is your fear.”

“My fear?” Kaeloo repeated in a tiny voice.

“Yes. And it’s pushing everything else down, to such a degree that when one manages to break through, it’s total chaos.” She pulled the device away from Kaeloo’s forehead an inch or two. “I believe we’ve seen enough, don’t you agree?”

“Yes,” Kaeloo nodded, still unable to raise her voice beyond an abashed squeak. Dr. Clark completely removed the device and the projections on the wall disappeared. Kaeloo blinked, still feeling as though a giant hole had been ripped through her head—and heart.

She had expected this to go horribly, of course… but it somehow turned out even _worse_ than she’d imagined.

“I really am messed up,” she murmured to herself as Dr. Clark opened the curtains again, letting sunlight back into the office.

“Now then, I’ll be hearing none of that talk,” Dr. Clark said, sitting back down at her desk, continuing to address Kaeloo with both firmness and compassion. “You’re nothing of the sort. You have five very fine and useful strong personality traits.”

“They’re not fine!” Kaeloo protested. “Only the first one was any good! And maybe the second—but the others, the others are—”

“The others are extremely useful,” Dr. Clark stated. “Anger means that you won’t stand for injustice or cruelty. I worry more for people who have no anger at all. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with lust. It’s how we create life, after all—and even barring that, physical attention is a great way to show someone you love them. And fear? That may be the most beneficial of all. Fear keeps you safe from dangerous and foolish situations. The issue with your traits is that they are all uneven, keeping most of them pushed aside even when they’re needed most. What I’d like to work on for you is finding a good balance.”

“But I don’t need balance between those!” Kaeloo said desperately. “I need the anger and fear and lust—ESPECIALLY the lust—to go away completely! You don’t know how much I’ve suffered because of them! And my friends—how much I’ve hurt my friends—that’s why I left Smileyland and came here in the first place, so that I’d never have to hurt them again. I don’t want them to suffer because of me. I don’t want to live in fear of hurting them. And—and I don’t want to have—these feelings for someone who—who doesn’t return them…” She sniffled, pressing a hand to her mouth helplessly. It was just like the last time. No wonder she’d repressed this… this horrible feeling of lust and longing. The last time she’d felt and acted on a similar feeling, she’d been torn apart.

“What do you intend to do, then?” Dr. Clark asked matter-of-factly. “Ignore them, despite now knowing how much a part of you they are?”

Kaeloo blanched. “I—uh…”

“You worry about your friends, which is completely understandable. My concern is that until you fully acknowledge and address your imbalance, the pain that you’ve claimed to have caused your friends will just be transferred to whatever new friends you make here.”

Kaeloo drew in her breath. “History… repeating itself?”

“It’s quite likely,” Dr. Clark nodded, “especially if these issues are swept under the rug again.”

“But I don’t want to hurt _more_ people!” Kaeloo bemoaned.

“I get that, Kaeloo, and that’s why I’m trying to help you.” She quickly typed a few more things on her tablet, and the sound of a printer jolting to life cut through her next sentence. “I’ll print out a ticket authorizing you to some subsidized housing and welfare. In your current state I’m afraid I can’t recommend you for any preliminary job training at the moment, but I’d love to meet with you in the full context of psychiatrist rather than just social counselor to help you better manage your anger and fear.” The printer fell into silence, and Dr. Clark rose to pull the page from the printer and hand it to Kaeloo, along with a business card. “You can set up an appointment with Brenda at the front desk. And if you need anything, my number’s on the card. Feel free to call me at any time.”

Kaeloo looked at the page that Dr. Clark had printed for her. It was chock full of words and Kaeloo felt overwhelmed just looking at it. “What do I do with this?” she asked.

Dr. Clark pointed to an address near the top of the page. “Take this to the main office there. They’ll get you set up with a place to live and a small source of income while you’re getting yourself settled and seeking counseling.”

Kaeloo felt as if she were going to cry again, although this time it was mostly due to relief. “Thank you so much, doctor!” she squeaked out.

“You’re very welcome, Kaeloo,” smiled Dr. Clark. “I hope to hear from you again soon.” She opened the door and held it open for Kaeloo.

The frog made her way towards Brenda and the reception desk, still feeling rather gutted but also rather hopeful. Maybe, just maybe, with the right help, she’d be able to start over for real here and avoid every mistake she’d made before.

Maybe she really _could_ avoid hurting anyone she cared for ever again.


	4. Only Small Comforts

It had been a very long, frustrating afternoon of being the seekers in this game of hide-and-seek, and there was still no sign of Kaeloo anywhere.

“We’ve looked everywhere,” Mr. Cat grumbled, growing more and more agitated the longer this silly game took. “She’s not in the forest, she’s not with the sheep, she’s not rock-climbing—”

“We didn’t check underwater!” Stumpy interrupted.

Mr. Cat facepalmed. “Why would she be underw… oh wait. Duh. She’s a _frog.”_ Mr. Cat turned towards Quack Quack harshly. “You’re aquatic! You go look for her!”

Quack Quack wasn’t swayed by Mr. Cat’s severe demeanor, instead looking to be thoughtfully contemplating an idea of his own. “Quack,” he finally offered.

Mr. Cat scowled at the suggestion. “I am not going anywhere near them. _You’re_ the one who’s dating one of them; _you_ go ask!”

“Quack,” said Quack Quack, shrugging with acceptance, turning from Mr. Cat and Stumpy and heading towards the edge of the woods, where the bunny sisters lived.

“Hey! Wait for me! Don’t leave me here alone with him!” Stumpy yelped, running after Quack Quack.

“What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?!” Mr. Cat shouted roughly.

He watched them leave for only a few seconds before running after them.

“What the heck are you doing?” Stumpy cried when seeing him quickly catch up to them. “I thought you weren’t going anywhere near them!”

“My reluctance to traverse anywhere near that rabbit is overshadowed only by my desire to make you feel uncomfortable, and if you don’t want to be near me, then I’m going to be on you like stink on a skunk.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to be near you,” Stumpy countered straightforwardly. “I said I didn’t want to be _alone_ with you. If Quack Quack’s here, you’ll just torment him instead of me!”

Quack Quack shot Stumpy a look of annoyance.

“Wrong,” Mr. Cat grumbled. “I will torment both of you. And then the rabbits. And then the frog when we finally find her for sending us on this wild goose chase that’s wasted far too much time!”

Stumpy gulped. “Oh man… HURRY UP, QUACK QUACK! WE GOTTA FIND KAELOO, AND FAST!”

Fortunately, the three friends didn’t have to traverse the entire way. Their increasingly agitated conversation had grown loud enough that they were easily heard, and Eugly appeared over the horizon, making a joyful noise upon seeing Quack Quack. Quack Quack also quacked happily at the sight of his girlfriend and moved even faster to meet her.

“EUGLYYYYYYYYYY!” Her sister’s voice pierced through the air like a poisoned dart. “I didn’t say you could move yet!”

“Wonderful,” Mr. Cat muttered to himself. “Sounds like she’s in a _superb_ mood.”

Pretty marched up to Eugly, who was giving Quack Quack an encompassing hug. “And if you _were_ going to move, you could have at least warned me! I was still _standing_ on you, you know!”

“Why were you standing on her?” Stumpy blurted out, looking even more confused than usual.

Pretty sniffed lightly, brushing her ears back behind her. “The Wi-Fi signal’s uber spotty today. Standing on her shoulders was the only way I could get a signal to livestream my daily afternoon update. But now it’s been ruined! I lost my signal and was cut off mid-stream!”

“An act of mercy for your misguided followers,” Mr. Cat shrugged.

Pretty didn’t seem to register the insult, instead being much more focused on the one who’d said it. “Ooh, Mr. Cat,” she said, winking at him flirtatiously, apparently forgetting all about her interrupted video, “what’s a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?”

Mr. Cat rolled his eyes at her. “I’m not nice, and I’m not here by choice!”

“Quack,” Quack Quack explained to Eugly. Eugly thought for a second or two before shaking her head in the negative to answer his question.

“Ugh, you annoying duck,” Pretty complained, “why can’t you talk _normally?”_

“We’re trying to find Kaeloo,” Stumpy quickly explained to her. “She’s playing hide-and-seek and she’s really_ really_ good at it! Have you seen her?”

“Please, why would you insinuate I’ve ruined my day in such a way?” Pretty scoffed contemptuously. “No, I haven’t seen her. And in fact, after what she did yesterday, I’d just let her _stay_ hidden. I’m surprised you’re even wasting time looking for her.”

“Listen, thumper tits,” Mr. Cat snarled at her, “a simple ‘no’ would have sufficed!”

Pretty crossed her arms, giving Mr. Cat a slight glare. “Fine then. _No_. Now if that’s all you three wanted, I have a social media empire surely chomping at the bit for me to continue my video and no reason to dawdle any more than you’ve already made me… come _on_, Eugly!”

Eugly looked slightly disappointed, but she still shared a small smile and one more hug with Quack Quack before following her demanding sister back to their home and base of social media operations.

“Gee, you think she’s mad at Kaeloo?” Stumpy asked naively.

Mr. Cat didn’t respond or even seem to hear the question, as he was too busy pulling out a mallet and whacking Quack Quack over the head. “Well _that_ was a complete waste of time, genius! We’re no closer than we were before!”

“I mean, come on, of all the times Kaeloo’s lost her temper, that wasn’t any worse than it usually is,” Stumpy continued with a shrug.

Quack Quack pressed a wing to his head, wincing and narrowing his eyes at Mr. Cat. “Quack!”

To the untrained ear, it might have seemed as though the duck was just shouting out something in frustration and anger in reaction to getting hit. But Mr. Cat had known Quack Quack long enough by now to understand (most of) what he said. “The auk? He’d care less than that pink waste of space we just talked to!”

“Besides, that bruise over her right eye is quite fetching!” Stumpy grinned.

“Quack,” Quack Quack offered to Mr. Cat.

Mr. Cat exhaled in annoyance, although he had to admit the duck had a point. They’d exhausted all other ideas, so why not ask Olaf? “What have we got to lose at this point?” he asked wearily.

“What? No!” Stumpy shrieked at Mr. Cat, having only heard that part of the conversation. “It might be true, but I don’t think Ursula would appreciate me complementing another girl that way!”

“Get with the program, hazelnut!” Mr. Cat growled at him. “We’re going to ask the auk if he’s seen froggy.”

“What, Olaf?” Stumpy gasped. “What if he has? He could have done something awful to her!”

“If he has, he’s going to regret the day he ever even _thought_ about it,” Mr. Cat muttered to himself.

Stumpy heard it, however. “Ooh! What are you gonna do, Mr. Cat? What are you gonna do?”

Mr. Cat growled dangerously, quickly whipping out a bazooka and blasting an unsuspecting Quack Quack.

_“This! _Any other stupid questions?”

…

Kaeloo stood in the entryway of her new home, trying to take everything in.

It was small, homey enough, furnished with a few seating areas and a moderately comfortable-looking full-sized bed. The kitchen area seemed to be large enough to cook more than just quick meals in a microwave, with a small cooktop and oven situated next to the refrigerator. She couldn’t have really asked for more for what was essentially free housing, that is so long as she submitted proof that she was attending regular meetings with a psychiatrist and actively working towards being able to find a job. This was a very solid first step in securing her new home. Things were falling into place very nicely.

Kaeloo felt tiny. And overwhelmed. And terrified.

She had never been so alone like this. Which was ironic, of course, seeing as this new world she’d moved in to was overflowing with inhabitants. On her long walk to the housing committee she had never been alone on the sidewalk; the streets had been similarly filled with numerous drivers; and upon finally being assigned a small studio apartment, the building in which it was located was close to full occupancy, and Kaeloo even now could hear her upstairs neighbors moving about. But every new person she encountered just made her feel smaller and smaller, meeker and meeker, overwhelmed in a sea of unknown faces.

Smileyland, however… although the full list of its inhabitants would fit on a small notecard, Kaeloo had never once felt lonely there. They were her friends, and she’d always slept secure in the knowledge that they’d be there for her. She’d never actually been alone there, ever. When she, broken-hearted and desolate, first encountered the new domain, completely uninhabited and just waiting to be molded into her perfect world, it hadn’t been just her—Stumpy and Quack Quack had followed her, unwaveringly, truly excited to help her shape this new home of hers. The only times she’d ever felt lonely was at night, when they’d invariably return to Samesville (Stumpy to his own parents and house, but Kaeloo never quite knew where Quack Quack went), so for the first few weeks of living in Smileyland Kaeloo always returned back to Samesville and her parents as well.

But then Smileyland gained a fourth inhabitant.

Wearily sitting down in a worn recliner in her new, empty apartment, Kaeloo couldn’t stop her brain from reliving the happy memory, although at the beginning it had seemed far from encouraging. Night had fallen in Smileyland, and Kaeloo had remained standing by the portal door leading to her original home, not wanting to leave her perfectly constructed paradise but not wanting to remain alone in it, either.

Except she wasn’t alone.

“So are these those other portals you were telling me about?”

Kaeloo jumped a bit, turning towards the speaker and chuckling in embarrassment. “Oh, Mr. Cat! I wasn’t expecting you.”

“And I wasn’t expecting to see a field overflowing with detached doors,” Mr. Cat countered, motioning towards them, “yet here we are.”

“Yes, we’re here! And yes, these are the other portals.” Kaeloo slipped into silence, gazing over the vast expanse of portal after portal. She hadn’t really registered just how many there were until Mr. Cat had explicitly pointed it out.

Mr. Cat took a step forward, standing side-by-side with Kaeloo. “Have you been through all of them?”

Kaeloo shook her head. “Oh goodness, no, Mr. Cat. Just this one.” She motioned towards the portal that lead to Samesville.

“And you were about to go through it again, weren’t you?”

Kaeloo flushed, although she wasn’t sure why. Wanting to return to her parents’ house for the night was nothing to be ashamed of, after all. “Yes, but why is that a problem?”

“Come on, frog. There’s hundreds of worlds waiting for you to explore, and you just stick with the same one every time? Take some risks! Adventure’s waiting for you out there! Try something new and live a little!”

Kaeloo, abashed, looked down at her feet, the flush of her cheeks growing hotter and brighter. “It’s… complicated, Mr. Cat,” she mumbled.

“Complicated?” Mr. Cat smirked at her. “You aren’t scared, are you?”

Any other time, Kaeloo would have protested vociferously, but for some reason this night she just sunk further into her own shame. “A little,” she admitted.

“There’s nothing to it,” Mr. Cat assured her. “I took the portal to this world without thinking twice about it and I’m glad I did. The spirit of exploration lives in us all. You must blaze a path through uncharted territory!”

“I—I can’t.” Kaeloo sighed, turning her head away from him. “Not right now, anyway. It was enough of an ordeal coming here… I can’t set off again. Not on my own, at least.”

Mr. Cat just shrugged at that. “I’d go with you.”

Kaeloo’s head snapped back to him, utterly flabbergasted. “You would?” She had only known him for, what, two days? And, true, the ridiculously optimistic part of her already considered him a close friend, but the morbidly realistic part of her realized that he’d had no reason to return the sentiment.

“Sure,” Mr. Cat said nonchalantly with another light shrug. “I’m curious about what’s out there. You and me, we could be trailblazers!”

Kaeloo felt herself smile. “I’m not ready to go now, but someday, Mr. Cat… we’ll play explorers!” She put an arm around his shoulders and motioned grandly with her other arm.

Mr. Cat seemed to bristle a bit at the physical contact, but didn’t push her arm off of him, instead mirroring her sweeping motion. “We won’t be playing, my dear Kaeloo. It’ll be the real deal!” 

“Mm… yes, yes it will be!” Kaeloo felt a surge of apprehension at the notion of doing something for real rather than just pretending at it, but her smile didn’t even fade, because for some reason the thought of sincerely doing something with Mr. Cat by her side eased any anxiety she felt over the idea.

And then, another thought crossed her mind.

The reason she’d always returned to Samesville and her parents every night was because Stumpy and Quack Quack left Smileyland as well, and even though Smileyland was hers and shaped by her and her very own perfect paradise, Kaeloo was terrified of the idea of existing there all by herself, even if only for a few hours. Returning to her parents, if only for a night at a time, saved her from that reality.

But Mr. Cat’s arrival had irrevocably changed things in her perfect world. Perhaps for the better.

And while returning to her parents would still ensure that she was not alone, Kaeloo felt herself loath to leave Smileyland this night. True, no matter what her choice was, she would not be alone this time… but if she left, Mr. Cat would be, and she found that she couldn’t bear the thought of abandoning him.

“It’s getting late, Mr. Cat,” she said to him, reluctantly removing her arm from his shoulders. “We should be turning in for the night… do you have a place to stay?”

“That couch is comfy,” Mr. Cat said, giving her a look of slight confusion. “I slept there last night just fine.”

“Oh, Mr. Cat, this is Smileyland!” Kaeloo grinned. Every feeling of trepidation and uncertainty melted away as she spoke to him. “You can create any home for yourself that you want!”

“I want something comfy with a TV, and that’s an entirely accurate and thorough description of that couch,” Mr. Cat said matter-of-factly.

“Very well,” Kaeloo responded, still smiling at him, “but just remember that your happiness is in your own hands here! If you want anything else, just imagine it and create it into being!”

Mr. Cat returned her smile, with a surprising genuineness and softness. “I couldn’t imagine wanting anything else,” he said sincerely.

Kaeloo’s cheeks flushed again, and she looked away from Mr. Cat to hide it, although her face was still practically split in two thanks to her smile. “Well, if that ever changes… you can control the outcome! Smileyland is a safe haven for _everyone_, no matter their needs. Never forget that, Mr. Cat!”

Reliving the memory in her new apartment, Kaeloo groaned in despair, pressing her face into her palms. That had been a bald-faced lie. Smileyland had turned out to be anything _but_ a safe haven for her friends. Especially for Mr. Cat…

Her cheeks flushed with another unpleasant thought, although this one had originated far more recently. The mirror into her psyche that Dr. Clark had provided, and the images that greeted her, slammed back into her alarmingly. Frustrated, she pressed her hands against the sides of her head, trying to force the images out of her mind entirely. If she ignored them, they’d go away. Right?

Especially… that one. The one Dr. Clark had said was her lust. That was clearly a mistake. She was a good girl, and she didn’t lust.

Kaeloo’s breathing grew more and more ragged as she felt a bubbling anger, anger at herself, rise through her. No, that was a lie. It was all a lie. No reason to get angry…

But the more she tried to ignore it, the more it buried itself into her mind.

And the deeper and deeper the truths about herself that she could no longer ignore dug, the angrier and angrier Kaeloo grew at herself.

Had she learned _nothing?_

How did that saying go…? “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

_Shame on me. Shame on me. Shame on me…_

She should have known better. She never should have come to feel this way! Hadn’t she suffered this way before? Hadn’t wasting her feelings on the wrong person been the catalyst that led her to Smileyland in the _first_ place? He had made it very clear to her, and the laughing and mocking of his friends had only driven the point home. It was a _joke_. She’d fallen for a _joke_. Because who in the universe would actually want _her?_

And Kaeloo’s rage-filled reaction had only further proved his point.

_“ArrrRRRRAAAAUUGGH!”_ Kaeloo roared, her anger proving to be too intense to fight down this time. She erupted into her bad self, her shoulders now pressed up against the ceiling thanks to her current larger size.

And she didn’t even notice. All she could focus on was how pathetic and stupid she was.

_“YOU KNEW BEFORE SMILEYLAND THAT YOU UNLOVABLE!”_ Bad Kaeloo roared at her currently quashed normal self, as if hoping that taking this form would get the truth through to herself. _“YOU FREAK AND WEIRD AND UGLY! IT JOKE BEFORE AND JOKE NOW! YOU FELL FOR IT AGAIN AND YOU **STUIPD!”**_

And having said her piece, the anger was gone and Bad Kaeloo slipped back into Kaeloo, who, gasping, staggered back into the recliner, tears tumbling down her face.

“No… I know… it’s a joke, it’s _always_ been a joke… _I’m_ a joke…” Kaeloo’s sobs grew louder and louder, yet she still tried to reason her way through them. “But… but Vincent was just a jerk, he never wanted anything more than to humiliate me… and Mr. Cat is a friend! A _friend!_ Even—even if…”

What was this, the hope of optimism prevailing over experience? Despite all evidence to the contrary? Mr. Cat had also said it was a joke. Multiple times, in fact. How could it _not_ be a joke, when Kaeloo was weirder and freakier around him than she’d ever been with anyone else? When she treated him far worse than she’d ever treated anyone else?

She was a fool. She hadn’t learned _anything_.

Well, perhaps she had learned one thing. She’d learned how to repress the things about her that she didn’t want to recognize to the point that she had been completely unaware of their existence. Like these feelings for Mr. Cat that were at once overwhelming and yet firmly situated, having been there all along and just waiting for her acknowledgment.

Kaeloo pressed her hands against her still tear-stained eyes, trying to deal with this new personal revelation the only way she knew how—by forcing the thought out of her mind for good.

Because… that worked so well last time, right?

Kaeloo could feel her anger suddenly bubbling up again, and she quickly held her hands outwards to her sides and tried to concentrate on her breathing. “N-no, I can’t get angry, I mustn’t get angry…” Deep breath in, deep breath out. “It doesn’t even matter how I deal with this anyway, because I’ll never see Mr. Cat again, so there’s no… reason… to… despair…”

The waterworks started up again, full-force.

_“I’LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN!” _she wailed, tears gushing out of her eyes like Niagara Falls. There was no room now for anger, at herself or anyone else. There was only heartbreak. Crushing, anguishing heartbreak.

Which was also stupid, of course, because hadn’t she known that this was the cost for her decision—a cost that was far preferable to the costs of staying? If she really cared about her friends—which she did—then the choice was an obvious one. She couldn’t stay with them and keep hurting them. No matter how much it hurt her. Heck, it was what she deserved for the way she’d treated them all.

Oh, but how it pained her.

And even though she knew she was doing the right thing and that there was no going back now, Kaeloo allowed herself one brief moment of unhindered grief, mourning what never was and never could be with Mr. Cat.

Because maybe acknowledging a painful truth for once would help her finally move past it.

After a few moments, her crying receded a bit, and she was able to wipe at her eyes and finally look back up at her tiny, bleak apartment. The only comfort she could find was the sunset rays streaking through her small window.

She sat up, wiping away the last of her tears.

A walk outdoors in nature would hopefully clear her mind and restore her. And at the very least, it had to be better for her than wallowing in her apartment in her own self-pity.

Straightening herself up and holding her posture steady and firm, she strode to the door and exited her new home, remembering to lock the door behind her.


	5. Go Home Again

The daily activities of Olaf when he was not otherwise engaged in tormenting the other inhabitants of Smileyland were mostly a giant unknown to Stumpy, Quack Quack, and Mr. Cat. He rarely was interested in their games and preferred to spend his time loudly gloating about how he’d conquer them all someday. What he did when he was out of earshot, however, was anyone’s guess.

But even with few expectations, they were still not anticipating to find him dancing around his robot Serguei and cackling madly, a pool of popcorn at their feet.

“Today’s just been a long fever dream,” Mr. Cat grumbled. “That’s got to be the only explanation.”

Olaf caught a glimpse of his visitors and immediately went on the defensive. _“Begone, peasants!”_ he snapped. “The glory of my feat is not fit for your feeble, insignificant minds!”

“Ooh… popcorn…” Stumpy began salivating at the mouth.

“Listen,” Mr. Cat said bluntly, “I frankly don’t care what you’re doing, we’re just here to—”

“I’m so glad you asked!” Olaf interrupted. “Ruling the world is strenuous work and when I finally assume my rightful place on the throne of Smileyland and all of creation, I will need plenty of sustenance! That is why I have spent the entire day modifying Serguei to add a popcorn popper into his circuitry!”

_“Cool!”_ Stumpy proclaimed. “Popcorn for all!”

_“NO!”_ Olaf barked at him. “Popcorn for _ME!_ These comestibles are only for global dictators!”

Without taking his glare off the penguin, Mr. Cat reached down and grabbed a fistful of popcorn and very deliberately tossed it into his mouth. “I don’t give a crap,” he said as he chewed, taking little notice at how the diminutive bird was glowering at him for his misdeed. “We’re looking for Kaeloo. Tell us where she is.”

_“RELEASE THAT POPCORN, YOU SWINE!”_

Mr. Cat obligingly stuck his tongue out, revealing the thoroughly chewed-up food. Stumpy and Quack Quack recoiled in disgust, and even Olaf looked as if he regretted the command. “There.” Mr. Cat spit it on the ground at Olaf’s feet; Olaf had to jump back a body length to avoid getting hit by the spitty projectile. “Now tell us where Kaeloo is.”

“The amphibian?” Olaf snorted dismissively. “Why would I keep tabs on that creature while I have far more important things to occupy my time? Now I tell you again, begone, or I’ll—”

Mr. Cat whipped out a bazooka and blasted Olaf, Serguei, and most of the popcorn straight into the air, sending them all flying towards the horizon, Olaf’s angry cry of “YOU’LL PAY DEARLY FOR THIS!” fading off into the distance.

“The popcorn!” Stumpy wailed in despair. _“NOOOOOOOOO!”_

“He doesn’t know. Nobody knows!” Mr. Cat was still clutching his bazooka and scowling, but his breathing was heavier and quicker, his growing distress now fully evident. “Where the hell is she?! This isn’t like her!”

Stumpy and Quack Quack exchanged a worried glance between them.

“OKAY, KAELOO!” Stumpy suddenly shrieked at the top of his lungs. “YOU WON! WE GIVE UP! WE CAN’T FIND YOU! COME OUT NOW!”

He paused and darted his head back and forth. Quack Quack did also. And Mr. Cat lowered his bazooka, his ears perking up attentively.

Nothing.

“You know what summons an angry toad faster than a galloping racehorse?” Mr. Cat asked, a manic excitement lighting up his eyes.

Stumpy and Quack Quack exchanged another confused look.

“Swear words.” Mr. Cat broke into a demented grin.

“Ooh, this is going to be so inappropriate!” Stumpy squealed with delight. “I can’t wait!”

Mr. Cat dropped his gun and proclaimed, as loudly as he could, _“Motherfucking piece of shit, I’ll rape your goddamn ass! Cocksucker! Bitch-ass whore, choke on a dick, you fucking cunt! SHITBALLS!”’_

Stumpy and Quack Quack stared at Mr. Cat, mouths agape, blood trickling from their ears.

Mr. Cat continued to grin, seeming happy to finally get some choice words out of his mouth, but as the seconds ticked by and still no sign of Kaeloo appeared, his smile faded into disappointment, then anguish, then anger.

“Wow,” Stumpy finally said, rubbing the blood from his ears. “I really thought that would work.”

Mr. Cat raised his bazooka again in an act of desperation. “We’ll have to bring out the big guns. Are you ready to take one for the team, duck?”

Quack Quack nodded solemnly. “Quack.”

Mr. Cat fired at Quack Quack straight on, completely obliterating the duck, leaving what little that was left of him as a charred hunk. Laughing maniacally, Mr. Cat pulled out his chainsaw and hacked that small smoldering remain into itty-bitty pieces, then grabbing the largest remaining piece and drop-kicking it over Stumpy’s head.

Stumpy stared at Mr. Cat in horror. “Uh, Mr. Cat, I think maybe you went a little too far this time…”

Mr. Cat continued to cackle, kicking about the tiny particles of Quack Quack that were littered about his feet. _“Never,_ nutcracker! We’ve gotta make this shit so fucking over the top that it’ll draw the frog from miles away!”

Stumpy gulped, but said nothing, simply solemnly watching the thousands of bits of Quack Quack blow away in the wind.

Mr. Cat said nothing more either, his insane laughter softening into chuckles, then labored breathing.

No other sound could be heard.

Stumpy, for his part, could hardly breathe at all. What Mr. Cat had done to Quack Quack was beyond extreme, and the squirrel couldn’t fathom how even Quack Quack could come back from something like that. And with each passing second without Kaeloo, Mr. Cat grew more and more panicked and unhinged, and Stumpy feared that with Quack Quack gone, he’d bear the brunt of the inevitable breakdown.

“M-maybe she went back to Samesville,” Stumpy quickly offered in terror, as Mr. Cat’s eyes grew more and more bloodshot. “I can go look! She could be with her parents—I know where they live, I can—”

The firing end of a bazooka was suddenly lodged in his face.

_“NONE OF YOUR IDEAS HAVE WORKED SO FAR, WHY SHOULD THEY WORK NOW?!”_

Mr. Cat fired.

_“THIS ISN’T GOING TO BRING HER BACK! YOU PSYCHOOOOoooooo…”_ Stumpy shrieked as he blasted through the air and out of sight.

A newly reformed Quack Quack appeared out of nowhere and gave Mr. Cat a look that, while apprehensive and wary, still showed obvious agreement with Stumpy’s statement.

Mr. Cat snarled frenziedly at him. _“WELL, IT CAN’T HURT EITHER!”_

…

Mr. Cat hadn’t really cared where Stumpy ended up. Stumpy hadn’t had any inkling of an idea of where he’d land, his mind being too preoccupied with thoughts that consisted mainly of: _“AAAAAHHHH! AAAAHHHHH! **AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!”**_

Probably the only thing that the two agreed on, however—that this action wasn’t going to bring Kaeloo back—was about to be called into question.

The bazooka blast had sent Stumpy far beyond Smileyland’s orange sky. In fact, he was so far gone that he seemed to have been hurled into a pitch-black void that would have reminded him of space, that is if he were focusing on something other than his frenzied screaming. Even in this void, his velocity continued to increase, so much so that he ripped a hole through the darkness and tore through the sky of some brand-new world.

Stumpy was still too terrified to notice.

“…aaaaaaAAA_AAUUUU**UUGGGGHHHH!” **_Stumpy torpedoed into the ground at nearly full speed, causing the small group of onlookers to gasp in shock and horror. Groaning, Stumpy slowly pulled himself from the Stumpy-shaped hole he’d left in the ground, finally taking stock of his surroundings while muttering to himself, _“Ooooouuuuch…”_ He surmised he was in a city park of some kind, something that wasn’t to be found in Smileyland yet was rather common in Samesville. So did that mean he was—

“What the… _Stumpy?!”_

Stumpy spun around with a grin, never as happy to hear that voice as he was right now. _“Kaeloo!_ Finally! This means I won!”

“What? Won what?” Kaeloo looked confused and positively anxious, but Stumpy of course didn’t notice.

“Hide-and-seek! And this was the worst game of hide-and-seek ever! Don’t ever do this again! Either tell us beforehand, or just stay in Smileyland to hide, don’t go hiding in Samesville—this is Samesville, right?”

“No, it’s not!” Kaeloo’s hands twitched uneasily, her eyes still wide as saucers. “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t even know where here is!” Stumpy hmphed crossly at her while dusting off his arms. “Now come on, let’s go back to Smileyland before Mr. Cat nukes the place. I get to hide this time!”

“No, Stumpy!” Kaeloo shrieked, finally giving Stumpy pause. “This isn’t—I wasn’t playing hide-and-seek. This isn’t a game!”

“It’s not?” Stumpy blinked in confusion. “Then what is it?”

Kaeloo’s shoulders sagged, her eyes imploring and guilt stricken. “I’m staying here, Stumpy. For good. I’m not going back to Smileyland.”

Stumpy stared at her for a few seconds before bursting out into hysterical laughter. “Hahaha! Good one, Kaeloo!” he gasped out through his guffaws.

“I’m being serious, Stumpy!” Kaeloo protested. “I can’t stay in Smileyland and continue to hurt all of you! I have to start a new life here. This is for your own good.”

Stumpy’s laughter ended abruptly, finally beginning to grasp the severity of the situation. “But—but you can’t leave Smileyland! That’s _your_ world! You found it! You’re the guardian!”

“I was no longer the _guardian_ of Smileyland,” Kaeloo lamented. “I became its _dictator!_ Its cruel tyrant! I had to step down for the good of all the other inhabitants!” She finally gave Stumpy a small smile. “You can be my successor! You can be the new guardian of Smileyland!”

Any other day Stumpy would have reacted to this proclamation with unhinged glee, but the idea of being left in charge of Smileyland in its current state was about the last thing he wanted. “Oh no, I’m not going back there without you! I’m telling you, Mr. Cat’s going to level the place if he hasn’t already. You have to come back and calm him down!”

Kaeloo visibly winced at the mention of Mr. Cat, her smile disappearing in an instant. “M-Mr. Cat will be fine, Stumpy,” she stammered out.

Stumpy flung his arms out to his sides, his eyes still wide with pleading. “You don’t get it, Kaeloo, you’ve never seen Mr. Cat without you, because well, any time you’ve seen Mr. Cat you’ve been there, so you can’t really see him without you—but he’s gone _nuts!_ He turned Quack Quack into duck soup and was still hacking away at him when there was nothing left but dust—and he’s the reason I’m even HERE, wherever this is, in the first place, because he blasted me so hard that I ripped through the sky and ended up here! I can’t go back to that because without you, he’s just going to get worse!”

Kaeloo guiltily turned her head away from Stumpy. “I’m sorry, Stumpy, but I can’t go back. Things will be better in the long run without me there, trust me.”

Glaring at Kaeloo, Stumpy crossed his arms defiantly. “Well then, I’m not going back either! I’m staying here with you!”

Kaeloo looked at him with shock. “What?”

“You heard me!” Stumpy grinned at her. “I followed you to Smileyland, after all! I’ll follow you here, too! Starting a new life is scary without a friend, so I’ll be your friend here, just like I was the last time!”

Kaeloo stared at Stumpy, the tell-tale shine of tears beginning to pool in her eyes. Stumpy grinned further, expecting at any second for Kaeloo’s tears of gratitude to be matched with a smile.

But her frown only deepened.

“I’m really sorry for this, Stumpy,” she sobbed.

And then she transformed, yanking the shocked squirrel off the ground by the ankles, and hurtling him back at the sky.

_“KAELOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”_ Stumpy shrieked as he once again tore straight through the dimensional folds.

…

Once again, Stumpy was too busy screaming to take much notice of where he was going, and so when he pummeled back into the ground, he only took a second to jump back up to get his bearings—only to find that he was back in Smileyland, Mr. Cat leering towards Quack Quack with his chainsaw revving, Quack Quack backing away slowly.

_“Really?”_ Stumpy cried, folding his arms judgmentally. “I land right back where I started? What a coincidence! Either that or really, _really_ lazy writing!” He pushed aside his annoyance at the contrivance upon noticing the state his friends were in. “Guys! GUYS! STOP! I found her! I found Kaeloo!”

Quack Quack stared in surprise. Mr. Cat dropped the chainsaw.

“Well, _where is she?!”_ he demanded.

“I don’t know, some other dimension with a sky you can punch a hole through!” Stumpy cried, twitching and spasming even more uncontrollably than usual. “I thought it was Samesville but she said it wasn’t, but it sure wasn’t Smileyland either—the ground’s a lot harder, for one thing!”

Mr. Cat growled in annoyance, his paw twitching towards the chainsaw on the ground ominously. “Why. Didn’t. You. Bring. Her. Back.” His paw clenched closer and closer to the weapon with each word.

“She transformed and threw me back here!” Stumpy anxiously protested. “I wanted her to come back and she said no, and then I said I’d stay with her and she shot me through the air like a javelin! She said she’s staying there! She doesn’t want to come back to Smileyland!”

An odd silence filled the air. Stumpy stopped speaking, as if to catch his breath, but he still held it expectantly. Mr. Cat’s paw stopped twitching, staring at Stumpy dumbfoundedly. Quack Quack also looked thunderstruck, as well as a bit hurt by the revelation.

“Quack?” he finally offered tentatively.

“No, we’ll bring her back!” Stumpy declared. “Smileyland wouldn’t be the same without her! And if she still won’t come back, we’ll stay there with her! And if she throws us back, we’ll just keep coming back! We’ll come back over and over until she gets sick of throwing us!”

Quack Quack brightened at the idea. “Quack!”

“Come on, Mr. Cat!” Stumpy said eagerly. “Where’s your bazooka? You have to shoot me again like you did the last time!”

Mr. Cat, whose expression hadn’t changed from the stunned, frozen one that had overtaken him when Stumpy revealed Kaeloo’s intentions, stayed that way for a moment more before hardening into a defeated scowl. “No,” he said.

“But that’s the only way to get there! That I know of, anyway, I’m sure she used some other way when she went there, but of course I wasn’t there long enough to ask her…”

“I’m not going. And I’m not helping you get there, either.” Mr. Cat mechanically reached down to pick up his chainsaw and set it aside, his eyes still cold and hollow.

Stumpy gaped at Mr. Cat, his jaw nearly hitting the ground. His eyes darted to Quack Quack, who looked similarly (if not as exaggeratedly) surprised.

“But—but you can’t just let her leave like this!” Stumpy finally shouted at Mr. Cat. “Especially _you,_ of all people!”

It was that statement that made Mr. Cat snap.

“You think you’re so smart?” he snarled, zipping right into Stumpy’s face and growling menacingly at him, his desperate eyes the only part of him not aggressive and threatening. “Did it ever occur to you that _‘me of all people’_ would recognize that she clearly doesn’t want to be around us anymore and to _RESPECT HER CHOICE?!”_

It was silent again. Stumpy, while being obviously terrified at Mr. Cat’s initial display, eased up bit by bit as the aggressive stance ebbed away from Mr. Cat’s posture, the only trait of his outburst remaining being his desperate, heartbroken eyes.

Stumpy straightened his posture. “Well,” he said curtly, “you might respect her choices, but I don’t. I’m going back to wherever the fuck she is again. Let me borrow your bazooka.”

Mr. Cat’s eyes narrowed. _“Fuck_ no.”

“I’ll give it back.”

“Again: _fuck_ no.”

“Don’t you have like five more anyway?”

“That’s not the point, nutcracker!”

“The point is that you either give it to me or I’m going to steal it from you!”

“Oh yeah? Give me a fucking break. You and what—“

“Quack.”

Stumpy and Mr. Cat paused their argument to stare at Quack Quack, who was holding the bazooka nonchalantly.

“…army.” Mr. Cat snarled and lunged for the duck. _“GIVE THAT BACK, YOU DUCK-BILLED BASTARD!”_

With lightning speed, Quack Quack aimed the bazooka at Stumpy and fired, shooting him back into the sky, Stumpy screaming in fear and laughing hysterically at the same time. This action caused Mr. Cat to pause for just a second from surprise, and it was all the time Quack Quack needed. Holding the bazooka in his right hand, he quickly ripped off his right arm with his left hand and tossed the detached arm and bazooka in front of him, his severed hand and arm still able to pull the trigger, now aiming at himself.

BOOM!

“Quack!” Quack Quack said as a farewell, waving to Mr. Cat with his remaining arm as he blasted through the sky, following Stumpy.

The sounds of their violent blastoffs slowly faded, until nothing else could be heard.

Mr. Cat, still breathing heavily, grabbed his bazooka from off the ground, wincing in disgust as he pried Quack Quack’s severed arm from the handle and tossed it aside.

The sudden quiet was jarring. Almost painful. It was as if Mr. Cat was too well-trained by his friends to know that they would never let a silence remain for long, so the tense tingle of anticipation drilled into his ears, conditioned to the fact that his friends would break it sooner rather than later.

Except… no. Not this time.

They had all abandoned him.

His breathing still ragged, Mr. Cat felt the ringing in his ears slowly fade away without any other sounds to replace it. His eyes darted to the left and to the right, but there was nothing else to focus on. Nothing to distract him from his current reality.

He couldn’t blame Stumpy and Quack Quack for cutting out… hell, given how he’d lost his shit and taken it out on them, they would have been even bigger morons than usual to stay.

Kaeloo, however… she had no reason to leave. And yet he’d given her no reasons to stay, either.

Mr. Cat was no fool. He’d always known that his affection for the frog would never lead to anything. And yet it was perhaps because of this that he seemed to have grown… complacent. He’d taken her presence for granted. Sure, so she’d never return his feelings for her, but her just being there was enough to keep him satisfied. Her presence was a given. He’d had no reason to ever doubt or question it.

And now, Kaeloo having left without even so much as a farewell, Mr. Cat was beginning to realize just how much his happiness, sanity, well-being, _everything_ was tied up in her.

You never know what you have until it’s gone. And before today Mr. Cat would have argued vociferously against that—he knew _exactly_ what he had in Kaeloo; her kindness, strength, creativity, and enthusiasm made life worth living and lit up every second of his time spent with her… simply put, he loved her, dammit. Despite how keenly aware he was of how ultimately pointless it was to expend affections on someone who could not and would not ever return them, his feelings were such that he knew there was no point in fighting them; they just _were_. Just as Kaeloo was always there, constant and regular, so was his love for her. He had known this for a very long time. It hadn’t taken her absence to bring any of this to light.

And yet now, with her absence very much a reality, Mr. Cat could only acknowledge how severely he’d underestimated just how much she meant to him.

What was there now to keep him in Smileyland? Upon first arriving he’d had no reason to stay, but no reason to leave, either. Upon meeting Stumpy, Quack Quack, and Kaeloo, however, he’d found three good reasons to stay. Okay, exponentially more than three reasons, because Kaeloo alone had provided an untold number of them. When she’d tended to his wounds that first evening she completely excised any thoughts Mr. Cat might have had of leaving. It didn’t matter how crazy this world was, how infuriatingly frustrating these new friends of his could be at times. Mr. Cat had found his home.

_I have to go home again._

The thought consumed Mr. Cat with surprising clarity. He was not at home. And he needed to return home. Before finding Smileyland he’d never truly had a real home, and upon arriving he’d foolishly believed that Smileyland was home… but now he saw the folly of that belief.

Smileyland wasn’t his home. Kaeloo was.

Mr. Cat glanced at his bazooka, sighing helplessly. In all his vitriol mistakenly directed at Stumpy, the truth had still managed to come out—Mr. Cat did, ultimately, respect Kaeloo’s wishes, even if they were to remove herself from him. But maybe… maybe he needed to hear it straight from her. Maybe he needed to be honest with her about how he felt, just so that they could part with no misunderstandings. Maybe just existing in the same reality as her would be enough.

Whatever the reasoning was, he knew he had to try to find his way home again.

And, well… at the end of the day, he was just a selfish asshole.

Still looking at his bazooka, Mr. Cat’s face contorted with agony.

“This is going to hurt like fuck.”

Shoving his derriere on the firing end of his weapon, Mr. Cat reached behind him with one foot and tripped the trigger.

…

The park was deserted now; Bad Kaeloo’s presence had made sure of that. No one was present to see her change back to her normal self and collapse down on her knees, tears of confusion and grief trickling down her face.

Just when she thought she was getting everything figured out, Stumpy had to arrive and throw all of that out the window.

She never would have dreamed that her friends would look for her after her departure, let alone be _worried_ about her. Surely they should have been glad to be rid of her, right? And yet Stumpy’s joy at finding her, disappointment at her not coming with him, and eagerness to stay with her all suggested otherwise.

But that wasn’t even the most surprising thing. How had Stumpy put it? That without Kaeloo, Mr. Cat was going to “level the place”? What did that even mean?

Kaeloo pressed a hand to her face, her heart thudding madly against her ribcage. Did she really have that much of an effect on him? Because if she did, then that meant… that meant that she was mistaken about his sincerity. That meant that her newly acknowledged feelings were reciprocated. That meant that there was a chance for…

Kaeloo dug both hands into her face, trying to puncture the thought from her mind. No. No. No. It didn’t matter how he felt or how she felt, what mattered was that it was better for all of them that she stayed here where she could never hurt them again.

Or… was it? Stumpy had clearly been crushed when she explained that she wasn’t coming back. Emotional pain is far more lasting than physical pain, after all… and what if they really _did_ care for her that much? So much that when she left Smileyland, it had hurt them far more than a physical beat-down ever could?

Kaeloo’s natural inclination towards the thought was to push it aside and ignore it… but after everything she’d learned about herself today, she knew that would only make the problem worse. So, instead, despite how much it hurt her to consider the implications of her actions (however well-intentioned), she kept the thought in her head and addressed it head-on.

What was it that Dr. Clark had said? That running away from her friends without dealing with the problem would just make the same problems manifest themselves in other friends she made? Running away from her demons not only would just hurt others in the long run… but it was clearly hurting her old friends, too.

Kaeloo breathed heavily, barely able to see the ground through her fingers pressed against her temple.

If she really cared about Mr. Cat, Stumpy, and Quack Quack—and she did, oh goodness she did—wouldn’t it be better for them to at least be honest with them? She’d want the same from any of them, she acknowledged. To just tell them that what she was doing was for their own good—that for perhaps the first time in her life, she was operating under the understanding of what would be best for _them_, rather than herself.

And she could do that, she realized. She could go between Smileyland and… and whatever this place was called. She could keep going to therapy with Dr. Clark and work on her various issues, and use what she’d learn to repair her relationships with the people she cared about more than anything else in the world. She could be the friend that they deserved. And maybe, just maybe, she could kindle something deeper with Mr. Cat… she could pursue her affections for someone who, against all odds, might just return them.

Kaeloo stood up straight, her hands falling resolutely to her sides. She’d made up her mind. She’d return to Smileyland, at least temporarily. She’d be fully honest and open. For the first time in her life she wouldn’t hide behind games to conceal her own very real vulnerabilities.

Because, after everything that had just happened, she actually had reason to believe that her friends truly _did_ care for her, warts and all.

She lifted one leg, about to march resolutely towards the portal door that led her back to her home, her life, the only place she could feel whole, when a scream steadily increasing in volume cut its way through her mental pep-talk.

“aaaaaaAAAAA_AAAAAA**AAAAAAAHHHHHH!”**_

With a loud thud, a squirrel-shaped projectile once again blasted past her and implanted itself into a similarly squirrel-shaped indentation in the ground. Kaeloo jumped back, utterly flummoxed.

Groaning, Stumpy pulled himself from the hole, still looking pained as he smiled at Kaeloo. “Right back to you again, huh? Contrived, but whatever!”

“S-Stumpy?’ Kaeloo stammered out. “What are you doing here… again?”

“I told you! I’m staying with you!” Stumpy said defiantly. “If you throw me out I’ll just keep on coming back again! I’m like a horrible infectious disease—you can’t get rid of me!” He twitched and spasmed a bit but his smile held firm.

“Oh Stumpy,” Kaeloo exclaimed, feeling herself on the verge of tears yet again but this time due to how touched she was by her friend’s loyalty, “you didn’t have to do—”

BOOM!

A second projectile slammed itself into the indentation Stumpy’s landing had left, causing both him and Kaeloo to jump back a bit in fright. Emerging from the hole, Quack Quack looked calm and confident. A new right arm grew from his right shoulder, and its first action was to wave to his friends.

“Quack Quack? You too?” Kaeloo sniffled, smiling freely for the first time in quite awhile. “Oh, you’re the best friends a frog could ever have!” She leapt towards them both and engulfed them in a huge hug, Stumpy and Quack Quack immediately returning it.

The hug lingered for an almost awkward amount of time, and when Kaeloo finally ended it she had a slight flush of embarrassment twinging her cheeks. The time had been long. Very long. Almost too long. “Where’s Mr. Cat?” she suddenly asked.

Stumpy quickly glanced at Quack Quack, who shook his head. “He’s not coming.”

Kaeloo felt as if she’d been punched in the gut. “H-he’s not?”

“Nah.” Stumpy shrugged, rolling his eyes a bit. “It’s because he said he ‘respects your choices’ or something stupid like that. Have you ever heard anything so moronic in your entire life?”

Kaeloo gulped and held her chin high with determination. “Well, it doesn’t really matter anyway, because I’ve decided I’m going back to Smileyland. Part-time, at least.”

“Quack?”

“You are?!” Stumpy blinked. “Sheesh, can’t make up your mind today, can you?”

“It’s not like that, Stumpy!” Kaeloo quickly explained. “I only left because I thought it would be better for you, but upon learning how distraught you all became at my absence I realized I had to go back, at least for a time, to better explain myself and what changes I’ll be making! And let me tell you, I’m going to be making a _lot_ of changes. No more will I try to suppress the… darker aspects of my personality. That doesn’t make them go away. I have to face them head-on. Which means for you, my friends, that I will—”

BOOM!

The arrival of a third projectile into the increasingly misshapen crater in the park once again caused the three friends to jump back in utter surprise. As they stared at the indentation, their breaths caught in their throats, it was a few tense seconds before Mr. Cat groggily crawled his way out. “Fucking hell…” he mumbled under his breath.

_“MR. CAT!”_ Kaeloo exclaimed joyously, promptly engulfing him in an even bigger hug than the one she had bestowed upon Stumpy and Quack Quack. “You _did_ come after all! I’m so glad! So, so, _so_ glad!”

Mr. Cat was frozen for only a moment or two before wrapping his arms around her, hugging her back just as happily and sincerely as she hugged him. “Well, I couldn’t—”

“But it was quite unnecessary,” Kaeloo continued, pulling away from him abruptly. “That’s what I was just telling Stumpy and Quack Quack. I’ve decided to return to Smileyland.”

Mr. Cat’s jaw flopped open. “But… what… you…” His eyes dumbly darted between Kaeloo, Stumpy, and Quack Quack for a few seconds before he erupted in rage. _“YOU MEAN I SHOVED A BAZOOKA UP MY ASS FOR **NOTHING?!”**_

“And you get to do it again!” Stumpy said with a grin. “Because that’s the only way to get back!”

“No it isn’t, not at all!” Kaeloo stared at her friends in confusion. “Is that really how you all came here? That seems terribly inconvenient! Why didn’t you just go through the portal door?” She motioned to her left, where, just ten feet away, stood a lone door.

“That’s the one that goes back to Smileyland?” Stumpy asked.

“Yep!” Kaeloo nodded gleefully.

_“Cool!”_ Stumpy proclaimed.

Mr. Cat’s shoulders slumped, his eyes bloodshot and hollow. “Kill me.”

Kaeloo skipped over to the door and flung it open, the deep orange evening sky of Smileyland greeting them. “Come on, buddies! Let’s get back home! I have lots to talk about!” She held the door open, Stumpy and Quack Quack both eagerly running back through to their home. Mr. Cat continued to stare blankly, his mouth hanging open. “Come on, Mr. Cat!” Kaeloo exclaimed happily.

Mr. Cat stared for a few more moments before his eyes narrowed and his jaw snapped back shut into a scowl. “Just kill me.” He trudged through the door, Kaeloo still holding it open and grinning exponentially.

Once he was finally through, Kaeloo bounded after him, closing the door behind her.


	6. Talk Dirty to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I lied... I'm posting the rest of the chapters all at once, after what happened over at FF.net. Oof. While it does seem like the majority of the rabble-rousers were trolls, I still do believe that at least a few of them were genuine in their great dislike for the previous chapter, so for the sake of those individuals I'll reiterate--you will probably not like the rest of the story. My writing style in general can best be described as "dramedy", and sometimes the sudden juxtaposition between comedy and drama (or vice-versa) is the source of the comedy or drama in general. I do not shy away from dirty jokes or situations, although I do my best to make sure it's in-character... and come on, Mr. Cat's one of the most perverted characters out there lol. We hadn't even gotten to the sex yet, but it starts up here (points to chapter title), and it probably doesn't come as much of a surprise that I've got a dirty mind there too, I tend to be pretty descriptive and only rarely do I write a "fade to black". (Also I am totally taking the suggestion that Kaeloo is hermaphroditic and running with it, so there's definitely that to consider as well...)
> 
> If any of the above sounds like something that's not to your tastes, I really would advise that you just skip this story. If you do decide to read it, that's fine, but if you find that you don't like it simply for content reasons and leave a review saying only that, and/or a needlessly spiteful review, I will probably just delete it. I am fine with critique, and I honestly don't mind if people don't like my story, but if all you can say is "this story is crap because of (story element)", that's just a matter of personal taste. I've certainly come across hundreds of fanfics with themes or plot twists that I find distasteful or unpleasant. I simply back out of them and go find something else to enjoy. Letting something as ultimately innocuous and pointless as a fanfic (especially a fanfic for a show that was never meant to be taken seriously in the first place) that will never be canon ruin your day to such an extent just seems ridiculous to me.
> 
> Now that that's out of the way, I would like to more properly thank everyone who came out through all of that with words of encouragement. That really did mean a lot to me, and you helped make a frustrating and unpleasant experience much more manageable. So again, thank you all so much. :) And I do apologize for it taking a bit longer than I anticipated to get these chapters ready to post. I've been dealing with a few minor stressful situations in real life (not related to any of the drama surrounding this story)--none of them major, but when all added up they did leave me in a mood that really wasn't conducive to editing. In fact, doing so much editing all at once like this isn't something I'm used to, and while I did do my best to clean up any last-minute errors, I'm sure that through the less-than-ideal editing process, some things still managed to slip by. So please do let me know if you see a misspelled or misplaced word anywhere, and I will correct it as soon as possible. I will also hopefully get this fic properly tagged soon. Right now, just tread with caution if you are easily offended or triggered.
> 
> I think I've rambled on enough lol. Let's get back to the story! I do hope that you enjoy it, but if you don't, that's fine... just be nice about it, please? :)

Upon re-entering her beloved Smileyland, Kaeloo wasted no time in ecstatically greeting each and every object she encountered, her joy at returning home far too great to ignore. “Oh, Smileyland! How I’ve missed you! Hello, flower! Hello, sheep! Hello, tree! Hello, pebbles! Hello, microscopic speck of dust! HELLO EVERYTHING, YOU GLORIOUS WORLD YOU!”

“Shouldn’t you be telling them all ‘good night’?” Stumpy pointed out, pointing to the fading colors of the sky.

“Oh, goodness, it’s later than I thought!” Kaeloo gasped, quickly turning back to her three friends. Stumpy looked excited, Quack Quack looked calm as always, and Mr. Cat still looked extremely irritated. “And there’s so much I have to tell you all! There are going to be changes. A lot of changes. I know I’m not good with those but things simply cannot continue the way they were. I’ll be seeing a new psychiatrist and working through my issues and doing my best to not hold them back anymore, no matter how unpleasant they may be, because the best way of dealing with them is to be honest about them. I want to be honest about my anger issues and work through them before they bubble over to the point where I explode and hurt you all.” She gulped, guilt washing through her entire body. “I’ll travel between there and here. I’ll work through my personal issues and try to improve not only myself, but my relationships with all of you. And thus, what benefits me will benefit you all!” She turned to Quack Quack. “Quack Quack… I realize that in many ways, I coddle you. And I’m too critical of you, in a way. I mean, of all the foods out there, there are far worse foods to be addicted to than yogurt. At least we know you’ll never deal with constipation!”

“Quack,” Quack Quack said with an emphatic nod.

“But more than that,” Kaeloo continued, “I realize now that… I have to let you take care of yourself more often. I know you’re tougher than I give you credit for. And if you ever do need someone in your corner backing you up, you have Eugly. I’m not solely responsible for you. I realize that now. I know I have to… let some of that control go.” She gulped again. “It’s not that I don’t care about you, I do! But I realize that I have to trust you enough now to let you try to fend for yourself.”

Quack Quack looked surprised at that, but a small, grateful smile spread its way across his beak.

“Stumpy,” Kaeloo said, turning towards him, “everything that I’ve done, I’ve tried to be a good role model to you. I now know that with how inefficiently I’ve been dealing with my own issues I’m… not exactly the greatest role model for you to have. Any example I’ve set for you is to simply be an uptight, short-tempered tyrant.”

“And that’s awesome!” Stumpy agreed with an approving grin.

“But that’s not _good_, Stumpy!” Kaeloo insisted. “I don’t want you to turn out like me! You’re funny and creative and I hate that all that gets squashed thanks to my constant need to always be in control of everything. I’m going to work on that. I’m going to try to be someone that I _want_ you to emulate.”

Stumpy shrugged, his earlier enthusiasm knocked down to mere disappointment. “Whatever, if you want to go and ruin a good thing,” he muttered.

Seeing that continuing to articulate herself to Stumpy would lead nowhere at this point in time, Kaeloo turned to Mr. Cat. “And Mr. Cat…” She gulped nervously. “W-what I have to say to you should not be said in public!”

Mr. Cat rolled his eyes at her sarcastically. “Yeah, I bet it shouldn’t.”

“Quack,” Quack Quack said firmly, grabbing Stumpy by the arm and pulling him away.

“Aw, come on!” Stumpy protested. “I want to see this!”

“Quack!”

“Just for a minute?” But Quack Quack was swiftly pulling Stumpy away and out of sight.

Kaeloo felt a sense of relief when they were gone, able to more fully focus on working up her nerve without the worry of what they might say. But as she opened her mouth to spill out everything, she realized that Mr. Cat had darted into his cat flap without a second thought to her.

Kaeloo blinked, her heart in her throat.

It was exceedingly clear that Mr. Cat didn’t want to hear anything she had to tell him, let alone the personal and intimate confession at the tip of her tongue. The question of how he felt about her, one to which the answer had kept flip-flopping throughout the day, now seemed to swing fully back into the reality that Kaeloo had been right all along; there was nothing there, he didn’t care for her at best and found her annoying and irritating at worst. Any confession made to him at this point would just be met with laughter, ridicule, and rejection.

She bit her lip, swallowing her tears, fully prepared to push her true emotions to the side once more.

But… no. Not this time.

This tendency of hers to ignore what was truly on her mind was the crux of all of her problems. She had to be honest. If only this once, she had to be honest about the most important thing of all.

And so, summoning all of her courage and willpower, she followed Mr. Cat through his cat flap.

Kaeloo had never been inside Mr. Cat’s home before, and she was surprised at how cozy everything was. There was a small TV against the wall, a recliner facing it, and a refrigerator and small stovetop sat against the opposite wall, a door on either side of the kitchen area. There was clutter strewn across the floor, but nothing felt dirty per se. It felt… homey. Comfortable. Kaeloo immediately felt herself relax.

Mr. Cat, who was at the fridge and pulling out a beer, turned towards Kaeloo with such vitriol that almost all of Kaeloo’s sense of ease vanished into thin air as quickly as it had appeared. “Who said you could follow me?” he snarled at her.

Kaeloo’s lower lip quivered. “I need to talk to you.”

“Yeah, of course you do. ‘Can’t be said in public’, isn’t that right? Well, that’s just great, because what I have to say to you can’t be said in public either.” He strode up to her, glaring, his eyes damning and accusing her into submission. “You think you can just up and leave without telling a soul and try to claim that you’re trying to better yourself? And then waltz back into Smileyland like nothing happened, with this attitude that we should all be _grateful_ for all that you’re doing for us? Maybe if you didn’t have your head shoved so far up your ass you’d realize what you did to us when you just fucking disappeared, but no, this was and is all about _you_, isn’t it? Fucking typical. Why should I expect anything different?” He popped open his beer and took an angry swig.

Kaeloo gulped guiltily, tears springing to her eyes. She couldn’t even be angry at him for all of that because she knew everything he said was one hundred percent true. And as he continued to glare at her spitefully, she realized that she deserved every bit of hatred from him. She deserved every bit of rejection and venom that he had to throw her way. She deserved to be ripped apart.

“And another thing,” he continued bitterly. “If you think that—”

“I want to have sex with you,” Kaeloo blurted out.

Mr. Cat’s speech stopped dead in its tracks, the only sound to replace it the sudden crack of aluminum as his paw gripped itself against the beer can. He stared at her, his mouth hanging open a bit, his eyes unreadable, for a long moment. A very long moment. Seconds ticked by and he said nothing and did nothing, and Kaeloo, terrified, felt herself begin to hyperventilate.

She was an idiot. A complete effing idiot. Of course he didn’t actually want her. Of course every advance he’d ever made towards her was a complete joke. Because that’s all the attention that she ever deserved, just a joke, because she wasn’t worthy of anything else. As the seconds continued to slip past and Mr. Cat continued to do nothing, Kaeloo’s breathing became heavier and more desperate, her trust in herself crumbling along with any feeling of self-worth, however miniscule, she’d ever had. Maybe she’d just imagined everything he’d ever done and said to her. Maybe none of it had ever even happened at all and she had no reason _whatsoever_ to cling to this belief of the signs he’d given her, joke or not. She almost hoped that was the case; she’d rather be crazy than be genuinely mistaken and heartbroken once again. Except she knew she deserved every bit of laughter and rejection that was surely coming. Whether she was fooled again or just plain crazy, it didn’t matter; she needed this horrible moment to excise any last traces of hope that still desperately clung to her heart.

But she wasn’t even being granted that mercy yet. Mr. Cat had yet to make any reaction at all to confirm or deny anything, and Kaeloo began to feel dizzy in the worst possible way.

As Mr. Cat continued to dumbly stare at her and give her no other answer, Kaeloo anxiously took a step backwards, feeling tears trickle down her face. Okay, yes, this was enough punishment. Even though she probably deserved more, even this was making her stomach churn. His silence was rejection enough. This was the worst mistake she’d ever made in her life and she had to get out of there, run away and never turn back.

But then, finally, Mr. Cat did something. He tossed the can of beer behind him, letting it hit the wall with a metallic crack and send beer spilling out over the kitchen wall.

“Why didn’t you just say that in the _first_ place?”

He cupped his paws on her face and pulled her towards him, kissing her hungrily.

Kaeloo’s eyes bugged open, too awash with the physical sensation of his mouth on hers for a second or two to really grasp what just happened. But then every thought of whether this was real or not or whether she deserved this or that rejection fled her mind in an instant, replaced only with physical pleasure and longing that she’d never imagined she could feel in her wildest, dirtiest fantasies. She wrapped her arms around his back and moaned into his mouth, trying to kiss him back despite her inexperience and the fact that she hadn’t actually expected this to happen at all.

“Mmm, you like that, huh, babe?” Mr. Cat murmured into her mouth, Kaeloo only able to moan softly in the affirmative. He pulled away just a fraction of an inch to nibble at her lip, the sudden pierce of his sharp teeth causing her to cry out from surprising ecstasy. “I always knew you were a naughty girl.” He continued nibbling at and kissing her lower lip without any clear distinction between the two actions as one hand quickly slid down her back and grabbed her ass, squeezing it firmly.

The sensation made Kaeloo fall against him as if her limbs were turned to gelatin. “Oh, Mr. Cat…” she gasped. All sensation in her fingers temporarily went numb, and her hands that had been gripping his back now flopped uselessly against his shoulders as she pressed her face into his chest, hardly able to stand even with one of his hands supporting her behind.

Mr. Cat swiftly pulled her face back towards his with the hand that was still above her waist. “That’s right, baby,” he purred, pulling her into another kiss. “Say my name. Tell me how much you want this.”

“I do,” Kaeloo exclaimed in a fleeting moment where half of her mouth was free. “I _do_ want this—“ She placed one hand on the back of his head and held him tight, increasing the length of their kisses. Mr. Cat made an approving noise, the hand on her ass sliding back up to the small of her back and similarly holding her in place. His other hand now took a turn down her body, but this one down the front, tracing down her chest and leg before snaking its way towards her inner thigh.

The alarm bells suddenly pealed through Kaeloo’s head.

She pulled away desperately. _“Wait,_ Mr. Cat!” she shrieked.

_“Wait?!”_ Mr. Cat repeated incredulously. “Wait for _what?!”_

“Oh please, Mr. Cat, don’t take it that way,” Kaeloo pleaded with him, seeing the desperation in his eyes, “it’s not that, you—you don’t know how long I’ve been wanting this…” She shivered longingly. And Mr. Cat let out a growl of lustful longing to match hers, and she felt her skin prickle as each second ticked by that they weren’t touching, and he looked antsy and anxious to touch her again too. Maybe he _did_ know how long she’d been wanting this.

“But we—I wasn’t thinking—we can’t do this!” Kaeloo cried hastily, feeling tears spring to her eyes again. _“I_ can’t do this! I’m—I’m not normal down there! Sometimes I’m a girl down there, and sometimes I’m a boy, and sometimes I’m _both_, a-and I can’t control it—I can almost control my transformations better than that, and you know how bad I am when it comes to holding those back!” She pressed her palms against her face in shame and remorse. “And I know nobody wants to see that when—when they’re—“

“Oh, for…” Mr. Cat suddenly interrupted impatiently. “Do I look like I care about what parts you’re working with?”

Kaeloo’s hands slowly slid from her face as she gazed at him—seeing the same desperate longing in his eyes that he’d had ever since she’d pulled away from him—hell, that he’d had even before that. She felt herself shiver again, again trying to work out what that meant.

“Well… no,” she finally admitted.

Silence hung in the air for a few moments as they continued to stare at each other, the tension between them almost crackling with intensity.

“Then…” Mr. Cat finally prompted, making a circular motion with his paw to coax a response from her.

“Then…” Kaeloo gulped anxiously. If he truly was okay with that… after what they had just done she couldn’t bear the thought of spending any more time stalling like this. They had been waiting far too long as it was. “If that’s the case, then we can continue.”

Mr. Cat closed the distance between them once more and pulled her in for another kiss. This one felt gentler somehow, though no less urgent than before. Sighing in ecstasy, Kaeloo wrapped her arms around him again, holding him close to her and kissing him back.

This time around their hands stayed above the waist for a bit, both enjoying the feel of their mouths against each other’s. Surprisingly it was Kaeloo who parted her mouth during the kiss first, probably just to moan into Mr. Cat again, but Mr. Cat seized the opportunity the instant it presented itself, parting his mouth as well and swirling his tongue against hers.

Kaeloo moaned even louder than before.

At this point her legs basically stopped functioning, and she fell backwards… fortunately, during their passionate kissing Mr. Cat had more or less steered her towards the recliner, which she sank into with a gasp. Mr. Cat grinned at her, swiftly climbing on top of her… but instead of bringing his mouth to hers again, he instead went for her neck, kissing, suckling, and nibbling it with no mercy.

Kaeloo moaned loudly, arching her back against him. She gasped out his name with each and every sharp and marvelous mark he planted on her. “That’s right, baby,” he murmured again into her neck, his paws once again slinking their way down her torso, although much slower and more carefully this time.

Kaeloo panted raggedly, her heart thudding against her chest.

She _was_ a dirty girl, she was _such_ a dirty girl, because she could tell just how turned on she was; she felt a tingle, she felt a stiffening, and she wasn’t sure which was more prominent, and she winced with shame at just how her libido might be manifesting itself right now. Closing her eyes, she turned her head and pressed it into the side of the chair, not wanting to look. “What’s down there?” she whimpered fearfully.

A few horrible seconds passed without any response, and anxiously Kaeloo popped one eye open, not daring to look for herself but instead keeping her gaze focused on Mr. Cat’s face, which was sporting an expression that looked… _pleased?_ “You have both,” he finally answered, looking her in the eyes and grinning. “This’ll be fun.”

Instantly, Kaeloo felt both relief at currently having a vagina and dismay at currently having a penis, but she had no further time to reflect on which emotion she should focus on more. Taking the time to plant one more kiss on her lips, Mr. Cat slipped both hands to Kaeloo’s crotch, thoroughly erasing any further debate from her mind. One paw stroked her vulva, sliding a finger into her folds; the other grasped the base of her very erect penis and stroked its length, up and down, the rhythm of both paws matching each other perfectly.

Kaeloo cried out wordlessly at the double stimulation, her hands locked at her sides and gripping the armrests of the recliner for some sort of reprieve against the glorious delirium she was experiencing. She searched for a reprieve and yet she never wanted it to end. As Mr. Cat continued to pleasure her with the same steady, exacting rhythm, Kaeloo continue to let out guttural moans, now unable to say anything else, not even his name.

Mr. Cat tormented her even further by burying his muzzle back into her neck, dragging his tongue and teeth against it mercilessly once more. “You dirty frog,” he growled approvingly, Kaeloo letting out another wordless, longing sob at the sensation of his voice and brush of his whiskers against her sensitive flesh, “you’re so wet for me.” He slipped another finger into her vagina. Kaeloo whimpered beseechingly. “And you’re so hard for me, too.” He ran his other paw up and down her shaft again, a bit rougher this time. Kaeloo jerked and groaned at the sensation. Her head was turned and pressed nearly fully into the back of the chair, her eyes squinted shut, unable to do anything else from the pleasure searing her entire body.

Mr. Cat pulled his paw from her vagina and used it to coax her head back towards him. Her eyes flickered open as she instinctively leaned in closer towards him. “Come on, baby,” he purred at her, stroking her chin with a paw wet with her juices, “talk dirty to me.”

Kaeloo breathed heavily, consciously focusing on his words lest she collapse into incoherent pleasure and lust once more. “I—I don’t know how,” she stammered out. Her crotch raised up longingly of its own volition, begging for his paw back down there again.

Mr. Cat chuckled at her. “Don’t give me that, babe.” He stroked her chin once more, this time very, very slowly. “I know your head’s full of dirty thoughts. All you need to do is vocalize them. Simple as that.” He pulled both hands away from her now, just smiling at her and licking his lips in anticipation.

Kaeloo let out another small sob at the cessation of his physical attention. “Mr. Cat, _please…”_ she moaned.

“Please what?” Mr. Cat responded mockingly.

Kaeloo winced. Despite everything she still couldn’t bring herself to say out loud all of the dirty thoughts racing through her mind. “You know.”

“Do I?” Mr. Cat leaned in closer to her, his mouth almost pressed against her neck again, sending shivers down Kaeloo’s spine. “You’ve got to tell me what you want, babe. Just say the word and I’ll do whatever you desire.”

Kaeloo’s heart was pounding so intensely that she was afraid it would explode right out of her chest. “Kiss me,” she finally gasped out in desperation.

Mr. Cat pulled away from her neck. “Hmm… a good start.” He smirked at her, the taunt still very clear in his eyes. “But be more specific. Kiss you _where?”_

“On the mouth,” Kaeloo pleaded.

“Kiss you on the mouth? How common.” Mr. Cat leaned in closer to her again, once again stopping just before his mouth touched hers. “You’re still not being specific enough, babe,” he murmured. _“How_ do you want me to kiss you? Slow and passionate? Rough and fierce? Tell me _exactly_ what you want.”

Kaeloo’s short, hollow breaths caught in her throat. She couldn’t take it anymore.

She jerked her head up, grabbing Mr. Cat roughly by the sides of his head as she kissed him fiercely, every bit of longing and anticipation he’d built up in her packed into the action. She held him there, finally throwing off the flimsy padlock holding back the last holdouts of her feelings of desire, her lips frenziedly tugging against his.

She finally pulled away. “Like that,” she gasped out.

Mr. Cat no longer looked mocking or taunting. At all. “Oh, _fuck_, Kaeloo,” he moaned, pulling her back towards him for another fierce kiss, “I want you _so fucking much.”_

Kaeloo eagerly wrapped both her arms and her legs around him as best she could, hungrily taking in more. “Language,” she still chided against his mouth.

“You’re worried about language?” Mr. Cat pulled away from her for a moment, growling lustfully at her. “I’m about to make you swear like a fucking sailor.” He mounted himself on top of her more fully, Kaeloo’s eyes bulging upon realizing for the first time that his penis was just as hard and erect as hers. “You ready?”

Part of Kaeloo was absolutely terrified with the knowledge of what they were mere seconds away from doing, but her lust and desire were fully in the driver’s seat right now, so she merely nodded anxiously.

For a second she was afraid that Mr. Cat would make her practically beg for it like how he teased the demand for a kiss from her earlier, but it seemed that he had no desire to wait either, and the nod was all the confirmation he needed. He entered her quickly and fully, Kaeloo gasping at the sudden, staggering feeling. Mr. Cat drew in his breath too, sounding just as frazzled and overcome as Kaeloo was.

Despite the shock of the new sensation, Kaeloo didn’t want to wait any longer to feel the stimulation again, so she swiftly rocked her hips against him, causing both of them to moan once more. “That feels really good,” she gasped out, a dazed smile tugging at her lips.

Mr. Cat leaned down again, pressing his body against hers, bringing one hand to her face and the other back around her penis, which was now lightly sandwiched between both of their stomachs. “You think that feels good, it’s just going to feel better as we continue,” he whispered against her mouth.

“Then let’s not waste any more time,” Kaeloo said breathily, grinding against him again longingly.

He quickly matched her rhythm, all the while still moving hungry, sloppy kisses from her mouth to her neck and back again, and the hand around her penis still giving it just as much attention as his penis was giving her vagina. She kissed him back when his mouth was on hers, but at all other times she could do nothing but gasp and moan, the ripples of pleasure too strong to let her do anything else. Nothing was able to pass through her hazily smiling lips other than wordless whimpers of approval.

Mr. Cat was now moaning almost as loudly as Kaeloo was, but his urgent pace didn’t slow for a second, even when he pulled his mouth away from hers for a moment to smirk at her. “You’re still not talking dirty to me,” he panted.

“Y-you’re not talking dirty anymore either,” Kaeloo pointed out, words the last thing on her mind as he was still pounding her like a jackhammer and rubbing his hand up and down the length of her erection.

“I’m letting my body do the talking right now.” Mr. Cat let go of Kaeloo’s penis to bring both hands to her face, but this drew out the first disapproving noise Kaeloo had made that entire night.

“Mr. Cat!” she cried out desperately. “Don’t stop doing that!”

Mr. Cat stopped entirely, even his hip movements, although more from surprise than an attempt to torment her again. “Don’t stop doing _what?”_ he finally asked with a smirk.

“You know!” Kaeloo begged, pulling one of his hands away from her face and back down between their bellies. “Keep stroking me! That feels so good! You _can’t_ stop!”

Mr. Cat continued to smirk. He started grinding against her again, his hand hovering just an inch or so from her penis. “Say please?”

_“Please! Please,_ Mr. Cat, I’m begging you!”

Mr. Cat grasped Kaeloo’s penis once more, stroking it up and down at a faster pace. “Like that?”

“Yes! God _yes!”_

“Someone likes my hand around her cock, huh? _Dirty girl.”_

“Ah… yes, _yes,_ Mr. Cat, _yes!”_ Kaeloo gasped out, grinding against him faster and with more urgency as Mr. Cat’s movements grew in intensity. “Do it harder—and faster! It feels so good! So, _so_ good!”

Her breathing grew faster and faster and more ragged as every stroke and every grind felt like it was winding up something inside of her, and she gave into the wave, riding it with abandon. When the wave became a tremor, she sucked in her breath from utter shock as the inner quiver shot its way right through her shaft, the climax quite literally taking her breath away. She could only stare in astonishment at the sight of her penis twitching between their bodies and continuing to shoot out strings of sticky liquid, pooling on her stomach.

Mr. Cat paused once again, staring fascinated at her orgasm as Kaeloo managed to draw in a raspy breath. _“Fuck,_ that’s hot,” he said, capturing her mouth in another ferocious kiss and pounding in and out of her roughly and quickly, Kaeloo still too spent and shocked to do more than whimper lightly into his mouth.

With one more strong thrust, Mr. Cat gasped too and slowed considerably, letting Kaeloo feel his own orgasm twitching inside of her.

They both panted heavily now, taking a few seconds to catch their breath. As their breathing grew quieter, nothing was there to replace it and fill the silence.

Kaeloo slowly moved a shaky hand to her temple, trying to wipe away the sweat that had collected there but finding she had only limited control over her limbs at the moment. It was clearly going to take a bit to recover from that orgasm.

As she drew her hand against her face in a motion that was only partially controlled, her eyes locked with Mr. Cat’s. His eyes were just as wide as hers. The silence left his eyes as the only thing she could focus on.

Her natural inclination to retreat into her familiar routine was now, fully and completely, blown away.

This was going to change _everything_. She had no idea what awaited them going forward, but she knew for sure that there was absolutely no going back after what they’d just done.

Having no clear plan or even an inkling of an idea was terrifying to her, and Kaeloo felt her chest hitch up with panic. She couldn’t breathe again—what was she _thinking_?—how could this be _happening_?—

But then the impending panic attack was killed right in its tracks when Mr. Cat brought a hand to Kaeloo’s face and stroked it, softly and tenderly. Kaeloo exhaled with relief, leaning into his hand, all the fear that had nearly overtaken her vanishing with his touch. The future might still be a giant blank looming in front of her, but Kaeloo wasn’t scared of anything now, just as long as Mr. Cat was there. _Oh please, please, let him care about me,_ Kaeloo pleaded inwardly. _Just let this all be real and nothing else will matter. Just this once, let this NOT be a game…_

“We should probably go get cleaned up,” Mr. Cat finally said, in a gruff voice that didn’t match the tenderness of his touch on Kaeloo’s cheek. “I can go first. I’ll be fast.”

“Okay,” Kaeloo said, nodding languidly.

“Uh—this might hurt. I’ve heard that it does sometimes. I’ll be careful.” Pressing his arms against the sides of the recliner for leverage, Mr. Cat slowly pulled himself out of Kaeloo—

—and Kaeloo yelped, the sensation like a bandage getting torn off her skin. “Ow! What… what was…”

“Sorry.” Mr. Cat quickly stroked the side of Kaeloo’s face again, and Kaeloo temporarily forgot all about the discomfort she’d just experienced. “One of the oddities of cat anatomy.” He hesitated for another second or two, letting his fingers linger on her face again, and Kaeloo once more nuzzled into them before she realized it. “I’ll be quick,” he repeated, hoisting himself out of the chair and swiftly moving into one of the other rooms, leaving Kaeloo alone on the recliner, still breathing heavily and feeling utterly lonesome and exposed upon Mr. Cat’s absence despite knowing he was just a closed door away.

She hadn’t expected for her lust to really be as prominent as Dr. Clark had insinuated. But there was no denying how much she’d enjoyed that. And how much she was longing for his physical presence once more, despite it only being moments that she was deprived of it.

She turned to her side, moaning longingly.

It was impossible to ignore now, wasn’t it? How desperately lustful and horny she’d been this entire time. And that undeniable fact brought everything else about her into question. How could she claim to be childlike and innocent when she had also willingly participated in such dirty, dirty sex… and enjoyed it?

Because, oh lord have mercy, did she enjoy it. She enjoyed everything about it.

The implications of just what that meant for her personally, and for how exactly it defined her relationship with Mr. Cat, were threatening to flood her mind, and Kaeloo wearily pressed her face into her balled-up fists. She wasn’t going to think about that right now. Yes, she knew by now that pushing things to the side was disastrous, both for her and everyone she cared about. But she wasn’t ignoring this, she simply wanted to wait. Just for a day. If any unpleasant truths were waiting to be revealed, they didn’t have to surface right now and ruin this perfect night.

If this was all she got, then she didn’t want anything to soil this moment.

The door to the bathroom flung open, Kaeloo straightening up with surprise on how quick Mr. Cat had been. “Urgh… I hate water,” he groused, giving one last wipe at his body with his towel before tossing it aside and licking the underside of his arm. “Your turn,” he said to Kaeloo, Kaeloo not able to move for a moment, finding herself a bit turned on by the sight of Mr. Cat licking himself like that. He’d dragged that sandpaper tongue against her neck and all she could think at the moment was that she wished he’d ventured to other areas of her body as well.

As he stared at her in a nonplussed way, and she continued to stare enraptured at him, it took Kaeloo a good couple of seconds to realize that the bathroom was hers now. “O-okay,” she stammered out to him, awkwardly leaping out of the recliner and passing by him on her way to whatever bathing facilities he possessed, feeling herself instinctively leaning towards him as she passed him. Dear god but her need to be close to him was stronger than anything she’d ever felt before.

It was the most difficult test of character she’d ever faced to continue walking by him and into the bathroom and the shower.

As she turned the showerhead on and washed away all of the ejaculate, both hers and his, from her body, Kaeloo forced herself to focus on a definitive plan for the next few days… or at least tomorrow.

No games tomorrow, she knew that for sure, at least. If she was going to pass on guardianship of Smileyland to Stumpy like she planned, she was going to have to give him a crash course of all the ins and outs of the world. And make sure he was paying attention. Perhaps she’d have to spend more time in Smileyland than she’d anticipated, making sure that he knew all the ropes. This thought didn’t bother her, though. As much as she knew she needed to move forward with her life and avoid just spinning her wheels in her attempt at perpetual childhood, she still didn’t want to abandon her beloved world entirely.

She didn’t want to abandon Samesville either, she realized. She should probably check in with her parents tomorrow and let them know that things were going fine and she had a plan laid out for her future. Day-to-day it might be, but it was still a plan.

And she had to have an actual conversation with Mr. Cat, too. Kaeloo felt her face flush under the hot water shooting from the showerhead. Of course it seemed as though there was absolutely nothing to worry about on that regard; all signs appeared to be blatantly pointing towards the fact that he returned her affections. But Kaeloo still couldn’t trust her senses. They’d led her astray before. She acknowledged that everything she’d just experienced could still very well be the setup to a cruel joke… or, alternatively, there was also the possibility that none of this had even happened at all and this had all been one long hallucination.

She squinted her eyes roughly, reaching out to turn off the water flow. Possible as all this may be, she did not want to think about it right now. She would deal with it tomorrow. For now, she’d let herself believe the best possible outcome. If only for a night. She’d be responsible tomorrow. That was the word for the next day’s plans, she realized: responsibility.

She stepped out of the shower and looked around the small bathroom, wondering where Mr. Cat kept his towels. She crouched down and opened a cabinet under the sink, water dripping from her body onto the floor, and she almost forgot what she was looking for as she felt her face burn up with shame. She was making a horrible mess. She was a horrible houseguest. She was probably a horrible lay, too, she realized.

Finding a small hand towel, she used it as best she could on her body, feeling more and more uncomfortable at her very presence in the room.

She should probably be getting home soon.

Wiping as much as of the excess water that she could off of her body, Kaeloo hung the small towel on the rack to the side of the sink and opened the door and stepped back into the main room, feeling a sinking sensation of despair settling into her stomach, despite her ultimatum to herself to savor this evening without question.

Mr. Cat was still in there, drinking a clear liquid from a shiny tumbler. Kaeloo’s natural inclination was to believe it was water, but given Mr. Cat’s history, she wasn’t one hundred percent sure it wasn’t something a little more potent. Upon hearing her enter the room, Mr. Cat immediately turned to her, with an expression that made Kaeloo weak in the knees again. “Do you want some?” he asked, quickly holding out another glass of water towards her.

Kaeloo nodded eagerly. “Yes, thank you,” she said, taking it from him and sipping it gratefully. A couple of seconds passed before she pulled it away from her lips, feeling that telltale blush light up her face. The silence was so awkward. Kaeloo couldn’t honestly remember any awkward silences between them before now, probably because at least one of them was always talking. Or maybe there had been plenty of awkward silences and her mind had just repressed the memory of them, like it had nearly everything else that didn’t fit into her idea of a perfect world. She was still no closer to knowing what to believe than she had been when she first followed Mr. Cat into his cat flap. If only she could trust her senses… but she still was overwhelmed with self-doubt. She stared into the glass, trying to focus on something inane and harmless to alleviate the tension.

“Hey, Kaeloo,” Mr. Cat suddenly said, drawing her gaze from her glass to his face in an instant. “Listen, uh, those things I said to you earlier, you know I didn’t mean—”

Kaeloo quickly pressed the fingers of one hand against his mouth, silencing him. “No, Mr. Cat, not tonight. We can talk tomorrow. I have… lots to say, too. But let’s not ruin this night with talking.”

Mr. Cat also brought his hand up to his mouth to touch hers, but instead of pulling her away, his hand rested there, entwining his fingers with hers. Trembling, Kaeloo quickly set down the glass still grasped in her other hand onto the countertop. If they kept this up there was going to be a serious conversation happening any second, and Kaeloo knew that she was too emotionally and mentally exhausted to handle it right now, even if it was exactly what she wanted to hear. Apparently she did need to speak, at least a little, to dispel the moment. Something inane. Something pointless. Something stupid.

“Kiss me again,” she blurted out suddenly. _Oh crap, that was almost TOO stupid!_ “P-please,” she quickly added. _Not much better._ How horrible could she be at this, anyway? Even if he was genuinely interested in her, her bluntness and awkwardness were probably rapidly changing his mind.

Mr. Cat set his glass down next to hers, giving her a what looked to be a rather surprised, touched smile from behind their entwined hands. He moved them from his mouth to her chin in one fluid moment, the requested kiss following it naturally and effortlessly. Kaeloo didn’t have to think either as she gratefully leaned into the kiss, her free hand grasping lightly as his chest. This wasn’t dispelling _anything_—but she didn’t give a crap.

He broke the kiss and she instinctively leaned in closer again, trying to close the gap again before desperately reminding herself that this was not the time to start things up again. So she stopped herself, pulling her hands away and grasping them in front of her chest. “That was nice,” she said quickly. “Thank you.” This again sounded incredibly stupid, but right now she was glad to be saying stupid things again to avoid _doing_ more stupid things.

Mr. Cat gave her another fond little smirk, quickly leaning forward again and giving her a light peck just above her mouth. Kaeloo drew in her breath, all fleeting thoughts of staying focused dashed yet again. Goodness, how had she been able to fight and ignore this attraction before today?!

There was definitely no hope of her being responsible any time before the morning now. Oh sure, she knew what she had to do; she should bid Mr. Cat goodnight and return to her lilypad home for the night. But the prospect of leaving, after everything that had happened, was absolutely disheartening to her. She couldn’t leave this night behind. Especially if it turned out this was all the love and happiness she’d ever receive.

After all, she’d resolved to start acting responsibly tomorrow. Tonight… tonight she could still be as selfish as she desired.

Well, as selfish as Mr. Cat would allow her to be.

“Mr. Cat… I know this might be rather forward of me… but given the late hour, I don’t really wish to return home right now and I was wondering, could I stay here for the night? I’ll sleep on the recliner, I won’t be a bother—”

“Oh no,” Mr. Cat interrupted her sternly. Kaeloo’s heart sank. Even now her fantasy of this all being genuine was crashing to the ground, wasn’t it?

But then, suddenly, her hands were gathered back up in his again, and he was smiling at her with that same affection lighting up his face in a way that suggested he wasn’t even quite aware of it. “You’ll be sleeping with me,” he told her.

So to answer the question as to how selfish he’d allow her to be, the answer was: _very_.

She smiled dreamily at him for a few languid seconds before some switch in her brain flipped on belatedly. “You don’t mean sexually, right? Because I’m much too tired right now for a second round, and—”

“Aw, damn.” He didn’t let go of her hands, though, instead gently leading her with him as he took a step backwards. “But no, actually, I _was_ talking about just sleeping. I just—well—” His face contorted a bit nervously. “Well, you said we’d talk tomorrow.”

Kaeloo nodded eagerly, following him back through the door on the other side of the kitchen area. “Yes, I promise we will. I won’t push this aside and ignore it this time. A-and if I do try to, well—don’t let me, okay?”

“Oh sure,” Mr. Cat responded sarcastically, although his gentle grip of her hands didn’t falter. “Because I’ve had such a great track record of persuading you before.”

“Er—it’s better than you realize, actually,” Kaeloo stammered, her face flushing fiercely. They were now fully in his bedroom and Kaeloo let go of his hands to look around in the dim light coming from the main room, gasping in delight at what she saw. This was the comfiest little room she’d ever seen. In the middle of the floor was, to no surprise, a round cat bed, a few scattered pillows of various sizes decorating it. “Oh my goodness!” she cried, leaping into the bed and pulling a pillow close to her, snuggling against it and the fleece of the bed lining. “This is so cozy and inviting! Why didn’t we have sex here?” Upon realizing what she’d just said, she gasped again from embarrassment and the blush on her cheeks grew even deeper.

Mr. Cat also looked surprised at her words, but only for a second or two before lightly smirking at her. “Maybe next time, babe.” He reached to the side of the wall in the other room to the light switch, flicking off the soft glow and plunging the room into total darkness.

Kaeloo pulled the pillow to her chest and sank her head down into another one, the darkness surprisingly not scaring her as it normally would. Perhaps she was just too tired by now to care, or too comfortable in the bed, but as she closed her eyes, she was fairly certain of the real reason as she felt Mr. Cat slide up against her back, wrap an arm around her tightly, and nuzzle his face into her shoulder.

She could never be scared when he held her like that. Loosening her grip on the pillow pressed to her torso, she brought her newly free hand to grasp his and sigh contentedly. It was as if all her fears had dissipated into the darkness.

Mr. Cat, too, found that his emotional inhibitions slipped away when the light was switched off.

Sure, his sexual inhibitions (yes, he did have some) were completely blown to smithereens when Kaeloo had brazenly followed him and blurted out her desire to get laid. After fantasizing about her for so long, he hadn’t needed any further probing to give her that good fuck that she clearly wanted so badly. Of course it was a bit overwhelming at times, to finally experience what he’d only dreamed about before, but she had kept up with him, and seemed certainly pleased with the experience. And fuck, _he_ was certainly pleased as well.

But for all he knew, all she wanted was a sexual experience, a one-night stand without any further emotional attachments, and it was there that Mr. Cat felt that he had to guard his feelings for her even more than usual. He probably failed miserably at that, he realized, since every time she’d given him that blushing smile he’d felt himself crumble a little inside. Try as he might to conceal those emotions from her, it seemed that sex had just made them even more blatant and obvious. No surprise, really. He was a fucking moron to think he could act otherwise around her.

But even still, even after the sex and in that quiet that followed, when she kept sighing and smiling and blushing and his resolve tumbled bit by bit with each and every little action that tugged at his heart in that way only she could, he’d still tried, vainly, to not let his guard down. To not just break down right then and there and confess how much he loved her.

But with the lights off, and her in his bed snuggled against his body like this, his guard and defenses admitted at least a partial defeat.

“Don’t you ever run out on me again,” he whispered against her neck, the end of the sentence somehow transforming into a kiss seemingly of its own accord.

He felt her fingers squeeze against his hand, and he could swear that he could feel her pulse quickening despite her exhaustion that mirrored his own. “I won’t,” she said softly. “I promise.”

There was, of course, plenty more that needed to be said between them, but with the promise of further conversation in the morning coupled with their emotional and physical fatigue, that was enough for now. Within minutes they were both slumbering happily, clutching lightly and lovingly to that which they adored the most in this or any other world.


	7. Up to Bat

Kaeloo was always an early riser, and this morning was no exception despite the emotionally overwhelming day she’d gone through yesterday. Well, okay, so it was a bit different. She woke at more or less her usual time, but she didn’t rise when she did so. Mr. Cat was still asleep, of course, with one arm still draped around her body, and Kaeloo sighed happily, facing him and moving her face closer to him, taking him in. The smell of his breath… the shape of his ears… the slow and steady twitch of his tail… the way she felt so happy and at peace in his presence…

Well, not entirely at peace. Kaeloo’s smile faded as she remembered that she had sworn to have a real conversation with him today, one that she simply could not keep avoiding like she had been. Her asking for sex first and a talk later had been no accident, she realized. Even then her brain had been doing everything it could to delay the needed discussion as much as possible.

But now… she’d used up all of her excuses.

A low rumbling sound gurgled from her stomach, and Kaeloo sat up suddenly, surprised at the sudden pang it brought with it. She hadn’t really eaten much of anything yesterday, she realized. No wonder she was so hungry. Biting her lip with concern, she looked at Mr. Cat, but she needn’t have worried—neither the sound of her stomach nor her sudden movement upright had stirred him. She briefly considered waking him, but decided to let him sleep—she wanted him to be well rested, and most certainly didn’t want to give him any more reasons to be annoyed with her.

She stood up completely, moving a pillow into the space she had previously occupied, and a touched smile spread across her face as Mr. Cat immediately unconsciously grabbed it and pulled it close to his body.

Goodness, he was giving her more and more signs that her feelings for him were actually reciprocated.

Making her way into the main room and towards the kitchen, Kaeloo quickly shook her head, mentally reminding herself to not be so sure yet. After all, a few years ago she had similarly believed that a boy she liked genuinely liked her back, and… look how that turned out.

She winced, hot tears springing to her eyes.

_“Of **course** it was a joke! And I can’t believe you fell for it! Who would ever actually want **YOU?”**_

Growling in despair and anger, Kaeloo hastily threw open the refrigerator door, zeroing in on her focus to find something for breakfast to try to keep the impending angry transformation at bay. That had been years ago, and in Samesville. Things could be different this time. And yet they could also be the same. Kaeloo had to keep the possibility of all outcomes, good and bad, in her mind with equal expectations of both.

The sight that greeted her upon opening the fridge did nothing to ease her current state of mind.

“Oh goodness,” she said aloud, pushing aside as many cans as she could to try to find anything at least slightly healthy. “Does he have anything in here other than beer and sausages?!”

After a few more seconds of searching, it certainly didn’t seem so.

“Oh dear, Mr. Cat,” Kaeloo sighed disapprovingly, “you simply must take better care of your body! None of this is at all healthy!” Alright… now what? She was still hungry.

She was fairly certain that she had some fruit and rolls back in her lilypad home. Her stomach let out a long, low gurgle at the mere thought of the delicious food. Kaeloo sighed again. She didn’t really want to leave, but, well… a girl’s got to eat.

Besides, she knew she’d be back.

She closed the refrigerator door and climbed out of the cat flap and back outside.

…

After a healthy and hearty breakfast, Kaeloo was feeling much better. Indeed, she was skipping up and down the hills of Smileyland, singing happily to herself. It was so easy to be optimistic and forget about all her troubles in her wonderful, perfect world.

Upon reaching the top of yet another hill, she encountered Stumpy and Quack Quack in a usual scene—Stumpy furiously playing a game on his handheld console, biting his tongue in fierce concentration; Quack Quack eating his breakfast yogurt and watching Stumpy’s progress intently. Kaeloo grinned even more at the sight. It was gratifying and almost a sense of relief to see such an uncomplicated, familiar sight.

“Good morning, buddies!” she called out cheerfully to them. “How are you today?”

“Don’t interrupt!” Stumpy snapped, not even looking up at her. Quack Quack did turn his attentions from the game to her, quacking in a happy greeting… but then, suddenly, his eyes bulged a bit and he brought his hands to his beak in an unsuccessful attempt to suppress a snicker.

“What?” Kaeloo asked, nonplussed.

The noise drew Stumpy’s attentions from his game. “What’s so—” Upon looking at Kaeloo Stumpy similarly snorted in disbelief, biting on his hands to try to keep himself from bursting out with juvenile, devious laughter. Like Quack Quack, he was unsuccessful in this regard.

_“Wahahaha,_ oh _man_, Kaeloo, you got _lucky!_ You _scored!_ Hahaha!”

Kaeloo could feel her face twinge with anger. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she snarled, “but I would appreciate not being laughed at!”

“Phht!” Stumpy snorted derisively, still laughing. “Don’t act all innocent on us, what you did is written all over your face!”

“Quack,” Quack Quack managed to get out through his own chuckles.

That particular “quack” translated into “Look in a mirror”, and as Kaeloo’s confusion at their behavior was still slightly more prevalent than her anger, she whipped out a small handheld one, examining her face in it closely. “I still don’t see what’s so funny!”

“Look lower,” Stumpy sniggered.

She moved the mirror down towards her chin, neck, and shoulders. “You’re both acting like a bunch of _AAAIIIIIEEEEEE!”_

Horrified, she flung her hands up towards her neck, the mirror flying from her grasp. Stumpy and Quack Quack just laughed harder, and now that Kaeloo knew why, the hot flush on her face multiplied tenfold due to embarrassment.

_“I HAVE A HICKEY!”_

“Yeah! Go Kaeloo!” Stumpy cheered, still shaking a bit with immature giggles. “I knew something dirty was going to happen! What was it like? Ursula and I haven’t even made it past first base yet! You made it to at least second base—so tell us!”

“Second base?” Kaeloo repeated, still blushing fiercely and trying to cover up the telltale mark on her neck. “But—but we weren’t playing baseball…”

Quack Quack sighed in exasperation. “Quack.”

This “quack” translated into a very detailed explanation about how baseball could be used as a metaphor for sex and what all the different bases meant. Kaeloo didn’t think she could blush any more than she already was, but, well, she did anyway. “Oh…” she murmured, shrinking more and more into a little, ashamed ball.

“So come on! Tell us!” Stumpy jumped right into her personal space, ignoring her obvious discomfort. “You obviously made it to second base! Did you make it to third?”

Kaeloo continued to retreat into her ball, gulping with mortification. “Er… home run, actually…”

_“Home run?! WOOHOO! GO KAELOO!”_ Stumpy yelped joyously, high-fiving an equally ecstatic Quack Quack. Both then eagerly held out their hands for Kaeloo to high-five as well.

Kaeloo just drew her hands closer to her body, narrowing her eyes at her friends, although the scarlet flush on her cheeks was still far more parts embarrassed than angry. “Can’t you see you’re making me uncomfortable?” she hissed.

“How can you be uncomfortable over _getting laid?”_ Stumpy countered, grinning insanely. “Come on, it was great, wasn’t it? You’ve got to tell me, Kaeloo! I want to know what it’s like!”

“Th-that’s really none of your business!” Kaeloo snapped back. “I mean, yes, of course it was great—”

“YEAH!” Stumpy exclaimed as Quack Quack quacked, and they high-fived each other again.

“I’m not saying any more,” Kaeloo emphasized, standing up a bit straighter and folding her arms across her chest (although awkwardly jamming a shoulder up in an attempt to conceal the hickey). “You are acting like a group of immature school children, and besides, this has nothing to do with you!”

“Come on,” Stumpy said, the smile still firmly plastered on his face, “of course it’s about us! We’re your friends and we’ve been waiting for this to happen to you for _years!”_

“Waiting for what?” another voice cut in. The three friends turned to the source. Pretty ambled her way up the hill, scrolling through her phone. “Because unless you’re talking about this new eyeliner that Nova Makeup International just released today, then it’s not important.” She lowered her phone and looked the group over. Upon seeing Kaeloo she frowned deeper. “Oh, _you’re_ back.”

“Hello, Pretty!” Kaeloo exclaimed with forced cheerfulness, still with a shoulder cocked awkwardly against her neck.

Pretty raised a condescending eyebrow at her. “Why are you holding your shoulder like that?”

“Oh, no reason!” Kaeloo proclaimed much too loudly.

Beside her, Stumpy and Quack Quack erupted into giggles. “It’s just a baseball injury,” Stumpy snorted.

“Baseball?” Pretty asked, her raised eyebrow now in an expression of puzzlement rather than patronizingly.

_“Stumpy!”_ Kaeloo hissed in warning.

But Stumpy, of course, was too stupid to know when to stop. “Yeah, sliding through all the bases and right into home can be kind of _rough_, huh? And _hard?_ Hahaha!”

Kaeloo was now shaking with anger that she took no care to suppress. **_“STUM—”_**

But upon unfolding into her usual furious, aggressive stance that heralded an oncoming transformation, an incredulous, high-pitched squeal of **_“WHAT?!?!?!” _**from Pretty halted any further developments, surprising even Kaeloo. She stopped in her tracks and looked at Pretty in confusion for only a second before realizing that she’d moved her shoulder and exposed her neck.

“Eep!” Kaeloo squeaked out in humiliation.

_“THAT’S the kind of baseball you were talking about?!”_ Pretty dramatically fell to her knees, clawing at her eyes and throwing her head skyward. **_“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”_**

Kaeloo still looked positively mortified, but Stumpy and Quack Quack just exchanged an exasperated eyeroll between the two of them. “What a drama queen,” Stumpy said.

_“Do you know how long I was up to bat?!”_ Pretty continued hysterically. _“Do you know how long I was there at the plate, ready to swing, waiting for the pitch? While YOU—”_ She pointed angrily at Kaeloo. _“You didn’t even know there was a playing field AT ALL! HOW DID YOU HIT A HOME RUN BEFORE ME?!”_

Trying to save face and calm Pretty down, Kaeloo forced out a nervous chuckle. “I think this whole baseball metaphor has gone on a bit too long, don’t you?”

In an instant Pretty was right in Kaeloo’s face, snarling furiously and insanely. _“WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT I DON’T? HUH? **WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT I DON’T?!”**_

“Well, right now, a hickey!” Stumpy said with a cackle, Quack Quack biting his hands to keep from laughing.

Kaeloo had had enough.

She transformed in an instant, roaring maliciously at them, sweeping up Pretty in one hand and Stumpy and Quack Quack in the other. She angrily smashed their heads together, shutting up all three of them. _“IT NOT FUNNY! AND NOT YOUR BUSINESS! KAELOO CAN PLAY BASEBALL WHENEVER KAELOO WANTS!”_ She hurled them all at the ground, and their bodies tore up the dirt like a rake, one after the other—first Stumpy, then Pretty, then Quack Quack.

Taking a deep breath, Kaeloo de-transformed, rubbing a hand against her forehead guiltily yet still looking rather peeved at her three friends. “Goodness, breathe in, breathe out, I’m trying to avoid doing that… but you three are being _very_ rude and immature!” She crossed her arms and continued to glare sternly at them, although they were only just now slowly and painfully craning their heads back to look at her. “I tell you again, it really is none of your business. This is strictly between me and Mr. Cat—no one else! Now, if you’ll excuse me…” She walked past them stoically as Quack Quack calmly and easily picked himself up off the ground and Pretty continued to wail melodramatically.

_“Whyyyyy-y-y-y-y-eeeeeeee? Where did I go wrong?!”_

As Kaeloo marched away, however, Stumpy once again lacked the common sense to leave her be. “Hey, Kaeloo, wait up!” he called out, scampering after her.

“Stumpy, I told you, I am done discussing this!” Kaeloo snapped at him.

“Hey, come on, don’t be that way! I’m really happy for you! I know this has been a long time coming!”

“Stumpy…” Kaeloo sighed helplessly. “This isn’t some magical fairy dust or anything like you seem to think! In some ways I feel even more confused than before. And I think I might have complicated… things… things between myself and Mr. Cat… even further.”

“Complicated?” Stumpy repeated with confusion. “What’s so complicated about this?”

“Come on, Stumpy,” Kaeloo said pleadingly. “I don’t know what to think. It’s all so confusing and I’m getting so many mixed signals—”

_“Mixed signals?!”_ Stumpy barked out in disbelief. “Are you _kidding_ me?!”

“Why would I kid you?!” Kaeloo cried out in desperation. “You know I’ve been led on and hurt before, Stumpy! You were _there!”_

“Jeez,” Stumpy said brusquely, “you really are stupid, aren’t you?”

Kaeloo shook roughly, trying desperately to hold back another transformation. _“YES! Yes, apparently! I AM stupid! Now stop patronizing me!”_

Stumpy actually paused at that, blinking at her once or twice with genuine concern.

“Okay, is _that_ what you’re hung up about?” he asked, although this time without the snarky and condescending tone. “Vincent only paid attention to you for, what was it, maybe five days tops? And then he humiliated you and broke and destroyed you in front of all your classmates and you went all Bad Kaeloo on him and pulverized him and he never wanted anything to do with you ever again after that, even as a joke.” He raised an eyebrow at Kaeloo, although still doing his best to gently explain the facts to her. “But if Mr. Cat’s doing this as a joke, he’s even stupider than both of us combined by this point, I mean, come on. There’s no way yesterday would have still been part of just some joke.”

“Stumpy, where are you going with this?” Kaeloo asked in a small voice.

“Don’t you remember what he was like yesterday when I told him you were gone?”

“Um, please think about what you just said, I was _gone_—”

“Oh, right!” Stumpy laughed lightly. “You really ought to be around more often when you’re gone, you’d notice so much more than you do now! Anyway,” he continued matter-of-factly, “he was heartbroken. Completely crushed.”

Kaeloo brought her hands to her mouth. She realized yesterday, of course, that her absence was distressing to her friends rather than liberating. But she hadn’t realized the actual extent of how it had affected Mr. Cat. “Are you serious?” she whispered.

“Why would I lie about this?” Stumpy muttered, rolling his eyes. “I seriously can’t believe you’ve never realized before. Stick around next time you leave without telling anyone and you’ll see for yourself how much it breaks his heart.”

_“Breaks his heart?!”_ Kaeloo gasped, eyes wide and pupils shrinking to mere dots. “But—but I don’t want to break his heart! That’s the last thing I want to do! I’ve had my heart broken before and I know how horrible it is!”

“Eh, I’m sure everything’s fine now,” Stumpy said nonchalantly, the gravity of his revelation to her apparently completely lost on him. “I mean, come on, you _banged!”_ He smirked at her pervertedly.

Kaeloo was still completely panicked, however. “He was still asleep when I left this morning. What if he’s woken up by now and thinks that I’ve left him again?!” She sprinted away from the hill like a bullet out of a gun, shrieking an anxious _“Mr. Cat! Mr. Cat!”_ the entire time.

Stumpy watched her zoom out of sight, rolling his eyes once more. “Sheesh. She really _is_ stupid sometimes.”

…

Kaeloo practically fell through the cat flap, landing ungracefully in a heap on the floor. “Mr. Cat?” she gasped out, looking around the main room. There was no sign that he was there. Quickly pulling herself from the floor, she raced to the bedroom door and flung it open. “Mr.—”

And she stopped. He was still there, fast asleep, clutching the pillow, exactly how she’d left him.

“…Cat,” she finished dryly. Well. _That_ had been completely pointless. Once again she debated whether or not to wake him, and once again she elected to let him sleep. She needed more time to process everything that had just happened.

What if Stumpy was right? She had to admit that he had a good point that if this was a joke, Mr. Cat was carrying it far longer than Vincent ever had. If this _was_ a similar joke, wouldn’t Mr. Cat have dropped the punchline on her already? It didn’t make any sense to drag it on this long. But what did make sense was Stumpy’s assertation that her departure, one that she had thought was for the best, was actually completely thoughtless and cruel, Kaeloo not even taking the time to think of how it would affect Mr. Cat. Because some of the things he had said to her last night… especially that last, quiet whisper, pleading her to never leave him again…

It was seeming more and more likely that this _was_ real after all, and not just a joke.

Kaeloo’s breath hitched in her throat. Of course she _wanted_ it to be real, but the panic she was feeling at the thought right now made it abundantly clear to her that up until now, she fully expected otherwise. And as horrible as that reality would have been, at least she’d experienced it before. At least she would have known what to expect.

But _this_, this was completely uncharted territory for her.

And yet, despite the fact that this one fact would throw her in a direction she had never believed was ever a possibility for someone like her, at least ever since the whole Vincent incident, she was already planning every step of the rest of her life with Mr. Cat right there with her because she couldn’t bear the thought of living without him…

She took a deep breath. _One step at a time, Kaeloo._

While he slept, she figured she should probably focus on something other than her tumultuous feelings, and remembering the telltale bruise on her neck that proclaimed to the world just what she and Mr. Cat had been up to the previous night, she quickly resolved to retreat to the bathroom and try to find something to cover it up.

She stepped backwards out of the bedroom and turned towards the other door, whacking her arm against the doorframe. “Ouch!” she hissed, although still quickly making her way to the bathroom.

Of course, it was not her noisy, dramatic entrance, but rather this small jolt and clatter, that managed to rouse Mr. Cat.

His eyes didn’t flutter open until she was already in the bathroom, so he didn’t see her. But he still smelled her. He smelled her scent everywhere in his bed and he breathed in the pillow he was still holding in his arms, and her scent and her presence was still there and he had never felt so much at peace, so content. And he clutched the source of the scent protectively before realizing that it wasn’t Kaeloo, it was just a pillow.

Surprised, his eyes creaked open all the way, and he looked at the pillow with a bit of disdain.

Well, _this_ sure wasn’t the love of his life.

Pushing it aside, he rubbed at his eyes and sat up, trying to force himself awake. He wasn’t exactly the world’s swiftest riser, and the rather disappointing sight that had greeted him wasn’t really enticing him to rouse himself any further. It took only one more rub at his eyes to open them mostly fully and realize that Kaeloo wasn’t there.

He heard a muffled clang that seemed to come from his bathroom.

“Kaeloo?” he called out tentatively.

There was no answer. Sighing to himself, he reluctantly pushed himself upward from his bed and moved towards the open bedroom door, looking about the main living area of his abode and still seeing nothing out of the ordinary. “Kaeloo?” he called again.

The bathroom door flung open, and there she was, glaring at him. Of course, this didn’t dissuade Mr. Cat in the slightest, simply smiling happily at the sight of her. Her expression didn’t reciprocate, however.

_“Mr. Cat!”_ she said severely. “You gave me a _hickey!”_

Mr. Cat was surprised for a second or two before seeing the mark he’d left on her neck. He smirked at her.

“Good. I want everyone to know what you’re working with.”

“Oh, honestly, Mr. Cat!” Kaeloo chided angrily, vainly dabbing at the hickey with water in a doomed attempt to try to erase it from her body. “This is absolutely mortifying! We’re the talk of Smileyland now and I couldn’t be more embarrassed! This—”

“Oh, wait, yes, I see the issue,” Mr. Cat suddenly interrupted, stopping Kaeloo’s reprimand straight in its tracks. “That’s horrendous. Horrendously asymmetrical.”

In an instant he had crossed the room and gathered her in his arms.

“I’d better even it out and give you another one over here.” He growled sensually on the other side of her neck, digging his teeth into it.

“Aah-h-h, Mr. Cat,” Kaeloo gasped, vainly grasping at his shoulders. This noise and action only further encouraged Mr. Cat, who moved towards her shoulders, overcome with the need to taste even more of her.

“Mm, yeah, right here too. You like that, babe? You want me to taste every inch of your body?”

Suddenly and jarringly, Kaeloo pushed Mr. Cat away. “Wait. Stop. Just… stop…”

And then she sank to the floor and burst into tears.

Mr. Cat was at a total loss. It would have been one thing if she’d gotten angry; hell, he could write the book on the things that made her angry. But what made her sad… that was an area he was wholly unfamiliar with. Before now he would have considered that a good thing, but now he just felt helpless and torn apart, unaware of both what had caused this and how to comfort her.

“Listen,” she pleaded through her sobs, “if this is all just some big practical joke, I don’t hold it against you, in fact I totally understand—I know I’m unlovable, and maybe even unlikable, and there’s some form of sick humor in laughing at someone stupid enough to believe otherwise. I get that! I really do! I’m stupid, but not completely brain-dead! I know I’m a laughingstock! But—but if that’s all this is, just let me know now and spare me anymore heartache! I don’t think I can take any more of this if it’s all just a lie. I’ll never bother you again, I won’t hold it against you… just please… have mercy!”

…Fuck.

Now that Mr. Cat knew the cause of her outburst, he dearly wished that he didn’t.

This was all his doing. Completely, one hundred percent his doing. Why _wouldn’t_ she believe that this was all just a joke, after all the times he himself had claimed it was? Why _wouldn’t_ she believe he was insincere, after all the times he’d tried to be affectionate with her, it had manifested itself in such an over-the-top manner to come across as almost a parody, as if he were mocking her? His own fear of rejection had twisted itself in her to make her believe she was nothing but a joke. And he had no one but himself to blame. He stepped away from her, disgusted and furious with himself, unable to look her in the eye.

Kaeloo sniffed. “O-okay… I’ll go now…”

_“No!”_ Mr. Cat quickly fell to the floor next to her, reaching out and grabbing her hands in his. _“Don’t leave me again!”_

Kaeloo stared at him, unblinking despite her tears pooling in her eyes.

“It’s not a joke,” Mr. Cat quickly and desperately explained. “It was never a joke. The only joke was saying that it _was_ a joke! I know that you have no reason to believe me, but—just this once, _please_ believe me!”

Kaeloo sniffled again, the tears leaking from her eyes before she raggedly sobbed once more, the tears flowing more freely as she leaned forward and pressed her face against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his body. “Okay. I’m sorry—I’m sorry I’m going on like this—”

“Would you stop saying such stupid shit?” Mr. Cat brought his hand to her chin and pulled her face away from his body, kissing her before he was fully cognizant of what he was doing. Once he was, though, he didn’t pull away. She leaned into him and kissed him back, and suddenly nothing else seemed to register.

“You should know,” he murmured to her in a brief moment when their mouths were free, “that my every dream was consumed by the taste of your lips.” Shit, he was going over-the-top again. But he couldn’t help it. His feelings for her were just that intense.

“I—dreamed about you too,” Kaeloo admitted. “And I really wanted for… this, to continue.” She pulled his lips towards hers again, as if pained by their absence. Mr. Cat could certainly relate.

“I’ll continue it as long as you allow me to, baby,” he purred at her, running one hand along her torso. She shuddered at the touch, and he kissed her back again, addicted to her love and her taste. “You don’t know how long you’ve tortured me, leaving me longing for your touch…”

Kaeloo kissed him back once more before, gently yet forcefully, pushing him away. “Stop, Mr. Cat. Stop. This isn’t talking like we said we would.”

“It’s still talking,” Mr. Cat countered, pulling her into another passionate kiss.

But Kaeloo pulled away with a surprising show of restraint. “No. I won’t let you distract me like this. We need to talk. For real.”

Mr. Cat held himself back, letting his arms slide down to merely grasping her hands fondly. “You’re in charge,” he conceded sincerely.

Kaeloo took a deep breath, still looking rather flustered. “You—you have to realize, Mr. Cat, how terribly bewildered I am by all of this! It was only when Dr. Clark used that device to look into my mind and show me all the aspects of my personality that I realized that I even lusted for you at all—” She blushed fiercely at this— “and now that I’ve accepted that and let it be known, I thought that maybe that would subdue it, but it had the opposite effect… I can’t stop thinking about what we did and how much I want to do it again.” She blushed again and looked away from him, and Mr. Cat could only smile fondly at her and stroke her cheek reassuringly. “And when we had sex, it was so dirty, dirtier than I would have ever imagined, and it would be easy to assume it was just because it was from lust and nothing else, but on the other hand, I can’t stop thinking about you and imagining every step of my life with you by my side, and I’m wondering, am I in love with you? But if I was in love then the sex wouldn’t have been so dirty, and—and I don’t even know what to think right now!” She turned her head from him with shame. “I don’t even know how I’m _supposed_ to feel, let alone how I’m _really_ feeling, and… and I’ve never been so confused in my life!”

“No kidding you’re confused,” Mr. Cat told her, “if you think _that_ was ‘so dirty’.”

Kaeloo blinked at him in utter befuddlement. “I… I thought it was…?”

“Oh, sure, it was a little bit dirty,” Mr. Cat said with a light shrug. “But it could be dirtier. _Much_ dirtier.” He waggled his eyebrows at her.

“Oh…” Kaeloo blushed yet again, gripping his hands tightly. “You seem to know a lot about this…”

“You really should watch some porn sometime. You’ll learn a lot from it.” He smirked at her again as she continued to blush fiercely at his words. “But that’s beside the point. You’re overthinking this. Even if we’d had the dirtiest, raunchiest sex in the universe, it doesn’t have to be an either/or thing. You can have it both ways.” He continued to smirk as he lifted her hands up to his mouth. “Just accept that we had some dirty sex last night, _and_ that you’re madly in love with me.” He kissed the tips of her fingers, lightly enough to leave her longing for more. Of course, it had the dual effect of leaving _him_ longing for more, too.

“You… you may have a point…” Kaeloo admitted, biting her lip. “This is all so strange to me. I guess I really do have a lot to learn about love.”

Mr. Cat leaned in towards her again, letting her hands fall to her lap as he stroked her cheek. “Let me teach you.”

Once again Kaeloo blushed, but a coy smile accompanied it this time. One of her hands reached up to stroke his chest. “You’ve already taught me a lot, Mr. Cat.”

Mr. Cat chuckled lightly at that. “Oh, we’ve barely scratched the surface, baby.”

He claimed her lips once more, Kaeloo eagerly and gladly kissing him back.

It was a such a strange sensation—Mr. Cat still wasn’t used to kissing her like this. Any attempts before yesterday had been met with strong and violent refutation. It still hardly seemed possible that not only was she accepting this time, but she was actually returning the physical affections.

Whatever that psychiatrist had done that Kaeloo had been blabbing about earlier, Mr. Cat owed the doctor his most heartfelt gratitude.

Kaeloo pulled away to giggle. “You know, Mr. Cat, it’s funny…”

“What is? How kissable you are? Because it’s actually just _unfair_, you vixen.” Mr. Cat peppered her with more kisses to prove his point.

“I wasn’t talking about that,” Kaeloo said, bringing a hand to his face and holding another kiss to the lips there for a few blissful, glorious seconds. “But please do continue kissing me!”

“Gladly.” Mr. Cat planted kiss after kiss on her face, not paying much attention to where exactly they landed. “Your kisses sweetened my dreams… but reality puts even those fantasies to shame.”

“Oh, Mr. Cat,” Kaeloo sighed dreamily, resting a hand under his chin. “—But, wait, that’s not what I was talking about. Yesterday, even after we had sex, I had no clue what the future would be. Usually I have a plan but everything was just a giant unknown. But now…” She took a quick second to kiss him back as his lips made their way back to hers again. “Now suddenly I’m planning much further ahead than I ever have before! You can come back with me to that studio apartment I got in the new world I found. It’s small, but it’ll be cozy, and once I find a job we could afford something bigger. I’d love to be a community planner, or event planner, or… just any kind of planner, really! And you could get a job too—I don’t know what yet, hopefully something that doesn’t involve customer service—and we can have this big wedding ceremony and then move into a house of our own, one with red shutters on the windows and a little white picket fence—”

“Oh no,” Mr. Cat said, finally ceasing his kissing of her and pulling away at the first part of her plan he found objectionable. “Absolutely no little white picket fences. I draw the line at little white picket fences.”

“But why?” Kaeloo questioned.

“They’re too cute.” Mr. Cat’s nose twitched with disgust. “If we have to have a fence, why not make it… oh, let’s say barbed wire?”

“No!” Kaeloo gasped. “No barbed wire!”

“Then… electric fence, perhaps?”

“Absolutely not, Mr. Cat! I will not tolerate something so unwelcoming and dangerous on our property!”

“It’s my property too, and I should have a say in how it’s fortified!”

“But the fence wouldn’t be for fortification, it would be for—” Kaeloo quickly shook her head. “No, no, no… goodness, we’re getting ahead of ourselves here… You haven’t even seen the studio apartment yet.”

“Quite right. We’ll argue over the wedding décor now and the landscaping later.” Mr. Cat moved in to kiss her again.

“OH WAIT! I nearly forgot!” Kaeloo suddenly exclaimed, jumping back to her feet, leaving Mr. Cat to fall forward ungracefully, his lips planting with the floor.

“Unpleasant,” he muttered.

“Sorry!” Kaeloo quickly held out her hands and hoisted Mr. Cat back on his feet. “But I just remembered that I haven’t talked to my parents yet and told them where I’ve gone. I need to go back to Samesville and let them know! You’ll come too, won’t you? I want you to meet them!”

Mr. Cat was prepared to do everything else she had meticulously planned for them—apartment, jobs, marriage, house, all of that, he was fully ready and willing to make those leaps with her—but for some reason the thought of meeting her parents left him feeling uneasy. “You can’t go looking like that,” he blurted out, pointing to the hickey on her neck.

“Oh!” Kaeloo gasped in embarrassment, her hands instinctively covering her neck in an instant. “I’d nearly forgotten all about that…” Confused, she gave Mr. Cat what could only be described as an annoyed glare. “I thought you liked that I have this. I thought you wanted everyone to know ‘what I’m working with’!”

Mr. Cat threw up his arms in exasperation. “For crying out loud, that didn’t include your _parents!_ Especially not if I’m meeting them for the first time! ‘Oh, good day, Mr. and Mrs. Frog, yes, your daughter here? Yeah, I fucked her _real g—'”_

_“MR. CAT!”_ Kaeloo roared, her voice dropping several octaves. _“DON’T SAY THAT WORD!”_

“What?” Mr. Cat countered flippantly. “It’s what we did!”

Kaeloo twitched and convulsed with rage for a few tense seconds before rather suddenly snapping back into a bright, almost relieved smile.

“Ooh! I know! I have some scarves in my lilypad I can wear. Come on, Mr. Cat! Let’s go retrieve one and then we can go meet my parents!”

With that, she grabbed the befuddled cat by the wrist and pulled him out of his home without another word.


	8. Samesville

After digging through her clothes trunk for a solid ten minutes trying to decide on the scarf that made her look ‘the most mature’, culminating in an irritated Mr. Cat finally snapping at her to “just go with that one already, for the love of God!” Kaeloo had finally stylishly covered up her neck and eagerly led Mr. Cat the short distance from her lilypad home to an inconspicuous portal door. She flung it open and motioned an arm towards the new dimension with her usual aplomb. “Welcome to Samesville, Mr. Cat!”

Mr. Cat followed her, looking back and forth with surprise.

This had not been at all what he was expecting.

The grass beneath their feet was a tired brown. The sky was a dull grey, even without the excuse of clouds covering it. The land was completely flat, with no hills to break up the monotony, and a short distance from them a simple cement path led to a cluster of houses, all packed together like weary grey slabs, each one virtually identical.

“Is it… always like this?” Mr. Cat stammered.

“Like what?” Kaeloo asked innocently, happily skipping towards the path.

“Like… grey.”

“Oh, that. Well… yes. Yes, it is rather… grey here.” Kaeloo continued to smile, though, and motioned for Mr. Cat to follow her. “But it’s still my hometown! Come on! My parents live just down this path a bit.”

Mr. Cat followed her, continuing to blink slowly in confusion in time with his steps. Okay, so yes, maybe the name “Samesville” should have tipped him off that this place wasn’t going to be overrun with uniqueness. Even so, however, he couldn’t even fathom how someone as vibrant and enthusiastic as Kaeloo had originally come from such a dull, gloomy locale.

They had reached the row of houses and Kaeloo continued walking down the path purposefully, knowing exactly where she was going despite the fact that there were few unique indicators identifying any of the houses. “They’re just down here, a few more houses.” Quickly and eagerly, she pointed to a house that Mr. Cat wouldn’t have been able to pick out from the others in a million years. “That’s where Stumpy’s parents live!”

“Stumpy’s from here, too?” Mr. Cat asked, surprised.

“Oh yes, Stumpy and Quack Quack both. They never told you?”

“It never came up, I guess…”

Kaeloo suddenly let out an excited squeal and raced towards a house just two doors down from Stumpy’s supposed childhood home. “Dad!”

A frog that looked quite similar to Kaeloo, although older-looking and with a slightly slenderer frame, was kneeled down at the front door, pulling weeds in the small garden adjoining it. This did make the house stand out considerably from the others, Mr. Cat had to admit, but it almost seemed to be a wasted effort, as the flowers looked, just like everything else in this world, withered and dismal.

But upon hearing Kaeloo’s voice, the frog gave a warm, happy smile that, like Kaeloo herself, seemed so out of place in this world, one that shot joy into the gloom as if from a cannonball. “Kae! You’re back!” He leapt up and embraced his daughter in a tight hug. “How were your travels?”

“They were—enlightening,” Kaeloo admitted, giving her father a tight squeeze before letting go, talking quickly and excitedly, the words tumbling out of her mouth with abandon. “I may end up pulling a double residence. Or maybe even a triple residence here, if you want me too! I realized I can’t leave Smileyland—not yet, anyway! But the new place I found is good for me, too, because I’ve found a doctor who I think can help me and I’ve already got an apartment of my own and there’s the possibility of job training down the line and I think maybe I might be able to do this whole ‘adult’ thing after all!”

“That’s good to know. I knew you could do it. You just had to take that first leap on your own.” Her father smiled as he said this, but the smile faded a bit when he saw what she was wearing. “Now, does becoming an adult mean that you have to wear a scarf in the middle of June? Because if it does, then I missed that memo…”

“Haha!” Kaeloo laughed awkwardly, twirling the fringe of the scarf on her little finger. “No, Dad, it’s just _fashion!_ Oh! Silly me, I almost forgot!”

She turned around and yanked Mr. Cat by the wrist, pulling him the extra steps to bring him to the yard, her desperation for a change of subject making the movement more forceful than it needed to be. “Mr. Cat! I’d like for you to meet my dad, Kelvin! And Dad, I’d like for you to meet Mr. Cat!”

Still feeling a bit uneasy, despite Kelvin being one of the most welcoming things about this whole situation, Mr. Cat simply raised a hand in greeting, making himself smile in a way he could only hope looked at least somewhat natural.

Kelvin, however, did not smile—the fact that the eyebrow he raised in Kaeloo’s direction was confused rather than irritated was the only small comfort Mr. Cat had. “Mr. Cat?” he asked his daughter. “Is this the same Mr. Cat you go on and on about how much he makes you angry, how he ruins everything, how he irritates you like no one else in the universe?”

Mr. Cat’s face fell. _Shit, this is NOT going well…_

“Yep!” Kaeloo replied with a naïve smile. “We’re getting married!”

Mr. Cat facepalmed at that. _“Dammit_…”

Kelvin looked the two of them over for a few tense moments, not saying anything, still not smiling, but not really giving any clear signs of disapproval, either. Finally, turning to Kaeloo, he said, “Well, we’d probably better let your mother know, shouldn’t we?”

“Yes, definitely!” Kaeloo nodded eagerly.

As Kelvin creaked open the front door and called “Sherrie?” into the house, Kaeloo turned to Mr. Cat with a happy grin still plastered on her face. “He’s great, isn’t he, Mr. Cat? I knew you’d like him!”

Mr. Cat continued to stare at her disbelievingly. “I swear, tadpole, it’s times like this I _really_ want to know just what’s going through that head of yours.”

She opened her mouth as if to give him an answer, but at that moment a female voice interrupted from the door, calling, “Did I hear my Kaeloo’s back?” and drawing Kaeloo’s attention completely away from Mr. Cat for the time being.

“Mom!” she exclaimed joyfully, bounding up towards the door and giving her mother a giant hug.

Mr. Cat was left on the front yard, his jaw slack and his eyes wide with stupefaction.

Kaeloo’s mother was a dog.

A dog with long, golden fur and a fluffy, lustrous tail—almost certainly a golden retriever. As she continued to hug her offspring of a different species Mr. Cat could feel his shoulders haunching and his ears flattening against his head defensively. And no, this was not the best way for one to meet his future mother-in-law. But on the other hand, Kaeloo should have let him know this rather important detail before bringing him here! Or was she that naïve to not realize that dogs and cats didn’t tend to get along very well?

“It’s so good to see you again!” the dog was saying to Kaeloo, although not letting her out of the hug yet. “Especially when you run off to parts unknown like you did!”

Kaeloo laughed lightly and self-effacingly. “It wasn’t like I was _never_ coming back…”

“Oh, I know, but I’m glad it turned out to be a rather quick turnaround like this!” She finally ended the hug. “Now, your dad said you have some big news for me…?”

“Oh! Yes!” Kaeloo bounded back to where she had left Mr. Cat and eagerly led him to the doorway, once again taking no notice of his obvious discomfort. “Mr. Cat, I’d like you to meet my mother, Sherrie. And Mom, this is Mr. Cat!”

Mr. Cat tried desperately to perk his ears back up.

Sherrie, however, seemed completely unfazed by his species, and instead enthusiastically held out a golden paw to shake. “It’s so nice to finally meet you, Mr. Cat! Kaeloo’s told us a lot about you.”

Mr. Cat blinked in surprise at that, still feeling very ill at ease but for a different reason now. “That’s either embarrassing or horrifying.”

Sherrie just laughed. “Oh, nothing of the sort! She’s always thought very highly of you.” This remark caused Mr. Cat to glance at Kaeloo, shocked and a little bit touched and unable to hide the genuine smile the crept upon his face, while Kaeloo gave a slight embarrassed giggle of her own. “So, what brings you here?”

Kaeloo reached out and held Mr. Cat’s hand, beaming happily. “We’re going to get married!”

“—Oh!” was all Sherrie could say to that at first. She turned back to look into the house, where Kelvin was leaning against the doorframe and just gave his wife a nonchalant shrug, before turning back to Kaeloo and Mr. Cat. “Well, that certainly is big news!” she said, smiling at them. “Congratulations!” She yanked the two of them in a big hug, Kaeloo laughing and hugging her back, Mr. Cat just tensing up again at the dog’s touch. “You know,” she said as she pulled away, “I’ve been waiting for an excuse to bake a strawberry cake with all those berries your dad harvested from the garden the other day—was probably just going to do it without any occasion in the next day or so, but I think I’d better bake it now, what with this cause for celebration!” She stepped back and motioned for them to enter the house. “Lunch isn’t going to be super fancy, but I did just make some tuna salad yesterday and there should be enough for sandwiches for all of us, if you kids are hungry!”

“Oh Mom, that sounds delicious!” Kaeloo exclaimed, happily prancing through the door. “But I’m not a kid,” she reminded her severely. “I’m nineteen.” She stopped, blinked in confusion, and looked at her parents apologetically. “…right?”

Mr. Cat simply stared at her disbelievingly. And just when he thought this visit couldn’t get any more bizarre…

“Of course you are!” laughed Sherrie, although she for the first time looked a little confused herself. “But no matter how old you get, you’ll always be my kid.”

“What’s this?” Kelvin laughed fondly at Kaeloo. “My Kae, always so good with numbers and remembering details, forgetting her age? Surely this is just a joke you’re playing on us, isn’t it?”

Kaeloo laughed forcefully, reaching behind her to grab Mr. Cat by the hand again and pull him inside. “Yes, of course, just a joke! I wouldn’t forget something like my age! Haha! Since it’s such a funny joke, Mr. Cat, let’s act like I don’t know _your_ age either! Heeheehee! So how old are _YOU?!”_ She grinned at him with the hugest, fakest, most desperate grin he’d ever seen on her.

Sherrie and Kelvin were now utterly perplexed by their daughter’s actions as well.

Mr. Cat, by this point, was more annoyed than confused. It was as if she was doing everything possible to give her parents the absolute _worst_ impression of the two of them together. He knew how bad it looked, that the two of them didn’t even know each other’s ages yet were talking marriage—hell, Kaeloo hadn’t even seemed to know her _own_ age; why should she know his?

After seeming to make it her mission to make this outing one of the most awkward, uncomfortable mornings of his life, Mr. Cat was prepared to give right back.

“Aw, come on, babe,” he smirked at her. “You know I’d never break the rules of Smileyland. And you told me that only kids are allowed there. So you know just as well I as do that I’m twelve.”

Kaeloo laughed harshly, her eye twitching a bit. “Very amusing, Mr. Cat, but we’re not in Smileyland right now, so you can be the age you actually are.”

“Wait, you said everyone in Smileyland had to be twelve and under?” Sherrie interrupted. “Then what were _you_ doing there?”

“Smileyland has different rules about age than Samesville, Mom…” Kaeloo’s entire left side of her face was twitching now. “But that’s not the case _here_, Mr. Cat, as _I’m sure you realize…”_

If she transformed here she might break through the walls and destroy the house. Plus, Mr. Cat didn’t really want to run the risk of him becoming… well, turned on, in full display of her parents.

“Of course, I was just messing with you,” he said quickly, throwing a casual smile her way. “You played a joke, I played a joke, we’re even. Although I am still younger than you.”

Kaeloo stopped twitching, although she still wasn’t smiling. “Huh?”

“Not by much,” said Mr. Cat with a shrug. “I’ll be nineteen in August.”

Kaeloo finally erupted into her insanely happy grin once more. “Ooooh Mr. Cat! I’m going to throw you the biggest birthday party ever!”

“With cake?” Mr. Cat asked hopefully.

“Of course!”

“Speaking of cake,” Sherrie interrupted, “I’d better get started on that strawberry cake. You already told me yes, Kaeloo, but Kel and Mr. Cat, you haven’t answered me yet—do tuna salad sandwiches for lunch sound alright?”

“Of course, if there’s still enough left for us all after what I had yesterday,” said Kelvin cheerfully.

“I’m a cat, I’m always in the mood for tuna,” Mr. Cat admitted.

“Wonderful! Come right in and have a seat; I’ll set the table.”

…

The lunch scene was a strange one to Mr. Cat—Kaeloo and her parents were chatting cheerfully to each other as they ate their lunches (and as Sherrie simultaneously worked on mixing the cake batter), genuinely just enjoying their company. Mr. Cat couldn’t remember even one similar instance in his own family. Even before his mother had simply cut her losses and walked out, abandoning her family, she and his father could barely stand to be in the same room together. And neither one of them gave a shit about any of their sons other than when it was in their best interests to do so. And of course, since Mr. Cat had been the youngest and most eager to please his parents, he generally sucked up to his mother the most, which made him her favorite as he was the easiest to manipulate, causing his brothers to resent him fiercely. He vividly remembered how Thomas had strangled him, cutting off his air supply for nearly a minute, when he’d brought their mother a beer from the fridge and earned a rare comment of approval from her… he remembered how Charles had punched him straight in the jaw when he’d brought home a stellar report card and their mother had remarked “at least one of my kids isn’t a complete waste of space”. Of course, she hadn’t cared when Charles did that…

Seeing a functional, happy family was so out of the realm of Mr. Cat’s experience that he was left simply baffled by what he saw.

“Say, Mr. Cat,” Sherrie remarked suddenly from her mixing bowl, turning to smile at him with flour smudged across her nose. “You’ve been awfully quiet and we don’t mean to leave you out of the loop. Tell us about yourself! Are you originally from Smileyland?”

Mr. Cat tensed up, pawing at his empty plate. “Nah, I’m just a drifter. Just tumbled right into Smileyland one day like a weed.”

“Oh, Mom, it doesn’t matter!” Kaeloo interjected, surprising Mr. Cat. She turned towards him and smiled knowingly. “Don’t worry, honey, I know you’ve got this air of mystery about you and you’re not about to break it. I’ve got your back.” She winked at him, the small bit of tuna salad sandwich in her hand plopping a bit of its contents on her plate.

Mr. Cat’s breath hitched in his throat. There were some moments in life that seemed so simple and ordinary and yet somehow they just knocked you out with the reaffirmation of how much you loved that special someone, and this was one of those moments. Maybe it had something to do with her using a term of endearment with him for the first time…

“So you stumbled across Smileyland, just like Kaeloo did?” Sherrie smiled knowingly at him. “It takes a special person to go through portals. Right, Kel?”

Kelvin, who was finishing up his own sandwich, blanched a bit at the remark. “Oh—oh, come on, Sher. I’m not special, I was just lucky.”

“In my book, you’re both,” said Sherrie, playfully tapping Kelvin on the nose with her wooden mixing spoon. She moved towards the fridge and opened it, sighing in sudden exasperation. “Oh, fiddlesticks! I don’t have as many strawberries as I thought. I’ll need more than this to bake a strawberry cake.”

“There’s a few more growing in the bushes,” Kelvin said, quickly shoving the rest of his sandwich in his mouth. “I’ll go out and harvest them.”

“I’ll help you, Dad!” Kaeloo interjected.

Kelvin grinned. “I’m always thankful for your help, Kae! Are you done eating?”

Kaeloo swiftly swallowed her last bite and wiped at her mouth. “Yep!” she exclaimed. “Let’s go!”

The two frogs practically leapt from their chairs and zipped out of the room, leaving their empty plates at the table. Sherrie sighed, shaking her head. “Couldn’t even clean up after themselves…” She gathered them up and deposited them into the sink, and then sat down at the table directly to the left of Mr. Cat. “I can’t do any more with the batter until I have more strawberries, so we might as well get to know one another better.”

Mr. Cat winced at that, pushing his empty plate away from him. Damn Kaeloo for abandoning him like this to her dog mother. “There’s nothing to say about me,” he lied.

“I doubt that,” Sherrie said, more seriously than anything else she’d said that day. “I can see that I make you uncomfortable. Is it because I’m a dog?”

Mr. Cat stared, shocked, not having an answer to that.

Sherrie didn’t glare at him despite his lack of answer seemingly confirming her observation. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”

Not having anything else to do, nor any excuse to turn down her request, Mr. Cat simply nodded. Sherrie stood up and made her way through the kitchen door, and he followed her.

They were now in the family room, a small and comfy locale with a TV situated in the corner and a couch and chair gathered in front of it. A piano was against the far corner, practically overwhelmed with family photos atop it. Mr. Cat, transfixed, was instantly drawn to the photographs that contained a young frog, beaming with life and happiness—these were obviously pictures of Kaeloo in her youth. But Sherrie moved towards a different picture, removing it from the piano and holding it gently so that Mr. Cat could see it. With difficulty, Mr. Cat made himself ignore Kaeloo’s childhood photos and turn his focus towards this one.

It was a picture of a cat, a golden colored cat, one who was clearly laughing with joy as the picture was being taken. Her joy was so infectious, in fact, that Mr. Cat felt himself smiling simply at the act of viewing the picture before having any details regarding her identity. “Who is this?” he asked.

Sherrie just smiled softly at him. “This is my mother.”

Mr. Cat’s eyes grew wide as dinner plates. “You’re shitting me!” he shouted out before he could stop himself.

Sherrie’s shock at his explicative exclamation only lasted a second before she laughed uproariously. “No, Mr. Cat, I assure you that I am not in any way shitting you!”

“You’re—you’re part cat?” Mr. Cat stammered out in astonishment. _“Kaeloo’s_ part cat?!”

“Yep! My parents got all sorts of surprised reactions, believe me. Who ever heard of a dog and a cat in love? And not only that, but wanting to raise a family? My sister’s a cat and no one ever believed we were siblings. Not in a million years. We’d show them family pictures and they still didn’t believe us.” Sherrie laughed again at that, as if their disbelief was somehow foolish or laughable. Mr. Cat barely noticed, still completely stunned by this newest surprise that had been thrown his direction.

“But you know what?” Sherrie continued, placing her mother’s photograph back atop the piano. “It didn’t matter. None of it mattered to my parents. They loved each other, and any disparaging comments directed their ways be damned. They knew exactly what their hearts wanted.” She raised an eyebrow at Mr. Cat, looking for the first time since he’d met her rather severe and questioning. “Can you say the same about yourself?”

The question and change of tone was so unexpected that, once again, Mr. Cat was at a loss for words. “Uh… what’s that supposed to mean?” he finally said, with a tone that was a bit too defensive.

“I know Kaeloo,” Sherrie said bluntly. “She’s my daughter, and she’s too much like me for her own good sometimes. If she gets an idea into her head, she’ll steamroller it into everyone and everything she knows. If the two of you genuinely want to get married, of your own choice, I’ll be your biggest supporter. But you’ve displayed nothing but apathy towards the whole engagement from what I’ve seen, and to be frank, I’m rather doubtful of your intentions.”

Mr. Cat pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning in irritation at himself. “It’s—it’s not like that. The truth is, I’m as confused over this whole thing as you are. I’ve been in love with her for ages now but I never expected that she’d actually want me back. It’s been less than twenty-four hours since I’ve realized she does and I suppose I’m still trying to get used to the whole thing. It’s all… just completely surreal, what’s been happening now. Shit.” He rubbed at his forehead once more before looking Sherrie straight in the eye, hopping that his sincerity was apparent and unquestionable. “But just because I’m confused doesn’t mean I’m insincere about this. I love her. I love the _shit_ out of her. And I’ll follow her anywhere, as long as she lets me.”

Sherrie considered this, blinking thoughtfully a few times. “No steamrollering?” she finally said.

“She can steamroller me into anything she wants,” Mr. Cat admitted.

“That’s not steamrollering,” Sherrie said with a light smirk. “That’s voluntary surrender.”

“Okay, then that.” Mr. Cat shrugged with acceptance at that term. It sounded about right.

“Well,” said Sherrie, her smirk growing larger, “your voluntary surrender meets my voluntary approval. And yeah, I know that even if I didn’t approve, you two would have every right to just go get married anyway.” She laughed again. “In fact, if you let me stand in your way, I’d be seriously questioning both of you! Just treat her right, that’s all I ask. And I’m sure you can agree to that request.”

Mr. Cat nodded. “I’m trying.” The truth was, though, that he was fairly convinced after this brief glimpse of a functional family that he was unfortunately rather shit at showing tender, loving emotions. For Kaeloo he’d try his damnedest, of course. But, well… the success rate was probably going to be disappointing at best.

“She is a rather persnickety creature to keep placated, isn’t she?” Sherrie commented knowingly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure in time you’ll know all of her buttons.”

Mr. Cat snorted in amusement before he could stop himself. “Oh, believe me, I _already_ know all of her buttons.”

“I suppose you do,” Sherrie laughed. “After all she’s told us about you already!”

Mr. Cat chuckled nervously about that. The conversation kept wanting to swing to the topic of how much and how often he’d angered Kaeloo throughout the years. He could only imagine the things she’d griped about to her parents. He wanted to do no more than imagine, in fact. Any details would be too personal and incriminating.

“So, you’ve got lots of pictures of Kaeloo on your piano here,” he said quickly, desperately wanting to change the subject—and this subject had the added benefit of being something he actually wanted to talk about. “She might blab a lot to you, but I know practically nothing of her childhood. Her real childhood, not this fake one she’s been trying to cultivate in Smileyland.”

“She’s had quite the life experiences! It doesn’t really surprise me that she’s been trying to extend her childhood, since hers was so idyllic in many ways.” Sherrie removed a photo from the piano and showed it to Mr. Cat, of a young Kaeloo in soccer uniform and enthusiastically kicking a soccer ball on a dull, grey Samesville field. “And this day turned out to be a momentous one indeed. It all started when…”

…

Kaeloo pushed apart leaves of the strawberry bush, searching for any last stragglers to harvest. “These bushes produced a lot this year, didn’t they, Dad? I saw how many Mom already had and adding that to all of these we’ve picked just now—I’ve never seen such a bounty! Your gardening must really be having a positive effect on it!”

“It’s been a good year,” Kelvin admitted. If Kaeloo had been looking at him she would have seen that he wasn’t smiling.

“I think my bucket is finally full!” Kaeloo plucked the last of the berries she’d encountered into her tin pail and emerged from the bush. “If you’re done, let’s bring these to Mom so she can continue baking that cake!”

“Kae, wait,” Kelvin interrupted her. Kaeloo finally made eye contact with him, and his usually friendly and gentle face looked concerned and severe enough that it washed away her own smile, too. “Could I have a word with you before we go back inside?”

“About what?” Kaeloo asked, gripping the handle of her pail far too tightly. This wasn’t boding well. Although maybe it was about nothing important…

Kelvin sighed, taking a few moments to gather his words. “Kaeloo,” he finally said, “you don’t have to do everything at once, you know.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“Growing up is hard enough as it is. I know that. And you are growing up, and it’s not my place to make decisions for you anymore. But as your father I feel I’m still obligated to give you some strong advice when your behavior is concerning me.”

“But—but what’s concerning?” Kaeloo blurted out, one hand releasing its grip on the pail handle to tug at the fringe of her scarf anxiously.

“You left only yesterday, and already you’re talking about therapy _and_ an apartment _and_ job training—and on top of all that, you want to throw marriage into the mix? One step at a time, Kae. You’re going to get overwhelmed if you try to take on everything at once.”

“But I have to,” Kaeloo protested. “This is all very important! I’m an adult now and I have to be responsi—”

“Is it all important to you, really?” Kelvin interrupted. “Or are you just rushing headlong into all of this because you think that’s what adults do, and if you want to be an adult you have to do it all right away too?”

Kaeloo stammered, still awkwardly tugging at her scarf. “I… uh… Dad, listen, I—”

“Sweetie, you don’t have to get married,” Kelvin said firmly. “You’re under no obligation to—”

“It’s not _like that!”_ Kaeloo screeched, feeling her body start to become awash with anger.

“Well, whatever it’s like,” Kelvin continued, undeterred, “and this is just my opinion… but I don’t think you marrying this Mr. Cat is a good idea. Especially not as you’re still trying to get your new life straightened out. Don’t get me wrong, I can tell how infatuated he is with you and I’m sure that’s extremely appealing, but have you actually thought through how the two of you will work long-term? Keeping in mind that this is the same guy who you’ve raised holy hell about how much he angers you starting from pretty much the day you met him?”

_“I AM thinking long-term!”_ Kaeloo roared, waves of rage rippling through her muscles. _“That’s why I want to marry him in the FIRST PLACE! YOU CAN’T MODERATE HOW I FEEL! **RAAAAAAAAUUUGGHHH!”**_

She erupted in anger, dropping the pail and spilling strawberries all over the ground, the scarf around her neck ripping to shreds as she roared again in frustration. Her father, now utterly dwarfed by her, simply sighed.

“I’m not moderating anything,” he told her. “Again, this is ultimately your decision. But I wish you’d just take my concerns into consideration. I have a lot of life experience that’s worth more than just a pile of beans, you know.”

_“BAD KAELOO DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR BEANS!”_ Bad Kaeloo bellowed at her father, still stoically standing his ground. _“ALL KAELOO WANTS IS TO MAKE OWN DECISIONS! THEY **GOOD** DECISIONS! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!”_

“It’s not about whether they’re good or bad,” Kelvin countered levelly. “It’s that they’re hasty. That’s my concern.”

Bad Kaeloo roared wordlessly once more, her anger only rising at her father’s total nonchalance at her current enraged state. She didn’t have to listen anymore. She didn’t have to take any of this anymore. In a blind rage, she tore off the front wall of the house.

The scene that greeted her in the family room was rather bizarre, and completely unexpected. Her mother and Mr. Cat were both seated on the piano bench, a framed photograph in her mother’s hands. Both of them were chuckling with each other at whatever stories they were sharing. And Bad Kaeloo just became even more angry. There was no way she was going to let Mr. Cat have such a good time with her mother after what she’d just gone through with her father.

_“MR. CAT!”_ she shouted, the sound breaking another window.

The two of them looked up from the photographs.

“Oh, great,” Mr. Cat muttered. “What happened _this_ time?”

“Kaeloo!” Sherrie scolded gently. “What have I told you about ripping out the walls? They cost a fortune to replace!”

In any normal, less rage-filled state of mind, Kaeloo would have found it comforting that her parents and fiancé were so accustomed to everything about her that even her angry transformations were met with little more than indifference. But when she was this angry, she wanted a reaction. She wanted fear. Or pleading. Or, well, _something_. And she was getting _nothing_.

_“WE LEAVE NOW!”_ She reached through the now destroyed drywall and plucked Mr. Cat right off the bench.

“You know, dear, this is very bad manners towards your parents,” Mr. Cat remarked.

_“NO, **THIS** BAD MANNERS TOWARDS **YOU!”**_ She swung him by the tail over her head, slamming him into the ground mere inches from her spilled strawberries.

“Ah… we should go,” he croaked out with difficulty.

_“WE GO **NOW!”**_ Bad Kaeloo agreed, continuing to grab him by the tail and drag him behind her, stomping towards the path that led out of the cluster of houses and towards the portal door.

Mr. Cat painedly raised a hand in farewell as his fiancée dragged him off. “It was nice meeting you!” he called out to Kelvin and Sherrie.

The frog and dog couple simply stared blankly as they watched them leave, and even after they’d disappeared they continued to do nothing but blink.

“He seemed to handle that well,” Kelvin finally said.

“I’m sure he’s had lots of practice by now,” Sherrie said, throwing a smirk her husband’s way.

Kelvin sighed. “That’s apparent.” He turned to look at her fully. “So… your thoughts…”

“I think that Mr. Cat’s quite the character! I like him!” She grinned at her husband. “I wasn’t entirely convinced at first, but we had a really nice conversation in there while you and Kaeloo were picking berries. And while you were apparently pissing her off…”

Sighing again, Kelvin rubbed at his forehead. “I just told her that she should slow down. She’s jumping into things too quickly. Especially this whole thing with Mr. Cat.”

“It’s not all that quick,” Sherrie countered. “They’ve known each other for two years now. That’s plenty of time to get to know one another. Way more time than we’d known each other before deciding to get married. What was it, four months? Five months?”

“Four months, three weeks, and a day, but who keeps track of things like that?” Kelvin smiled fondly at Sherrie. “But that was different. We were both pretty much taken with each other from the start. You didn’t spend the first four months and three weeks of that time complaining about how angry I made you.”

“And after two years of all that, Kaeloo still wants to marry him! I’d say she knows what she’s doing.” Sherrie fondly nudged Kelvin in the shoulder. “I know you’re worried about her, but there’s no need. She can take care of herself. And if she can’t, then Mr. Cat will.”

“I hope you’re right,” Kelvin admitted.

“I hope I’m right too, because I’m still baking that strawberry cake today in celebration of our daughter’s engagement even after they flew the coop.” Sherrie’s eyes flickered to the ground, where the spilled strawberries from Kaeloo’s pail still remained. “Although it will be very light on the strawberries…”

Kelvin held up his own pail, filled to the brim. “Don’t worry, dear. I’ve got you covered.”

Sherrie smiled again, giving her husband a quick peck on the lips. “You’re the best.”


	9. The Burden of Responsibility

Bad Kaeloo stormed her way straight through the door leading back to Smileyland and kept right on going, dragging Mr. Cat behind her on the ground the entire time. Her anger at so many little things—how her father hadn’t trusted her, how her mother scolded her like a baby, how Mr. Cat didn’t seem to care about any of it, how she’d lost her temper in the first place—were snowballing and bleeding into the main catalyst, and that was of course how everything her father had said had ripped to shreds her seemingly perfect plan. If he hadn’t said any of that to her she would have no cause to doubt the validity and sense of her actions. But now doubt was pulsating through her veins along with her anger, in and out, unrelenting and unstoppable, each negative emotion intensifying the other.

“Hey, babe, I’m not a rake,” Mr. Cat complained from behind her.

**_“SHUT UP!”_** Bad Kaeloo shouted at him. Thinking was not her strong suit, especially in her bad form, and she really didn’t need him muddying the waters even more than he already was.

“If you’re going to use me like a garden tool,” he said, completely ignoring her command, “I don’t want to till the ground. I want to till _you.”_

The choice of words was so odd that Bad Kaeloo stopped moving momentarily, dropping Mr. Cat. He didn’t rise, however, instead choosing to remain lying on the ground and gazing at her dreamily.

“I am so turned on right now,” he purred.

If Bad Kaeloo could have transformed again after already being transformed, she would have right then and there.

** _“HOW CAN YOU THINK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW?!”_ **

“How can I _not?”_ Mr. Cat countered. In an instant, he leapt to his feet and pressed himself against her, one arm cupping her ample buttocks. “You’re exquisite, baby.” He looked up at her, pleading and desperate. “Let me till your insides. And then you till my insides. Let’s just till each other until there’s no ground left to t—”

** _“ENOUGH!”_ **

Even with the sudden stop, they were still close enough to Bad Kaeloo’s intended destination—her lilypad home, which was of course situated right next to the only bodies of water in Smileyland. In a single rough, quick motion, she yanked Mr. Cat off the ground by his tail again and swung him right into the pond. The splash he made upon hitting it was the first thing that placated her even a tiny bit since returning to Smileyland.

The unmistakable yelp and screech of a cat getting drenched pierced the air like an alarm. Frantically, Mr. Cat scrambled his way out of the water and to the shore, trembling and heaving. “God _damn_ it, Kaeloo!” he gasped, trying to glare at her as he continued to spasm anxiously.

_“SERVES YOU RIGHT!”_ Bad Kaeloo responded, taking a flying leap into the pond herself. The impact her large form made on the surface of the pond caused a giant splash, one big enough that it reached the edge of the water and drenched Mr. Cat once more.

“HOLY HELL!” he yelped in agony.

The impact of the water had the intended effect on Kaeloo—she transformed back into her normal self once completely submerged. Even so, she could still feel that her anger was only barely contained, so she remained motionless for a few moments, trying to calm herself. The water encased her in a way that almost felt protective to her, and after letting it soak out some of her tension, she kicked her back legs and swam underwater in an attempt to let as much of it out as possible. She wasn’t a particularly strong swimmer, at least by frog standards, but… she _was_ still a frog, after all. Submerging herself was always a surefire way to get herself more at ease.

Finally feeling that her anger and upset feelings had been quelled to a mere dull roar, she surfaced, making her way to shore with two swift, strong strokes. Mr. Cat was still there, drenched and heaving. He glared at her bitterly as she climbed out of the water. “Asshole,” he hissed.

Kaeloo’s hands balled into fists, angry again in an instant. “Watch your language, Mr. Cat! Besides, you’re the… butthole, for making such inappropriate and lewd innuendos when I clearly wasn’t in the mood!”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Mr. Cat snarled at her sarcastically, “I didn’t realize that I wasn’t allowed to find my fiancée sexually attractive.”

“There is a _time_ and a _place_ and this is _NEITHER!”_ Kaeloo shouted forcefully. “While you were in there having a great time getting along with my mom, my dad had the gall to—”

“Great time with your mom? It sure didn’t start out that way! She practically had me in a police interrogation room! And oh yeah, on the subject of your mom… why the hell didn’t you tell me she was a _DOG?!”_

“Why does that matter?” Kaeloo cried in exasperation. “It’s not my mom that’s the problem! My dad—”

“Is she your _real_ mom?” Mr. Cat pressed. “Your _biological_ mom?”

Kaeloo groaned in frustration, trying her best to keep her breathing level and steady. “You are deflecting the conversation, Mr. Cat! Deflecting it with pointless questions! Of course she’s my real mom! Now stop trying to—”

“They’re different species,” Mr. Cat said emphatically. _“Different species!”_

Kaeloo’s shoulders sagged with utter disbelief at the words she was hearing. It wasn’t exactly in her nature to be snarky and scathing, but the hypocrisy Mr. Cat was displaying really warranted no other reaction. “And what do you think _we_ are?” she asked curtly and severely.

_“Sheesh,_ it’s not that.” Mr. Cat rubbed at his forehead, looking honestly worried. “I didn’t realize different species could actually reproduce. That wasn’t a thing where I came from, and… but apparently it is _here_, and we had sex, and I might have gotten you pregnant!”

“…oh.” Kaeloo’s pupils shrunk and her mouth similarly shrunk to little more than a small dot. “I… I didn’t even think of that…”

“Oh, and another thing,” Mr. Cat said, still giving Kaeloo a sour look. “I’m a cat and your mom’s a dog and you really should have given me a heads up beforehand!”

“What,” Kaeloo sighed in irritation, “does that have to do with—”

“Cats and dogs don’t get along!” Mr. Cat shouted at her emphatically. “Are you really so naïve to not realize that?!”

“My grandparents are a dog and a cat and they get along fine,” Kaeloo countered. “So I don’t—”

“Yeah, well, the real world isn’t always sunshine and roses and ‘let’s all get along’ like your happy little Samesville apparently is!”

_“Samesville isn’t happy!”_ Kaeloo shrieked. “Why do you think I _left?”_

Mr. Cat finally stopped yelling at her, giving her a look of honest confusion. “But your mom was telling me all about your happy childhood.”

“There’s a lot that my parents don’t know,” Kaeloo muttered harshly, looking away from him.

_Remember your breathing, remember your breathing…_

But it was difficult to breathe with her lungs constricting as the bad memories washed over her, in particular the absolute worst memory of all, the final straw that had pushed her to leave Samesville…

A touch on her shoulder yanked her out of the mental sinkhole into which she had been plummeting. Startled, she brought her head back up, examining Mr. Cat’s expression. He looked a bit awkward, as if he wasn’t sure placing a hand on her shoulder would help in the slightest, but all traces of anger were gone from his face.

“Do… do you want to talk about it?” he asked her.

Kaeloo sighed and shook her head. “No.”

“Well… at least tell me what your dad did that got you so mad. He does know that making you angry is _my_ job, right?” Mr. Cat forced a small smile at her.

To her surprise, Kaeloo found herself giving him a small smile and chuckle in return. “You are definitely the best at it.” She looked down at her hands and examined her fingers absentmindedly, her eyes narrowing. “Maybe that’s why I got as mad as I did. I wasn’t expecting _any_ of that from him. It all just… crushed me. Like a bug.” She looked back at Mr. Cat. “He said we shouldn’t get married. He said I was rushing into things and wasn’t thinking long-term.”

Mr. Cat didn’t seem too fazed by this. “He’s probably right. You _are_ kind of diving headfirst into this. Not that I mind,” he added, stroking her cheek seductively.

“I _am_ thinking long-term!” Kaeloo protested, pushing Mr. Cat’s hand away. “I have everything planned out! At least I _did_ before he had to go and say all that and make me question everything now because he doesn’t trust me! And you _agree_ with him?! You don’t trust me either?!”

“When did I say that?” Mr. Cat argued hastily. “I just said that I think he’s right about your idea of getting married coming completely out of nowhere and—”

_“OUT OF NOWHERE?!”_ Kaeloo shrieked. “Even—even _you_ are saying that now?! _YOU?!_ I thought—I thought us being together _meant_ something to you!”

“Of course it does! But marriage has nothing to do with us being together! Even if we never get married I’m still going to stay with you! Marriage is just some weird formality that doesn’t really mean anything other than lining the pockets of wedding photographers and caterers!”

“Of _course_ it means something! It means a _LOT!_ It means that we’re completely serious and we want to show the world how much this means to us and that we’re doing things the right way!”

“We have literally _never_ done anything ‘the right way’. Why start now?!”

_“BECAUSE!”_ Kaeloo screeched, getting right in his face. _“Because I am TRYING to do things the right way! I am TRYING to do things RIGHT for once and be RESPONSIBLE and show everyone that I’m NOT just some stupid little kid who can’t get anything right and—WHAT?!”_

As Kaeloo had been shouting at him, only just barely managing to keep herself from transforming again, Mr. Cat hadn’t stepped away from her, yet _had_ instinctively shrunken a bit in the face of her rage, his eyes darting down to avoid hers… but what drew out Kaeloo’s angry interjection of confusion was that upon flickering downward, his eyes grew huge with shock.

“You…” Mr. Cat pointed disbelievingly at Kaeloo’s lower torso. “You have a rage boner.”

Horrified, Kaeloo looked down at her pelvis and saw that, indeed, in all her angry ranting she had somehow gotten turned on and was expressing it with male genitalia. _“WHAT?!” _she shrieked at her body, as if it had betrayed her somehow. Which it had. She shot a hand down between her hands, searching desperately for a slit—and there was none. Her body had _definitely_ betrayed her. She was all boy down there.

“Even when you’re angry at me I still turn you on?” Mr. Cat breathed excitedly. “Sweet Jesus, I’m in heaven.”

Kaeloo shook dangerously, clenching her teeth so hard she was afraid that she might bite through her jaw. _“Shut… up… immediately…”_

“You can’t let this opportunity pass us by!” Mr. Cat exclaimed, clutching her hands desperately. “Do me. Have angry sex with me. Let me get a taste of that meat!”

Everything exploded inside of Kaeloo.

She painfully erupted into her bad form once more before she could stop herself, roaring wordlessly with rage at how this day was turning out. Nothing was going right. Absolutely nothing. And—

“Oh my god,” Mr. Cat cried out, desperately pawing at her lower torso. “Now you _have_ to do me. Do me in the ass! Rip me a new one! I’m begging you!”

Bad Kaeloo was so angry that she was having trouble seeing through the blood vessels popping in her eyes. _“PERVERT!”_ she shouted at Mr. Cat, not knowing what else to say.

_“Damn right I am!”_ Mr. Cat exclaimed, completely undeterred. “I’m _your_ pervert, baby! Now punish me for my transgressions! Unleash all that beautiful anger on me! _Destroy me! Rip me to shreds!”_

Thinking was not Bad Kaeloo’s strong suit.

In a calmer state of mind, she would have been totally averse to encouraging Mr. Cat’s… _fantasies_, electing instead to not give him the satisfaction of what he wanted. But right now, she was unable to reason. And the only thought—such as it was—that was tumbling through her head that was distinguishable from all the anger was a similarly angry _“He thinks he’ll like it? HE THINKS HE’LL LIKE IT?! Well, I’m going to make sure that he DOESN’T!”_

And so she slammed his face into the ground, roughly grabbed his hips and hoisted his derriere aloft, and shoved her cock inside of him as roughly as she could.

_“YOU ASKED FOR IT!”_ she roared at him.

_“OH GOD YES!”_ he hollered back at her. _“KEEP POUNDING ME! POUND ME TIL I’M RAW!”_

…well, this wasn’t going quite as planned. He wasn’t supposed to _like_ it.

And for that matter, _she_ wasn’t supposed to like it either. But she couldn’t deny how good and tight he felt. And she couldn’t deny how much his groans and howls of pleasure as she relentlessly hammered him excited her, too. They impelled her to go even rougher on him, wanting to hear just how loud she could make him get.

She could see him desperately pawing at the ground, his eyes delirious with the most acute mixture of pain and pleasure she’d ever seen him display. The vocalizations, now forming into words, seemed to teeter the fine line—if he even had one—between the two sensations. “Oh—fuck! _Fuck! FUCK YES!”_

_“DON’T SAY THAT WORD!”_ Bad Kaeloo managed to shriek at him, despite the fact that her mental thought process had been reduced to similar words.

Mr. Cat gasped raggedly before awkwardly turning his head back to try to address her. “I’m—I’m not allowed to say ‘fuck’ when you’re _fucking_ me?!”

_“WE NOT DOING **THAT!”**_ she angrily protested, although she didn’t slow her harsh gyrations in any attempt to defend that claim. _“WE MAKING LOVE!”_

“Oh—_fuck!—bullshit!”_ Despite the barrage he was going through, Mr. Cat still managed to raise a snarky eyebrow her direction. “This is nothing but a rough, dirty fuck and you know it!—_OH, FUCK YES!_—And there’s nothing wrong with that,” he added groggily, his jaw hanging open in a half smile as he continued to mouth the word “fuck” with every other thrust.

Bad Kaeloo couldn’t think straight. She was angry that he had the gall to actually _like_ what she was doing to him. She was angry that she had been stupid enough to think that he _wouldn’t_. And she was angry that… that…

That, _fuck_, she liked this too. In fact she felt absolutely wild with ecstasy, so intermingled and indistinguishable from her anger, that she just couldn’t stop herself.

She dug a hand into his back, rumbling low growls from her throat as she went rougher and rougher, and when she violently unloaded herself in him it felt like everything burst from her—her anger and confusion popped like a bubble as she came.

De-transforming a second later without consciously choosing to, the sudden size change made Kaeloo stumble and fall right on Mr. Cat, although with her member still firmly lodged inside of him. He hit the ground fully, still breathing raggedly and not looking all there.

Kaeloo’s breathing was now short and tense as well. Now freed from her anger she was better able to rationalize what had just happened—and she had no rationalizations, she was absolutely dumbfounded at herself. “Oh god,” she squeaked in a tiny voice.

“Ah… dreams do come true,” Mr. Cat drawled underneath her.

“D-did I really just do that?” She brought a hand to her mouth in shock, the other still trembling and trying to hold her body a bit upright to keep from crushing Mr. Cat (although in her normal form, she really wouldn’t hurt him that much, certainly not as much as…)—“Did I hurt you?” she gasped out, which, she reflected the instant the words were out of her mouth, was probably the stupidest question ever asked in the history of the universe.

“In the best possible way,” Mr. Cat assured her, smiling wonderingly at her.

“Oh my goodness, I can’t believe that we—and in public, too!” she exclaimed in horror, as if that was the most scandalous thing about their tryst. She rolled out and off of him, falling to the ground on her back with a weak thud, still looking panicked. “I’m not like this, I swear I’m not like this…”

“You certainly _are_ like this, and thank god for that,” Mr. Cat countered, rolling over on his side to stroke her face tenderly and affectionately.

“I-I don’t want it to be like this all the time. Or even most of the time,” she insisted.

“Some of the time?” Mr. Cat asked hopefully.

Kaeloo blushed fiercely, remembering how good he felt… how much that bad part of her she tried to keep tucked away enjoyed holding him at her complete mercy. “Some of the time… very rare occasions, yes. Nothing more than that!”

“I can live with that,” Mr. Cat sighed dreamily.

“I’m not like this,” she insisted again, vainly.

“Oh, get over yourself, babe.” Mr. Cat languidly moved her face towards his and kissed her before she had any chance to even realize what he was doing. “You’re perfect.”

Kaeloo blushed even deeper, not wanting to refute that. “Thank you,” she said simply and awkwardly.

A strange sensation washed over her, like a slow wave of the truth that was both sudden and steady at the same time. Why had she been so confused earlier that morning? Of _course_ she loved him. She’d loved him for quite awhile, if she was completely honest with herself. All she could do was just inwardly sigh and chuckle at herself for how impossibly dense she had been. Even now she was probably still dense, as her inner panic of just how naughty and dirty she’d been still attempted to yell above this newest veracity of hers. This constant volleying of emotional highs and lows was exhausting, and with every new revelation, it just highlighted how incredibly ignorant she’d been all this time. It was almost too much.

And then he kissed her again and it all melted away and she didn’t care anymore.

He pulled away, a bit reluctantly, and she ached at the loss of his touch. “Can I use your facilities?” he asked her. “Because I’m pretty sure that you left quite the mess…”

“Yes, of course,” she said, her heart thudding against her chest. “I’ll just lie here…”

With great difficulty, he pushed himself up on his feet. “I’m going to be feeling this for awhile,” he said, smiling in a way that didn’t seem quite appropriate given the circumstance.

“Uh-huh,” she responded distractedly, staring up at the sky in a daze. Thoughts of him were distracting her from… him. That didn’t make any sense. Nothing made any sense anymore.

He disappeared into her house not exactly swiftly, but she was still not cognizant of his departure until he was already gone. Still lying on her back, she turned her head to the side, her pounding heart still rattling her ribcage.

This had been a very, _very_ eventful few days, and things were showing no signs of letting up anytime soon.

Kaeloo knew, of course, that change had had to happen, but… maybe her dad was right. Maybe things _were_ changing too quickly. At this rate, she wasn’t even sure who she was anymore. This was despite the fact, she reminded herself, that really nothing had changed about her other than the fact that she was aware of and acknowledging facts about herself that she had pushed away before now.

What a thing to realize.

_I can’t lie here all day,_ she reminded herself. Although the thought was quite tempting.

But no. She still had lots to do… so much to do…

It seemed like an eternity had passed before she finally pushed herself off the ground and stepped into the pond once more, to clear her body and her mind once more.

She had a feeling she’d be submerged for quite awhile again.

…

After her head finally felt a bit clearer, Kaeloo exited the pond and returned indoors for just a minute or two to find another scarf. Mr. Cat, being, well, a cat, had curled up on her sofa and fallen asleep once more. Kaeloo shook her head as she wrapped the new scarf around her neck, not understanding how one person could sleep so much. Still, though, the sight of him so relaxed and peaceful in her house made her break into a warm smile, and she lightly kissed the top of his head before she headed back out.

Her next order of business was to find Stumpy again, and hope that he was in the mood to actually listen to her today. As she traipsed through the outdoors and saw no trace of anyone, the air seemed oddly quiet, which she found… unsettling.

“Stumpy?” she called out. “Stumpy!”

She turned a corner to where the communal couch sat, and there he was, lying on it upside down with his nose buried in a Mr. Coolskin comic book. Empty bags of chips were strewn along the ground, and two sheep were gathered around them, sticking their noses into the refuse.

“Stumpy!” Kaeloo cried out, aghast. “What’s the meaning of this mess?!”

Stumpy lazily peered at her from behind his comic book. “Where’ve you been?” he drawled lazily at her.

“Er… Samesville,” Kaeloo admitted. “And then… swimming.” She blushed lightly. “It’s been a day of ups and downs…”

“Why do say that?” Stumpy asked, raising a confused eyebrow. “That all sounds super boring.”

Kaeloo sighed. “I think I’m resigned to the fact that nothing involving me will ever be boring…”

“But anyway,” Stumpy continued, tossing his comic book behind the couch, “what game are we playing today?”

“Oh, not a game today, Stumpy!” Kaeloo exclaimed. “But it will still be very interesting.” She whipped out a tiny book that fit in the palm of her hand. “You are going to learn all of the rules of Smileyland today!”

_“What?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”_ Stumpy let out a skyward scream. “What am I being punished for? Is it for laughing at you this morning? Because it wasn’t at _you_, it was just at the way you were so clueless about—”

_“Stumpy! Enough!”_ Kaeloo hissed. “I don’t want to talk about it! Why—why do you think I’m wearing this?” she asked curtly, pointing at the scarf.

“You’re cold?” Stumpy asked, cluelessly.

Kaeloo sighed again. “Never mind. It’s not important. But this is! If you’re going to be the next guardian of Smileyland you’re going to have to commit all these rules to memory!”

“You didn’t say that I had to _read a book_ to be the guardian!” Stumpy complained. “That’s not worth it! Quack Quack can be guardian instead!”

“Is this really a decision you want to be making so lightly?” Kaeloo countered. “You really want to give up all this power just like that? –Where is Quack Quack, anyway?”

“He’s on a date with Eugly.” Stumpy looked slightly upset at that fact. “Where’s Mr. Cat?” he suddenly asked.

“He’s, uh… on a date with my couch?” Kaeloo offered awkwardly. “He sure does sleep a lot.”

“Yeah, well I’d rather be on a date with _this_ couch than have to listen to all your stupid rules!” Stumpy said, hopping back on the couch and folding his arms crossly.

_“Stumpy!”_ Kaeloo shrieked, her anger bubbling up alarmingly. “If you’re going to have that much disregard for the rules, maybe I _should_ pass on guardianship to Quack Quack instead!”

“Now you’re talking!” Stumpy grinned.

Kaeloo groaned in exasperation. “This is a waste of time!” she groused. “Just like talking to my parents was, just like—”

“Quack.”

Quack Quack’s arrival was enough to pull Kaeloo from her woe, at least for a little bit. “Quack Quack!” she exclaimed.

“Yay! You’re back!” chirped Stumpy.

“How did your date with Eugly go?” Kaeloo asked.

Quack Quack gave one of his rare smiles. “Quack,” he said pleasantly.

“That’s good! Now, Quack Quack, listen carefully. I have a very important task for you, if you are willing to accept it. But to accept it, you must also accept the shouldering of a great responsibility. Are you up to the task?”

Quack Quack blinked in surprise and confusion.

“Be up for it!” Stumpy whispered, still perched on the couch. “Because if you’re not, it has to be me, and I don’t want it to be me! I hate responsibility!”

“As you already know,” Kaeloo continued, pointedly ignoring Stumpy, “I will be stepping down from guardianship of Smileyland in order to sort out a few… personal issues, to make a few changes… and this resignation may possibly be permanent. Regardless of how long my absence will be, however, it is still a certainty for at least some amount of time and Smileyland will need a new guardian. I have offered the role to Stumpy, but he turned it down. The offer now extends to you. Will you accept, Quack Quack? Will you be the next guardian of Smileyland?”

Quack Quack stood in silence for a few moments, stroking the underside of his beak with his hand, deep in thought. Kaeloo waited anxiously, wringing her hands. Stumpy, meanwhile, had climbed off the couch and was now fighting over the last crumbs in the bottoms of the chip bags with one of the sheep.

Finally, Quack Quack opened his beak to answer.

THOOM!

And then his head was burnt to a crisp.

“Ah, the best part of waking up is target practice on the duck!” Mr. Cat exclaimed, appearing out of seemingly nowhere, his trusty bazooka in his hand.

_“MR. CAT!”_ Kaeloo screeched, wringing her hands even more to the point that she nearly broke her own wrists.

“Hey! We’re all here!” Stumpy pushed the empty chip bag aside, landing it squarely over the sheep’s head. “Can we play a game now?” he asked as the sheep blindly stumbled straight into the edge of the couch.

“No!” Kaeloo snapped at him. “Not right now! I need to be responsible first!”

“Stop saying that horrible word!” Stumpy screeched dramatically.

“Responsible?” Mr. Cat repeated incredulously. “Come on, babe, haven’t you been responsible enough for one day?”

“It’s a sickness!” Stumpy exclaimed. “We need to offset it, stat! IT’S TIME FOR SHEEP FOOTBALL!” He ferociously kicked the blinded sheep right towards Quack Quack, who was nonchalantly wiping off the singed feathers and skin from his face. Without missing a beat the duck extended a leg and kicked the sheep upwards and flying into the air. Mr. Cat took aim with his bazooka and singed the poor creature before it had a chance to baa.

“Bullseye!” Mr. Cat crowed triumphantly.

The three of them laughed happily in unison, the sheep stumbling away and baaing disgruntledly at them. “Ready for another pass?” Stumpy asked, making a move to kick the other sheep.

_“STOP!”_ Kaeloo screamed at them.

Her three friends halted in surprise, staring at her dumbfounded (even Quack Quack looked taken aback, to an extent). An ultimatum from Kaeloo to cease whatever insane, destructive activity was nothing unexpected, of course, but the ultimatum was generally delivered with an angry tone, either before or after the inevitable transformation. But this time was different. Kaeloo looked and sounded as if she was on the verge of tears. Forlorn, despairing tears.

“Has this all been nothing but a complete waste of time?” she cried desperately. “I finally think I found a solution where I can actually work on being a better person and make sure you’re all happy too and _this_ is what you do when left to your own devices? Is this all just another joke to you? I know I play games all the time, but for once in my life I’m serious, but… but none of _you_ are! Do I have to abandon all my plans for the future because you can’t be responsible enough to take care of yourselves? Smileyland doesn’t need a _guardian_, it—it needs a _babysitter!”_

“Well, duh,” Stumpy said, rolling his eyes.

“A strict, no-nonsense babysitter,” Mr. Cat added, “who will show no mercy in doling out punishments. And I, for one, need a spanking.” He leered at Kaeloo with a perverted grin.

“Enough!” Kaeloo blubbered out, still not getting angry but instead just growing more distressed. She pressed her hands against her eyes and sobbed inelegantly, tears gushing out between her fingers.

“Oh…” Stumpy said, suddenly serious. “She really is upset.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Mr. Cat hissed at him. “You couldn’t tell that to begin with?”

“You couldn’t either!” Stumpy whispered back. “All you did was crack a joke!”

“I was trying to lighten the mood, nutcracker!”

“Well, it didn’t work!”

_“Thank you,_ Captain Obvious…”

“Look, now that the two of you have finally hooked up, you’ve got to be the one to comfort her. That’s the rule!”

Mr. Cat winced guiltily. “Yeah, but I’m shit at that.” His eyes narrowed at Stumpy again. “Besides, she was clearly getting upset before I even got here. You started it! _You_ go cheer her up!”

“Quack.”

Quack Quack had, during Stumpy and Mr. Cat’s argument, stepped forward towards the still bawling Kaeloo and extended a wing towards her, completely silencing his other two friends. What shocked them to silence, however, was not his actions, but what he had said to her. It was a simple and understated “I accept your offer”.

Kaeloo finally looked back up from her palms, wiping the still-flowing tears from her eyes. “Do… do you really mean that, Quack Quack?”

Quack Quack nodded.

Mr. Cat blinked. “Okay, I’m lost here. Accept _what_ offer?”

Kaeloo shakily reached to the ground where she’d dropped the miniature book and, reverently, held it out to Quack Quack. “If you really mean it, then… this is yours.”

Quack Quack took it from her without hesitation.

Kaeloo turned towards Stumpy and Mr. Cat, wiping the last of her tears and almost smiling. “Friends… I present to you the new guardian of Smileyland.”

“Cool!” Stumpy exclaimed.

“I don’t think he’s qualified enough,” Mr. Cat remarked dryly.

“It was either going to be him or me!” Stumpy piped up.

Mr. Cat’s eyes grew wide. “Oh, well in that case, a perfect choice! Congratulations, duck-face!”

“Now then, Stumpy, when I’m gone,” Kaeloo said sternly, “you will give Quack Quack all the respect and compliance that his title deserves. Listen to him as you listen to me!”

“So, not at all?” Stumpy clarified.

“Okay, listen to him _more_ than you listen to me!”

“Quack,” Quack Quack said with an amiable shrug, apparently not particularly caring if Stumpy listened to him or not.

“And what about Mr. Cat?” Stumpy demanded. “Does he have to listen to him too?”

“It’s a moot point,” Kaeloo said, “because Mr. Cat will be going with me.” She looked at him with a bit of worry. “You… _are_ coming with me, right?”

Mr. Cat rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Is today ‘Ask Stupid Questions Day’? Of _course_ I’m coming with you! You can’t get rid of me that easily, babe.” He smiled at her in a way that was both snarky and affectionate.

“But wait,” Stumpy said with sudden concern. “If you leave, Kaeloo, then who’s going to come up with the games?”

“You are! And Quack Quack! And Pretty, Eugly, and Olaf.” Kaeloo grinned. “All of you will!”

_“Coooool!”_ Stumpy proclaimed again, hopping from one foot to the other in excitement. “Can I pick one right now? We could have a race!”

“Quack!” Quack Quack said approvingly.

“I’d win,” snorted Mr. Cat.

“It needs a gimmick, otherwise it’ll be boring… OH HEY! I KNOW!” Stumpy jumped back up on the couch, dug between the cushions for a bit, and finally pulled out a very long sock.

His friends all stared at him.

“Uh… don’t ask what this is doing here…” Clamoring off the couch to avoid any further questions, Stumpy quickly used it tie his and Quack Quack’s legs together. “WE CAN HAVE A THREE-LEGGED RACE!” he shouted enthusiastically.

“Oh, this will be priceless,” Mr. Cat said, chuckling at the sight of both of them attached at the leg.

“No, no, no,” Kaeloo protested. “Not that it isn’t a good idea, because it is, but I don’t have anything to tie with and even if you do have another sock in there, I’d really rather not touch it, if that’s alright with you—”

_“Hello?”_ Stumpy snapped at her. “Your _scarf?!”_

“My—oh!” Kaeloo blushed and clutched at the fringe anxiously. “Well, yes, but I can’t be taking it off, because… because…”

A little voice inside of her berated her for being incredibly stupid and Kaeloo found that she agreed with it.

And so, abruptly, she suddenly gave a light shrug. “Oh, whatever, you all know what’s under it anyway.” And without any shame, she pulled it off.

Stumpy and Quack Quack pressed their hands to their mouths, once again overcome with immature giggles. Mr. Cat, on the other hand, just smirked slyly and proudly. “Yeah, I did that.”

Kaeloo chose to ignore all of them. “Come on, Mr. Cat!” She hopped next to him and swiftly tied their legs together with a tight bow.

“Mm, not too tight, baby,” he said to her with a lustful growl, “or you’re going to give me ideas.”

Kaeloo’s felt the telltale blush light up her cheeks again. “Do people… tie each other up when they…”

“Guess I’ll have to show you, huh?”

“Hey, knock it off!” Stumpy shouted irritably at them. “You can flirt later! Right now we have a race to run!” He eagerly stepped forward… without telling Quack Quack. Both of them fell over, face-first, with a thud.

Mr. Cat laughed uproariously at that. “You klutzes, you’ll lose for sure!” He instinctively moved a foot forward while still laughing to better point at them… without telling Kaeloo. And now it was their turn to tumble facedown to the ground, Kaeloo shrieking in surprise and indignation as they fell.

There was a moment of silence.

“Let’s try this again…” Stumpy finally squeaked out.


	10. One without the Other

Late that evening, in the warmth and comfort of her lilyapd home, Kaeloo sat cross-legged on the floor, biting her tongue in fierce concentration as she poured over her various spreadsheets, planners, and to-do lists.

After the amount of three-legged races, and sack races, and “balance an egg in a spoon in your mouth” races, and just plain _race_ races, that she and her friends had run that day, one might think that she would have been left too fatigued to work on her plans for the future, but quite the contrary—the games had left her feeling energized and full of hope for the future, and she fully intended to take advantage of this sharp mental focus she had been gifted for the evening.

“What do you think about green and cerulean for our wedding colors, Mr. Cat?” she piped up, the pencil in her hand still flying furiously across her notebook.

Mr. Cat was seated on her couch, channel flipping on the TV that Kaeloo very rarely even used. He didn’t even look at her when he answered. “I don’t care. Pick whatever you want.”

Kaeloo peered up from her notebook. “It’s not just _my_ wedding, Mr. Cat. I want you to have some input, too.”

“And my input is that I really don’t care. Whatever you want to do, I’ll be happy with it.” He paused thoughtfully. “With one exception. No Pachelbel’s Canon. That’s so trite and overdone.”

Kaeloo frowned slightly, glancing down at the music list she’d already started. Pachelbel’s Canon was at the top of her list. Then again, if this really was the only veto Mr. Cat was going to issue, she wasn’t going to fight it. She picked up her pencil again and quickly crossed it off the list.

“Put that stuff away for the night, babe,” Mr. Cat beseeched. “Come up here with me and we can cuddle and watch some trashy TV together.”

“I really need to get a lot of work done tonight, Mr. Cat,” Kaeloo countered.

“And you’ve done enough for one day. It’s not like we’re on a time crunch.” Mr. Cat paused at this, then added awkwardly, “Unless you’re still worried about being pregnant…”

Kaeloo sighed, accepting the fact that she had reached the point where she was unable to do any more work for the night. “It’s _possible_, but not probable. Not with the way my body’s always shifting and changing…”

“Are you saying you probably can’t even get pregnant at all? Your body just keeps getting better and better,” Mr. Cat said approvingly.

This did not raise Kaeloo’s spirits. She simply tucked her notes and planners inside her messenger bag forlornly.

“Hey, look,” Mr. Cat said, setting the remote down. “I found the perfect show to help with your wedding research.”

Now that all of her supplies were packed away, Kaeloo hung her bag from the hook on the wall near the door and moved over towards the couch curiously. Whatever show Mr. Cat had stopped upon was just coming back from a commercial break. “Up next on_ The Road to the Altar,_ Kristina’s best friends and bridesmaids commit a major faux pas! How will she react?”

“Oh, this show is such trash!” Kaeloo remarked disdainfully.

“It’s the perfect trash!” Mr. Cat answered with a grin. And indeed, despite her statement, Kaeloo was seated on the couch to watch the second-hand embarrassment unfold in two seconds flat.

The show, predictably, launched right into a high-strung bride-to-be who was completely obsessed with all the details of her “grand, fairytale” wedding that she was dead set on having, and how her demands were slowly pushing her bridesmaids and maid of honor away. Not that they were much better; they were all gossipy and drama queens themselves, badmouthing the bride during their individual interviews.

“Her fashion sense?” the maid of honor said in one interview. _“Horrible._ Absolutely _horrible_. It’s like she goes completely blind whenever she steps into a changing room.”

Cut to the bride trying on an elaborate wedding dress, one with enough frills and truffles that it almost looked like she was a walking cake.

“Ooh, but that dress is pretty!” Kaeloo exclaimed.

“Pretty?” Mr. Cat spluttered. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she was hiding a dozen birds’ nests in there!”

Another cut to the bride trying on another dress, a sleeveless dress with a very plunging neckline. The awkwardness was only amplified when her friends gave their opinion on it:

“It seems a little tight, Kristina,” said one bridesmaid.

“It’s not tight at all!” Kristina protested. “It feels fine!”

“Yes, but with your emotional eating, you’re going to gain a few pounds between now and the wedding,” a second bridesmaid pointed out. “Is it made out of elastic?”

Cut to Kristina fuming, then shrieking plenty of bleeped out obscenities before storming out of the dressing room, still wearing the dress.

And then another cut to the first bridesmaid, simply quipping, “Any dress she has is going to need elastic because she’s bound to transform into Bridezilla the moment something doesn’t go as planned!”

Kaeloo’s eyes grew wide. This felt almost like a personal attack against her.

“Do they actually make wedding dresses with elastic like that?” Mr. Cat mused, taking no notice of his fiancée’s despair. “We should look into that for you…” He turned towards her, his eyes dark with desire.

Kaeloo stared at her fingers, gulping, the continued jokes about “Bridezilla” and the monster Kristina would surely transform into bombarding her without mercy, as if mocking her.

“Although the thought of you ripping out of your wedding dress is really fucking hot, too,” Mr. Cat purred lowly, sliding up next to her. Kaeloo was unable to stop herself from directing her gaze from her fingers to him.

“Why don’t we turn these losers off?” he asked her, one hand deftly moving towards the remote and turning the television off without even breaking his gaze from her.

“Um,” Kaeloo started, the sudden lack of noise from the TV jarring. She wasn’t able to finish whatever unformed thought was trying to escape her lips, for Mr. Cat pulled her towards him and kissed her before she could even figure out what to say next.

Despite all the doubt and shame flooding through her brain at that moment, she couldn’t deny how good he felt. She was giddily in love and that seemed to override any other negative feelings, for now.

“I want to see that glorious toad at our wedding,” Mr. Cat murmured against her lips. “Whether or not you want the dress to actually expand with you is up to you.”

All the “giddily in love” emotions in the world couldn’t protect Kaeloo from the sudden slam of despair that rocked her.

It wasn’t outwardly apparent, and Mr. Cat continued to kiss her, snaking one hand down between her thighs. Kaeloo finally pushed him away. “No,” she insisted.

“’No’?” Through his surprise, Mr. Cat looked almost insulted.

Kaeloo flushed in shame, although still pointedly holding his paws away from her. “I just… once a day is quite enough for now,” she finally finished weakly.

“That’s like saying that you only want to _eat_ once a day,” Mr. Cat complained. However, he still pulled his arms away from her.

Kaeloo groaned unhappily, both with the cessation of his physical touch, and the crashing of an unpleasant question into her mind. She pulled at her eyes hopelessly. How could things change from good to bad so quickly, she wondered? How could her emotions be such an unpredictable roller coaster? Trying to keep up with herself was positively exhausting, and she was tired of it.

There was silence for a few moments, a silence that Kaeloo hardly noticed as she rubbed at her eyes. The silence was highlighted the instant it was broken, however, when Mr. Cat asked her tentatively, “Is something wrong? Did… did I do something…?”

Kaeloo pulled her hands away from her eyes to look up at Mr. Cat. “Nothing’s wrong,” she lied. His expression showed her that he didn’t believe her for a second. “Well… it’s just…” Kaeloo stammered.

“It’s just what?”

Kaeloo inwardly struggled for a few moments with whether or not to tell him before finally giving up and just letting everything spill out, only figuring out how to put her concern into words as the words themselves formed. “I’m just… I’m just afraid that you’re just tolerating me, just putting up with me, because you only really want… the _other_ one.” Kaeloo’s face fell ashamedly. “And that you’re only really here because of… _her_, and that I’m just… an obstacle in the way to her, that you’re willing to tolerate, even though it’s not _me_ that you want.” She looked back at him, embarrassed. “Did I phrase that right? Did that… make sense?”

“What—but—” Mr. Cat looked genuinely surprised by this. “What’s this ‘other one’ stuff?”

Kaeloo’s lips thinned. “You know exactly what I mean, Mr. Cat…”

“Well yes, and no. They’re both you. They’re both the parts that make up the sum total of you. I wouldn’t have one without the other,” he told her, sincerely. Very sincerely. After all the deliberate messing with her that he’d done throughout the past two years, Kaeloo found that in this instant she absolutely believed him.

And this did not make her feel better at all.

“Oh,” was all she could say in response.

“Listen, if all I wanted was the toad, I’d be spending every waking moment of the day just trying to piss you off. And that’s obviously not true. I only spend about _half_ of the day trying to piss you off.” Mr. Cat cracked a grin at her. Kaeloo only barely twitched up one corner of her mouth in response.

“Yes… thank you,” she said distractedly. “I… I think I’m going to take another swim, just to… clear my mind. It’s been a long day…”

“Oh… alright.” Mr. Cat’s smile faded. “Well, definitely count me out of that, I never want to be in that pond again.”

“Yeah…” Kaeloo stood up. “I might be awhile. Feel free to sleep in my bed if you get tired.” Seeing the look on his face, she gulped guiltily. “I’m sorry, I just really need some time to sort out my feelings. I’ll try to not be too long, but if I am… goodnight.” She leaned over and gently kissed him on the lips. Because, despite everything, she still loved him. And this was what condemned her.

She exited her abode, her heart unbearably heavy.

“Goodnight,” Mr. Cat murmured after her as she left.

…

The pond, awash with pale moonlight, served as a silent witness to Kaeloo’s inner turmoil, unquestionably accepting her as she cut through its silver waters, again and again and again.

She was unsure of how long she had been swimming, letting the water overtake her. However long it had actually been, it still wasn’t long enough to purge the confusion and woe from her thoughts.

She had never felt so torn in her life.

And, as usual, her anguish came from that horrible toad.

She had initially tried to leave Smileyland to keep her friends safe from the toad. She had gone through countless therapists and psychologists, both in Samesville and in the newly-discovered place she’d found, just yesterday—although it was late enough it might now be two days ago. Kaeloo groaned, the sound manifesting underwater like a ripple of hopelessness. A whole week could pass and she would be no closer to reconciling the two overwhelming desires that found themselves at a standoff.

She wanted to get rid of that toad. She didn’t want to lose control of her body ever again. That much had always been certain.

But… she didn’t want to lose Mr. Cat, either. And he had made it very clear to her that he “wouldn’t have one without the other”. This was meant to be encouraging, of course, in response to her fear that he only wanted her bad side. And yes, on the one hand, it was, as it meant that he wouldn’t have the bad side without the good. But… he wouldn’t have the good without the bad, either.

Giving up her dark side, the part of herself that she hated and loathed and wanted nothing more to be rid of forever, meant that she would be giving up Mr. Cat as well.

And now, of course, knowing exactly how she felt about him, it made the disparity between the two desires that much more poignant.

Kaeloo emerged from the water and flopped on her back on the shore, gazing up at the night sky and sighing helplessly.

If she didn’t love him, or at the very least wasn’t _aware_ that she loved him, the choice would have been simple. She winced. Well, not _simple_… but ultimately, she would have chosen to give up both. There was no real question there. But now it was nothing _but_ question. Her eyes grew wide with a sudden pang of guilt. There was another factor to consider. She knew now that Mr. Cat loved her too, of course. So what would it do to him if she announced that she’d be rejecting him in order to remain true to herself?

_Like I know who my true self even is anymore,_ she thought bitterly to herself, lying over on her side. The cool night breeze nipped at her accusingly.

A different yet equally bitter thought ran through her, chastising her even more. _You’re in love with him, he’s in love with you… why are you making this so difficult on yourself? Just learn to live with it! You’ll probably never get rid of the toad anyway, you’ve been trying for years… You really think ANYTHING’S going to work?_

A sob wracked her breathing, and Kaeloo curled up into a fetal position, her eyes squeezing tight with tears.

“Learn to live” with a version of herself that frightened her, caused her physical pain each and every time she erupted out of her, and brought her untold mental anguish thanks to her violent rampages against her loved ones?

The wind picked up, brushing the long reeds and pond grass against her frail body. One leg twitched up at the sensation. The breeze didn’t let up, the grass still tracing chaotic patterns against her.

One of them poked between her legs for an instant, and Kaeloo opened her eyes, surprised.

Carefully, she reached a finger down there, moving from her belly southward, finding no male organ obstructing her path before her finger slid into her vulva. She groaned. What an insane few days it had been. Her changing sexual organs had always been erratic, of course, but she couldn’t recall a time before now that she’d switched between the two (and both together) as quickly as she had throughout these last few days_. Emotional turmoil makes my body change more, and I guess sexual turmoil makes my “equipment” change more,_ she mused to herself. The thought just made her more disheartened; she really wasn’t in the mood for any more personal revelations at the moment.

The irony, of course, was that this particular sexual presentation was the one that felt “right” to her, and yet she could take no pleasure in it. Why couldn’t she have been this way when they’d had sex? Why did her penis have to show up both times, confusing her even more because those were now the only two times in her life that she’d actually, at least to some extent, _liked_ having it? She _really_ didn’t know her true self anymore. If only they’d been able to have sex without her male organ getting in the way—true, she wouldn’t have known how good stimulating it made her feel, but on the other hand, she would have had one less thing confusing her.

Her finger, which hadn’t moved away, twitched involuntarily against her folds, and Kaeloo drew in her breath sharply.

If only. _If only?_

What was stopping her now?

She stood up resolutely, ignoring the more orderly side of her personality screaming at her that this was forward and hedonistic and _we don’t do this._ And she continued making her way back inside, curtly reminding that part of her that, _oh yeah, and we don’t beat up our friends and run away from them and enjoy sticking our cock in things either—OH WAIT YES WE DO._

That silenced her inner arguing for awhile.

She tiptoed through the darkened room carefully, gingerly pushing aside the curtain that separated her bed from the rest of the main living space. This could very well end up in disappointment, she reminded herself, as her eyes were still attempting to adjust to the pitch-back of her house and was unable to tell if Mr. Cat had even bothered to stay or not—although she doubted he’d leave at this point in the game. Right?

She crawled onto her bed just as her eyes finally allowed her a limited amount of sight, and thus both felt and saw him in her bed, and her heart melted.

His sleeping form looked quite similar to how she’d encountered it before—curled up and clutching a pillow in his arms. It was hard to tell in the dark, but Kaeloo was fairly certain that was her favorite pillow. Not that she minded, of course.

Right now, the only thing about this situation that she minded was that it was _her_, rather than the pillow, that she wanted him to be holding.

She attempted to carefully roll him over on his back to the best of her ability, pulling the pillow from his arms in the process. He made a sleepy noise of protest, and she slid her arms up his torso, climbing on top of him and stroking both sides of his face… carefully, awkwardly, yet tenderly. She still wasn’t quite sure of what she was doing, but she’d be damned if she’d let that stop her.

“Mmm,” Mr. Cat murmured, still seeming to be asleep, “you don’t have to tease me like that, my love, I just wanted… to…” His eyes slowly fluttered open. “I’m… not dreaming?” he asked her groggily.

Kaeloo flushed in the dark. “No,” she said simply, leaning down and kissing him. He initially was immobile with what seemed to be still-waking-up confusion, but after a second or two he kissed her back, although softly, letting her call the time.

She pulled away from him, their eyes lighting the night with longing. “I want you,” she blurted out. “Now. I want to make love. There… _is_ a difference, right? Between that and what we did before…?”

Mr. Cat looked slightly confused again, although his arms had already wrapped around her back. “What happened to ‘once a day is enough’?”

Kaeloo gulped with a twinge of shame, although she moved in closer once more, stroking the side of his mouth with the lightest wisps of her fingertips. “It’s after midnight,” she murmured.

A small, genuine, affectionate smile tugged at Mr. Cat’s lips, and he brought one hand up to cradle the back of her head.

“Then let’s find out if there’s a difference, shall we?”

…

Upon awaking the next morning, Kaeloo again let herself remain in bed for a few moments longer than she normally would. Waking up next to Mr. Cat and having him be the first thing she saw was perhaps the most amazing feeling in the world. Today the feeling didn’t distract her from what she needed to do, however, and wanting to both get started on the big day ahead of her and also enjoy this moment, she snuggled a little closer towards him, brushing a hand under his chin with a soft yet strong motion. “Mr. Cat,” she said with a smile, nuzzling her face into his. “Mr. Cat, it’s time to wake up.”

“No it’s not,” he mumbled, half-asleep, turning his face to the other side.

“Yes it is!” Kaeloo countered, still smiling. She pressed her mouth against the side of his, letting her words tease and tickle him awake. “The sun is up!”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Mr. Cat mumbled, although no longer trying to turn away from her. He groggily raised a hand to try to bat her away, but instead merely rumpled one of his own whiskers. His eyes finally opened, with an expression suggesting that he wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed or pleased.

Kaeloo just giggled at that. “Hello, handsome,” she said, one hand gently straightening out his bent whisker.

This definitely tipped the scales of Mr. Cat’s countenance to “pleased”. “Good morning, beautiful,” he responded with a smile of his own, grasping her hand in his.

Kaeloo blushed deeply at this, smiling even more. “Starting with the flattery early today, eh, Mr. Cat?”

“You started it, babe.” One corner of his mouth twitched as his smile shrunk a bit. “Besides, the real question is why we’re starting the _day_ so early. Why are we awake?”

“The sun’s up,” Kaeloo countered. “Why _wouldn’t_ we be awake? It’s morning!”

“Ugh. Let me sleep until noon.” Mr. Cat tried to turn away again.

“Nope!” Kaeloo quipped cheerfully, crawling back on top of him and placing her hands on the sides of his face, kissing him lightly, yet long enough to linger a bit.

“Not fair,” Mr. Cat groaned. With a devious smirk, he wrapped one arm around her back with the other cradling the back of her head, pulling her even closer towards him. “If you’re going to insist on us being awake now, let’s make it count.” He kissed her deeply, holding her tightly against him (not that Kaeloo was trying to get away in any way whatsoever, so it was a rather moot gesture). “I want to make love again,” he said in a low voice into her mouth.

Kaeloo shivered, his spoken desire one that was most definitely shared by her. Still, though, she managed to firmly place a hand on his shoulder and pull her mouth away from his by an inch or so. “I do too, honey,” she assured him, “but not right now. There’s a lot we have to do today! There’s no time to waste!”

“The only thing on my list of things to do is _you,”_ Mr. Cat responded, yanking her back down for another kiss.

Kaeloo moaned a little bit into his mouth, already growing a bit turned on. It was going to be very difficult to get things done if Mr. Cat kept insisting on behaving like this. Of course, she wasn’t doing anything to stop him, because oh goodness did she like it…

But then, after another second, she pushed herself away from him again, with a farther distance this time. “Alright, Mr. Cat, enough of that. I won’t let you distract me this way.” After a pause, she added abashedly, “Not right now, anyway…”

“Turnabout is fair play, my dear,” Mr. Cat responded with a smirk, “after all those times you’ve distracted me.”

“Well, Mr. Cat,” Kaeloo said crisply, “you can distract me all you want after I’ve met with Dr. Clark. But I need to meet with her today, and check in on the apartment. And you should go there and get settled, too. That is… if you still want to leave Smileyland with me…”

Mr. Cat blinked. “What, now?”

“Well… soon. This morning, at least.”

There was another slight lull in the conversation while Mr. Cat pondered this. “Can I bring some stuff with me?” he finally asked her.

“Some, but not a lot. There’s not much space!”

“Don’t worry, babe, I was only thinking of the essentials. Bazooka, chainsaw, flamethrower…”

_“Mr. Cat!_ Those aren’t _essentials!”_

“I can’t think of any objects more essential than those,” Mr. Cat responded seriously.

Kaeloo sighed in resignation. “Fine, fine, pack whatever you want. Just make sure it’s not a lot. My apartment isn’t very big.”

“I’ll make it fit.” Mr. Cat smirked at Kaeloo once more before rolling off her bed. “Shit, it’s way too early to be up…”

“Mr. Cat!”

“Fine, fine…” He gave her a swift kiss as he finally straightened himself to a fully awake posture.

“Just meet me at the door to… whatever that place is called. You remember where it is, don’t you?”

“No worries, babe, I’ll be there.” He stroked her face one more time before sauntering out of the house.

Kaeloo gave a little sigh, rolling over to where he was and soaking in his body heat that still lingered. Getting him to wake up and rise at such an early hour (for him, at least) was enough of a feat in of itself; the fact that she had managed to get him up before even herself was nothing short of astounding.

Well, perhaps not completely astounding. The awful truth of the matter was that, despite her having gotten all her affairs in relative order the day before, Kaeloo still was reluctant to leave Smileyland.

_It’ll be okay, though,_ she tried to assure herself. _Mr. Cat will be with me this time._ And that thought made any trace of unease and doubt melt away. She smiled warmly, embracing the pillow that was still radiating with his warmth. In fact, it took her a few moments to remember the ultimatum that she had given Mr. Cat just moments before; that there was no time to waste, they had to get moving. She had to check in with her psychiatrist, not only to work on being better able to regulate her uncontrollable shifting body into something at least halfway manageable, but also to provide proof to the housing committee that she was attending sessions so that she would be able to keep that apartment of hers.

She chuckled into the pillow, despite herself. It had only been two days since she’d moved in there, but after everything that had happened in Smileyland (and Samesville) since then, it felt like a lifetime. What did that apartment look like, again? It seemed so long ago that she’d almost forgotten.

And that was the biggest reason of them all to not waste any more time and get back there.

Taking a deep breath, Kaeloo roused herself as well, preparing herself to return to that scary world she’d encountered all alone—except she wouldn’t be alone this time.

That made all the difference.

…

Kaeloo sprinted towards the portal leading to her other life as fast as she could, having spent more time than she’d planned on telling Stumpy and Quack Quack their temporary farewells. This was mostly on her part, too—her two friends didn’t seem too worried about her forthcoming absence, confident in the knowledge both that they’d be alright without her and that she’d be returning at some point. No, it had been Kaeloo’s own sentimentality that had stalled her—the thought of leaving them, even if it wasn’t a permanent thing, caused her to cry blubbery tears of farewell as she hugged them tightly, and it took Stumpy shrieking at her to let go of them already _for the love of GOD_ four times before she finally remembered her overarching objective and refocused back on her journey. Part of her wanted to say farewell to her other friends as well, but Olaf was always so weird and anti-social that she thought better of it… and after Pretty’s reaction to her, um, “baseball game” with Mr. Cat yesterday, she decided that she would rather give the rabbit plenty of space for the time being. Eugly was an unfortunate omission that Kaeloo had to make with all that in mind; wherever she was, Pretty was usually nearby as well. She’d just have to trust that Stumpy and Quack Quack would tell her where she (and Mr. Cat) had gone, and why.

So after a quick stop back at her house for her scarf and a few other scant belongings, she raced towards the portal door with ungraceful haste, tripping and nearly falling over her feet. Mr. Cat, waiting at the door, raised an eyebrow at her. “What took you?”

“I hate long goodbyes,” Kaeloo tried to explain, “but they happen anyway…”

“I can’t leave you alone for even two minutes, can I, froggy?” Mr. Cat said, although a smile accompanied these words. He swung open the door leading back to Kaeloo’s responsible world.

Kaeloo hesitated, breathing heavily, finding that once again she was overcome with trepidation at entering the still unfamiliar realm. But this time, her trepidation had a different catalyst.

“Mr. Cat,” she finally stammered out, “you… you don’t have to do this, you know.”

Mr. Cat blinked in confusion. “No, I don’t know. What are you talking about?”

“It’s just that… going here is for _me_. It’s all for _my_ benefit. And of course I want you with me, don’t get me wrong, but at the same time I just feel so overcome with guilt at the thought of making you leave your home just for… this.” She motioned at herself, sighing sadly. “Just for some attempt for me to feel better about myself that I still don’t know is going to even work or not.”

Mr. Cat continued to stare at her in confusion for a second or so before his face softened, and he took a step forward and touched Kaeloo’s hand comfortingly.

“Stop blaming yourself for literally everything that happens to me, especially stuff that isn’t even true like you think it is. Because this?” He motioned an arm away from the door with a grand, sweeping motion, seeming to try to encompass all of Smileyland. “This isn’t home. _You_ are.”

Kaeloo broke into a relieved, heartened smile, tears springing to her eyes. “Oh, Mr. Cat,” she sniffled, “that’s beautiful…”

“I don’t know about that. It is true, though.” He grasped her other hand as well. “I’ll follow you anywhere.”

Kaeloo sniffled happily again, leaning forward and touching her forehead against his. “Mr. Cat? Do you remember right after you first arrived in Smileyland, when we looked at all those doors together?”

“Of course I do.”

“And we said we’d explore together?”

Mr. Cat grinned at her. “Are you finally following through on that?”

“It’s just one for now… but yes, I’m ready to explore the universe with you.”

“Well then…” Mr. Cat kissed Kaeloo quickly before letting go of her hands and motioning towards the open door. “What are we waiting for?”

Kaeloo took a deep breath, although her smile didn’t leave her face. “Absolutely nothing. Let’s go!”


	11. Delayed Groceries and Neglected Ears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty much all just pointless smut lol. Don't say I didn't warn you ;) Plot (such that there is) and character development picks up hard and fast next chapter.

Kaeloo was now over an hour into her session with Dr. Clark, and she still wasn’t slowing down her account of the past few days one iota. She was nothing if not an involved storyteller—she acted out all the parts, jumping around the room, motioning grandly with her hands. Dr. Clark, for her part, sat at her desk listening intently and giving the occasional appropriate response to bits of Kaeloo’s story, but otherwise letting her say her piece.

“And when we finally went through the door together and back to—this place—say, what is this place called, anyway?”

Dr. Clark looked up at her with a bit of surprise. “This town? You’re in New Cross City.”

“Oh.” Kaeloo chuckled lightly to herself. There was one mystery that was finally solved. Although, yes, she probably should have solved it some time before _now_… “Anyway, the first time I first came to New Cross City I was terrified and didn’t know which way to go or even what I was supposed to be doing at all. I nearly turned back, I was so scared! But this time, with Mr. Cat with me, it was like night and day! I wasn’t scared of anything. He’s so smart, he seemed to know exactly where to go, even though _I’m_ the one who’s been here before, not _him_… and even if he didn’t know, well, we’d figure something out together, right?” She sighed happily to herself, finally sitting back down in her chair. “I really love him,” she admitted, realizing belatedly that this was the first time she’d acknowledged it out loud.

“Ah yes, first love… it’s quite a rush, isn’t it?” Dr. Clark said knowingly.

“He’s not my first… not technically, anyway.” Kaeloo’s smile crashed in an instant. “But I don’t want to think about that right now.”

“Well, Kaeloo, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot in the two days since I’ve seen you last!” Dr. Clark remarked.

Kaeloo forced out a chuckle at that, trying to push the bad memories away. _That_ was the understatement of the century. “It’s so strange that that was just two days ago! So much has happened since—“ She stopped suddenly and gave Dr. Clark a wary, suspicious look. “You’re not going to turn into my father and say that I’m making a mistake and doing everything too quickly, are you?”

“Not at all,” Dr. Clark assured her. “It’s your life and your choices to make, and no one knows you or your situation better than you. I’m just here to help you with your mental state and get those emotions of yours to a state where you feel they’re manageable. On that note, are you ready to try the Psyche ViewMaster again?”

Kaeloo gulped nervously, but quickly nodded. “Sure, fire away!”

Dr. Clark switched off the lights and drew the blinds, and Kaeloo pulled at her fingers nervously, although deliberately making herself smile again. This still had the potential to be horrifically embarrassing, just like it had been the last time, but on the other hand, Kaeloo felt so different from then that she figured that there would be at least some noticeable change in how her little personas presented themselves. She wasn’t deluded enough to think that anger or fear had disappeared, but at the very least they had to be at least a little more balanced this time, right? It seemed like these past few days had been practically equal parts anger, fear, lust, order, and cheer.

The light now sufficiently darkened, Dr. Clark held the device to Kaeloo’s forehead. Kaeloo gulped once more before sitting up a bit straighter. “Alright, you can all just come out at once!” she commanded her inner workings.

The five of them all piled out into view. Kaeloo gasped loudly. “Oh goodness, lust is huge! It’s bigger than anger now!” Lust winked at her with that observation, while anger looked very peeved to now be smack dab in the middle, size wise.

“Fear’s shrunk a bit, too,” Dr. Clark commented. “It’s still the largest, but not to an overwhelming extent. And orderliness and cheerfulness are a bit bigger and holding their own now.” She grinned at Kaeloo. “This is fantastic progress for just two days.”

Kaeloo sighed in disappointment. “Anger didn’t shrink at all, though.”

“No, but the rest of you is learning to accommodate for it. Notice order and cheer? They’re actually acknowledging your anger and lust now.”

“Learning to accommodate?” Kaeloo repeated, surprised. How was it that she was apparently starting to do the thing she fully believed that she couldn’t? A small pang of defeat rippled through her, now nearly completely certain that she’d probably never excise this hated part of her, but if she could, honestly and truly, learn to live with it… then there was nothing to feel defeated about, right? “Dr. Clark? I think… I think I’m finally starting to learn that I’ll never be able to get rid of my anger, but if I really am finally learning to accommodate for it after all these years, does that mean… that I’ll be able to control it some day?”

“I suspect that you’re already controlling it to a stronger degree than you did when first arriving. With fear backing down and your more positive personality traits moving forward to acknowledge it, you’re moving closer to harmony. And the closer you get to harmony, the easier all of your emotions will be to handle.” Dr. Clark pulled the device away from Kaeloo and got up to open the blinds once more. “Very good, very good!”

Kaeloo cracked a small, unsure smile of her own. That hadn’t been quite what she was wanting to see, but it was still an improvement. Baby steps and all. After all, it _had_ only been two days.

“How’s the apartment working out for you? And your food allowance, is it sufficient?”

“Uh… well, I’ve barely been here since I got them, so I can’t really say,” Kaeloo admitted, abashed.

“Well, remember you’re always welcome to speak to the housing agent or me if you have any issues with those.” Dr. Clark finished typing something on her tablet and swiftly pressed a button, bringing the printer behind her to life. “Since you’ve shown so much improvement already, I’m printing a referral for your job training. They’ll work with you and help get you placed in entry-level, part-time work. Just to get your foot in the door. I think you’re ready.” She smiled at her, signing the printout and handing it to her.

Kaeloo’s eyes grew wide, and so did her smile. “Oh, yippee! Thank you, doctor! Thank you _so much!”_

“I’ll see you in a week, then. Keep making strides!”

“I will! I will! Thank you again!” Kaeloo had to stop herself from hugging the doctor, instead hugging the printout close to her body and squeaking with joy before practically skipping out of the office.

Yes, this second entry into New Cross City was going a thousand times better than the first!

…

Kaeloo’s joy was so great that she was still almost skipping even by the time she’d reached her apartment. Her sense of elation wasn’t such that it was blotting out all other thoughts, however; the apartment had no food and the absolute next order of business was to go use her food card to buy some groceries. And then she just giggled even more with delight; she and Mr. Cat were going to go grocery shopping together! What else could so fully cement their joined living status than that? It felt so firmly like playing grown-ups that she had to remind herself that they weren’t playing this time, this was _real_… and she squeaked with glee once more at that thought.

She flung open her apartment door with overwhelming zest. “I have fantastic news, Mr. Cat!” she announced.

Mr. Cat was situated on the loveseat near the window, a New Cross City newspaper covering his face—most of his body, in fact, as he was lounging on his back while reading. Kaeloo’s entry caused him to lower the paper, giving a small smile at seeing her. “Hi,” he said simply, in a low voice.

“Hi,” Kaeloo answered automatically. Then she launched right back into her happy announcement. “Dr. Clark signed off on allowing for me to start job training! My emotional state still isn’t perfect, but it’s more balanced than it was before and she thinks I’m ready to start at least an entry-level job!”

Mr. Cat’s smile didn’t leave his face. “Congratulations.” He stood up, setting the paper down on the loveseat.

“Thank you!” Kaeloo embraced the document authorizing her to start job training tightly and happily against her chest. “Now I can start to earn a living and start working towards being a true independent adult! I can’t believe how far I’ve gone already! Everything is going so—“

She didn’t get any further in her sentence, for as she had been speaking, Mr. Cat ambled his way towards her, and upon reaching her suddenly wrapped an arm around her torso and pressed her against the wall with his own body. Kaeloo let out a small, aroused squeak of surprise. “Can I distract you now?” Mr. Cat asked her sensually, his mouth hovering near the corner of hers.

“A-a-ah…” Kaeloo croaked out, unable to say anything else.

“I’d say your good news deserves a little… celebration.” He slowly and deliberately kissed the corner of her mouth. “And it looks like that bed of yours needs to be broken in.”

Kaeloo very pointedly looked away from him, although one hand was still possessively clutching his back. “Mr. Cat, there’s still things we have to do today… We need food, there’s none in the apartment…”

“And this could be a good appetizer.” Mr. Cat placed one hand on Kaeloo’s face and gently turned her to look at him, Kaeloo needing little guidance to do so. “Work up our appetites.”

Kaeloo snorted lightly, although her grip on him didn’t slacken in the slightest. “Mr. Cat, did you even hear a word I said when I came in here?”

“Of course.” He planted a languid kiss on her lips, and suddenly she wasn’t sure if _she_ was hearing a word _he_ was saying. “You’ve been given approval to enter the rat race of the overworked populace.”

“That’s not what it means—it means that Dr. Clark thinks I’m mentally stable enough to hold down a job now!”

“A dubious honor, don’t you think?” He kissed her again, and she could say nothing in disagreement (or agreement, for that matter). “But seriously,” he said, his voice still low and sensual, but now pulling his face away from her to let her see the genuine esteem in his eyes, “I am proud of you, babe.” The hand that wasn’t on her face slid down her body and squeezed her ass fondly. “Let me show you how much. Let me make you feel as good as you deserve.”

Kaeloo moaned softly, the proposal absolutely too enticing for her to refute. The printout still clutched in one hand fluttered to the ground as she brought her other hand to his face. She held his gaze firmly locked with his. “We’re going grocery shopping right after this.”

Mr. Cat let out a sharp exhale that sounded like the start of a laugh. “Oh baby, you know the sexiest things to say,” he muttered, rolling his eyes lightly at her.

“Don’t you _want_ to eat?” Kaeloo countered.

“Right now, I’m only hungry for _you.”_ He kissed her once more, rougher this time, before grasping her shoulders and turning her around, away from the wall. One hand moved towards the scarf still on her neck as he guided her across the room. “Do you still want me to show you some… knot work?”

Kaeloo’s face engulfed into a fierce blush. Part of her hated how well he could make her face ignite into flames like this… both flames of anger and flames of desire. “Yes,” she admitted.

Mr. Cat carefully pulled the scarf from her neck, Kaeloo’s shoulders instinctively moving to start to try to cover up the hickey that was still visible for a fraction of a second before her logic reminded herself how moot of a point that was at the moment. With a surprising amount of care, Mr. Cat pulled Kaeloo’s wrists together in front of her and tied them together with the scarf, pulling the knot snuggly against her arms. Kaeloo let out a small gasp at the sensation. “That’s so tight,” she blurted out.

“That’s the point.” Having led her to the bed and rendered her slightly immobile, Mr. Cat wasted no time in pinning her to the mattress, turning her over on her front side and lifting her behind up in the air, her knees automatically shifting into place to hold her balance. Kaeloo’s bound hands dropped uselessly to the mattress underneath her body, her shoulders left on their own to support the upper half of her body.

“But—but I can’t kiss you like this!” she protested, craning her neck to the side to better look at him, as much as she could with the side of her face smushed against the mattress, at least.

“You can kiss me when we’re done,” Mr. Cat countered nonchalantly, clamoring behind her and positioning her raised posterior, rising it a bit further off the mattress.

“Not in my butt,” Kaeloo blurted out desperately. “If I have a… you know, a vagina… use that.”

Mr. Cat dutifully slid a finger between her legs, Kaeloo drawing in her breath from ecstasy as he slipped inside her. “You have one,” he said with a smirk.

“Good,” Kaeloo whimpered, vainly struggling to move her arms.

“And it’s very wet,” Mr. Cat continued tauntingly. “It’s just begging to be filled.” His finger teased her vulva and her clit mercilessly, Kaeloo gasping out at the sensation, her body hitching awkwardly from her mostly immobile position. “And I’m going to fill you. I’m going to fill you and make you scream. You’ll be begging for my cock, and I’ll—“

“Just stick it in me already!” Kaeloo pleaded.

Mr. Cat looked momentarily a bit taken aback by this brazen demand from her, despite the fact that such a demand was exactly what he had predicted mere seconds ago—perhaps it was how quickly she’d proven him right rather than the fact that she’d done so at all that came as a surprise. His shock only lasted for a second before he growled approvingly at her, leaning in closer and slinking the hand that had been between her legs back up to grab a firm hold of her butt. “Well, someone’s eager,” he purred at her.

“What about you?” Kaeloo demanded. “You’re the one who started this in the first place! All I wanted to do was go grocery shopping, but you—“

“I’m sorry, are you opposed to this turn of events?” he asked her slyly.

Kaeloo groaned longingly, a sense of aching desire shooting through her veins. “No, no, no, I’m not, I want you to do me, and I want it to be rough and hard and dirty! Now just get on with it already!”

“Alright then,” he said understatedly, pushing into her so suddenly and forcefully that she let out a yelp of shock at the sensation—and let a pleased grin envelop her face. “Now then,” he said, one hand snaking its way up and down her back while the other held a firm grasp on her ass, “tell me again how you want me to fuck you?”

“Stop saying bad words,” she whimpered, no bite or anger backing up her ultimatum.

“It’s… prudent,” he murmured, pulling out of her once before moving back in her, “to use as few words as possible, and when you said ‘rough and hard and dirty’, that pretty much means that you want me to _fuck_ you.” He pushed into her again, much more forceful this time, and she helplessly groaned into the mattress. “Unless you want to amend those descriptors?”

Kaeloo tried to control her breathing, her body awash with nothing but acute longing and desire for him to continue to have his way with her in the way he was best at. “No,” she gasped out in answer to his question. “B-be rough with me. Please. I feel so debased… and I like it.” Her eyes flicked up towards him, the side of her face still firmly pressed against the mattress. “Have your way with me. Do what you want. You feel so good.” She gasped, her fingers vainly grasping at nothing. “Show me how dirty this can be.”

To her surprise, Mr. Cat didn’t immediately acquiesce to this desire of hers, his only response to her request being a tightening of his grip on her shoulder. “I don’t think you know what you’re asking for,” he admitted.

“Then show me,” Kaeloo pleaded. “Just _show_ me. Don’t hold back. I want all of you. You can’t start this like you did and then refuse to follow through with it!” She narrowed her eyes at him, flexing her posterior as much as she could to try to get him to continue what he’d started.

She thought for a fraction of a second that she had him there, but then his eyes narrowed slyly at her, and she cursed her folly at thinking that she’d ever be able to outsmart him. Overpower him, _always_, but _he_ was the one who held the cards in the wit department. “And what will you do if I won’t?” he asked her, starting to fuck her again, but with a much slower, deliberate pace. The thrusts were still deep and hard, however, and Kaeloo moaned with pleasure into the mattress. “Will you transform?”

Panting, writhing, Kaeloo twisted her neck as far as she could to glare at him, although the fact that her mouth kept trying to break into a delirious grin with every thrust Mr. Cat gave her probably wasn’t selling the look she was attempting to convey. “I won’t give you the pleasure, Mr. Cat,” she answered defiantly.

“You’re _already_ giving me pleasure,” he replied, drawing up the hand on her ass and smacking it without warning, Kaeloo drawing in her breath sharply at the sensation. “The way your vag clamps around my cock like it does, like it’s terrified of letting go… aw _shit_ babe, you’re so tight and hot and wet and I can’t fucking help myself.” His pace grew faster as low, growled vocalizations of lust and pleasure began to accompany his thrusts, a good half of which contained swear words of obvious approval.

Kaeloo was nearly delirious with ecstasy herself. Before now she’d only had the slightest, vaguest inclination of how bondage could heighten the arousal—who would have thought that having limited mobility during sex could be so… _enticing_? She was already on the edge of orgasm, but unlike Mr. Cat, she very pointedly was focusing on keeping her volume level at an absolute minimum. Low groans vibrated against her throat, but nothing more.

Mr. Cat took notice of her relative silence. “Get _loud,”_ he growled at her. “Get loud, baby. Make some noise.” The hand that still held her hip steady drew it its claws, and this sharp, raking pierce did make Kaeloo yelp slightly, although with half of her face still planted firmly on the mattress, even this noise wasn’t very loud. “Louder!”

Kaeloo awkwardly lifted her head, beads of sweat dripping into her eyes as she tried to steady her breathing. “No,” she said firmly, although not raising her voice. “There are other people in this building. I don’t want them to hear us doing this.”

“Let them hear,” Mr. Cat countered roughly, curling over her body enough to bring his other hand to stroke her face. Kaeloo leaned into it eagerly, trying to kiss his fingers as best she could. “Let them hear just how good I make you feel.”

_“No,”_ Kaeloo repeated emphatically. The confusion on Mr. Cat’s face was acute, and Kaeloo’s face grew firm, a sexual confidence she hadn’t felt before surging through her. “Because I’m jealous. I won’t share you, or anything about our relationship, with _anyone.”_ His fingers were still near enough to her mouth that she suckled on them affectionately, making his breathing hitch a bit as well. “My cries of pleasure are for _your_ ears and your ears _alone.”_

Mr. Cat remained silently surprised for another few seconds before deeply and forcefully thrusting into her again, Kaeloo having to bite her lip to uphold her proclamation. “Well, my ears are feeling neglected right now. Give me some noise, baby. Please.”

Kaeloo continued to pant heavily. Despite how certain her statement had been, holding back her moans and cries of ecstasy was one of the most difficult things she’d ever attempted. “Slap my butt again,” she begged him, in lieu of crying out any moans of approval that were overcrowding her lungs.

He acquiesced her command instantly, with more force this time. “The neighbors heard that, I’m sure,” he said to her with a smirk, still unrelenting in his rhythm against her. And indeed, the requested action had drawn out a noise from Kaeloo as well—nothing vocalized, but air rushed out of her lungs with an audible hiss. She wanted to ask for him to do it again, but she was only half an action away from letting out the cry of pleasure rattling inside of her.

And Mr. Cat’s unrelenting pounding of her ended up being all that it took.

Pressing her face into the mattress as much as she could while still allowing her to breathe, Kaeloo let out a long moan, punctuating it with a delighted “Oh, _yes!”_ She had been close enough to an orgasm already, and with her finally letting out the noise Mr. Cat had begged for, Mr. Cat couldn’t seem to hold back either, moving even faster and deeper than before. It wasn’t long at all before Kaeloo’s orgasm happened, the rest of her vocalizations spilling out of her as she came. Mr. Cat followed suit only a few thrusts later.

Now thoroughly spent, Kaeloo collapsed completely onto her belly, barely even noticing the still painful sensation of Mr. Cat’s spiked penis exiting her. Her face was still plastered with an intense, dopey grin as she lay still, awash in the afterglow.

Mr. Cat awkwardly rolled off the bed and to the side, lowering himself to his knees so that he was face-level with Kaeloo. “Alright,” he said with a grin, his breathing still a little bit ragged, _“now_ you can kiss me.”

Kaeloo laughed languorously, awkwardly scooting her body closer to the edge of the bed and twisting her head so that she could meet his lips. “Untie my hands, please,” she said, interrupting their kiss after a few seconds and rolling over more completely to her side.

Mr. Cat carefully undid the knot, although he was still smirking deviously at Kaeloo. “This right here? I want you to do it to me sometime. Although tighter. And maybe with my arms behind me instead of in front of me.” The knot in the scarf came apart, and Kaeloo flexed her arms and hands gratefully.

“But Mr. Cat,” she protested, grasping one of his hands in hers, “if I tie you up like that, you can’t touch me… and I like it when you touch me.”

“And I like it when you touch me too,” Mr. Cat countered shrewdly, “but I _also_ like hearing you make those wonderful noises.”

Kaeloo blushed. “I hope nobody heard us.”

“I hope they did.” Mr. Cat gave Kaeloo another slow, deep kiss, Kaeloo lightly stroking his face in return but still too spent to do much else.

He broke the kiss just as slowly as he’d started it, but once their lips were no longer touching Mr. Cat stood up rather abruptly. “Now then, babe… grocery time?” He smirked playfully at her.

Kaeloo let out a low, long, languid sigh. “Oh, _honey_… all I want to do right now is just lie here.”

“What’s this?” Mr. Cat exclaimed, a bit too dramatically, with a glimmer in his eyes indicating he was teasing her. “What happened to ‘this is important, Mr. Cat!’ ‘We have things we need to do today, Mr. Cat!’ ‘I won’t let you distract me, Mr. Cat!’”

“You are very distracting,” Kaeloo conceded, trying to shoot him a look of annoyance despite the pleased smile still etched into her face. “Darn you…”

“Darn me for working up an appetite? I’ve just assured that we’ll get plenty of food when we go out. After we rest up a bit, of course.” Mr. Cat climbed over Kaeloo and flopped down on his back next to her, looking up at the ceiling and letting out a long, contented sigh of his own.

Kaeloo turned over on her back as well, although she turned her head a bit to the side to gaze lovingly at Mr. Cat. Already her mind was reliving everything about this latest sexual encounter of theirs, and looking at him highlighted all of the best parts.

Her smile faded a bit.

“Mr. Cat?” she asked softly.

Mr. Cat turned his head to the side to face her, still smiling blissfully. “Yeah?”

“Did you mean it when you said that I deserve to feel good?”

Mr. Cat frowned a bit in confusion. “Of course I meant it. Why are you asking?”

Kaeloo exhaled a bit forlornly. “Sometimes I think I _don’t_ deserve to feel good.”

“Hell, I _never_ think that I deserve to feel good,” Mr. Cat countered. “And then when I do feel good I just hate myself even more for feeling good, and then I feel like I’ve punished myself sufficiently for being happy. And then it all starts over again.”

“Oh, Mr. Cat,” Kaeloo said, giving him a sad look, “you shouldn’t hate yourself.”

He looked at her, blinking with a sort of forlorn confusion at her words. “Well, you shouldn’t either, babe,” he finally replied.

Kaeloo’s eyes darted downward, not having a ready response for that. She couldn’t really tell him to not hate himself while _she_ hated _herself_, now could she? How could it be okay for her but not for him?

“Kaeloo?” Mr. Cat said gently. She looked back up at him. “If it makes you feel any better…” He finally gave a light, albeit slightly self-effacing smile, again. “I hate myself a lot less when I’m with you.”

Kaeloo found herself halfway smiling at that, too. “That does make me feel better. And it’s the same with me. You make me feel… better about myself, somehow.” She leaned towards him and touched her forehead to his. “Thank you.”

“Glad to know I’m doing something right,” Mr. Cat remarked lightly, although one hand grasped hers fondly as he spoke, showing the true depth of his gratitude.

“Oh, you do a lot of things right,” said Kaeloo suggestively. “Like when we had sex just now.”

Mr. Cat smirked at her. “It takes two to tango, baby, and it wouldn’t be so great if _you_ weren’t so damn amazing yourself.”

“Watch your language.” But Kaeloo was grinning and blushing and she was sure he realized that the reprimand was more due to habit than an actual command for him to amend his words. “So…” She winked at him. “You want me to tie you up like that?”

“Oh no baby, _tighter_ than that.” He let out a low growl and rubbed his forehead against hers. “And my ankles, too. My wrists _and_ my ankles.”

“I’ll give it a try next time.” She kissed his lips sweetly. “I want to make you feel good, too.”

“Oh, baby,” Mr. Cat sighed euphorically, “everything you do to me makes me feel good.”

Kaeloo, moved nearly to tears, kissed Mr. Cat again, although lingering this time, one arm wrapping around his body. She pulled away just to be able to move in and taste him again, and he did likewise, the two peppering each other with unhurried yet passionate kisses, wrapping their arms around each other tighter and rocking against each other.

And then, simultaneously, their stomachs rumbled noisily.

“Oh, right,” Kaeloo said quickly, pulling her face away from Mr. Cat’s. “We still need groceries…”

“And if we rest any longer, we’ll just get distracted again.” Mr. Cat gave Kaeloo one more quick kiss before rolling to the other side and hopping off the bed. “Ready to go?”

Kaeloo sat up and swung her legs off the side of the bed, finding that, thankfully, she was recovered enough to be able to move again. “Yes, I’m back to being ready again, no thanks to you.” She grinned playfully at him. “Let’s go.”


	12. Distract Me

Kaeloo walked down the now familiar street towards her apartment building, sighing a bit in self-pity as the rain pitter-pattered its way down all around her.

She and Mr. Cat had been in New Cross City for five days now, a length of time that seemed at once like both a lifetime and a blink of an eye. Her initial enthusiasm at arriving here, this city that represented every attempt at responsibility she had, every endeavor to finally act like the grown-up she was, every step forward into the rest of her life, had always been… not _forced_, per se, but still actively focused on so that she didn’t lose sight of the big picture as the little details threatened to consume her.

And the longer she was here, the more little details appeared.

There was a lot to like about New Cross City, of course. She liked Dr. Clark. She liked her housing caseworker. She liked the little corner grocery store where she and Mr. Cat bought their food. She liked the cobblestone path that led to the park. She liked the cheery morning television show that played on channel four every morning at nine.

But when she stepped into the dingy little room with too-small windows and cold linoleum floors that was the locale of her workforce training, the knowledge of everything that she liked slipped away like water through a sieve.

This program was intended for those who, for whatever reason, weren’t able to rely on their own talents or credentials to land a job on their own, but Kaeloo couldn’t help but note that they were all leaps and bounds ahead of her in every social and academic level. Most had high school diplomas, or at least the equivalent of one. Kaeloo… didn’t. And when the instructor asked why, Kaeloo burned red and slumped into her seat and mumbled that she didn’t want to talk about it, trying to not transform in a rage in front of the entire class.

It was all so intense. So exacting. When practicing for job interviews Kaeloo just stumbled all over her own words and had trouble articulating just why she’d be an ideal employee—because she herself didn’t know. It was disheartening, especially when all the other students in the class seemed to be far more articulate and polished. Her instructor seemed to detach herself from her, as if she considered her a lost cause. This gave Kaeloo no incentive to push harder.

Invariably she’d return home every day disgruntled and discouraged, and only sex could distract her and make her feel better. Ah yes, sex… the only real good thing about being a grown-up. Thankfully Mr. Cat was more than willing to oblige her. He was… _so_ distracting. And thank goodness for that. And many days, after he made her feel better in every way imaginable, he’d treat her to dinner or some small gift, the money used to purchase these acquired from God-knows-where. Kaeloo didn’t want to ask. She had no clue what he did while she was at her classes, or where he got that money. She didn’t want to know, really. Let him go do his own thing, she could question it later…

Walking down the busy street, hunching her shoulders in an attempt to shield herself from the rain, Kaeloo sighed to herself. She had to ask him about it one of these days. And yet she knew that today, just like every day, she’d just walk right in and throw herself in his arms and beg for him to distract her.

Pathetic, wasn’t it?

She turned her key into the lock of the apartment complex, gratefully entering into a dry area and shaking the excess water from her body. Ascending the stairs to the second floor and making her way to her apartment, she inserted the key in the lock and turned it, finally smiling. This was the best part of any day.

“I’m home, honey,” she called out upon entering, closing the door behind her. She could feel her body instantly relax upon entering her abode; just being here already lifted her spirits. And Mr. Cat could lift them even more. She hung her messenger bag on the hook by the door. “Mr. Cat?” she called out, surprised at the lack of response.

Her eyes scanned the room, and she finally saw him, although the sight of the state he’d left the room in did little to relieve her.

“Mr. Cat!” Kaeloo ran to the loveseat where he was sitting mechanically on the edge, looking blankly ahead of him, not seeming to even notice her presence. She nearly tripped on numerous beer cans littered across the floor, and she exhaled with a touch of chastisement, although this wasn’t enough to excise the concern his expression caused her. “Have you been drinking?”

He didn’t answer her. In fact, he did absolutely nothing to acknowledge her.

“Mr. Cat?” Kaeloo repeated anxiously, kneeling to match his eye level. “Are you alright?”

Finally, very slowly, he turned to acknowledge her, but this action did nothing to assuage Kaeloo’s worry. His eyes, usually glimmering with some devious scheme or plan, seemed unnaturally hollow. Like there was nothing inside of them. And even though he was looking at her, he didn’t seem to really _see_ her.

Kaeloo gulped, not sure whether or not touching him would help. Actually she wasn’t sure if anything would help. Nor was she sure if staying silent was helpful either. She gulped again, fighting down tears—the only thing she was reasonably sure of was that crying _wasn’t_ going to help; she had to be the strong one for him, to help him deal with… whatever this was. “Can you… talk to me, honey? Please?” she finally asked him, her voice trembling with the tears she was only partly successful in holding back.

Mr. Cat blinked once… very, very slowly. As his eyes opened again his gaze sluggishly fell to the ground.

“Distract me,” he said tonelessly.

Kaeloo’s shoulders tensed up, too nonplussed to do anything else. Distract him? Surely he didn’t mean it in the same way that she had meant it for the past few days. And yet with all of her own requests for him to make her feel better, it was only fair that it was now her turn. And she knew she’d do anything for him, anything to bring him out of this funk. She just didn’t know what, if anything, would work.

“Just talk,” Mr. Cat clarified, his voice still almost lifeless.

Kaeloo’s agony over her fiancé’s condition wasn’t dissipated, not by a long shot, yet she still felt a small twinge of relief at this request. Talking, now that she could do. That was probably what she was best at. “About what?” she asked him.

“Anything.” With an abrupt motion, he grasped her hands in his, holding them so tightly that it only just didn’t hurt. “Just talk.”

“Okay.” Kaeloo gulped once more, trying to come up with a topic of conversation that didn’t focus on Mr. Cat’s condition, even though that was the only thing on her mind at the moment. “Um… so… at class today, we took an assessment test, you know, one that runs all your answers through a computer and then is supposed to tell you what your ideal job would be. Mine went through and apparently I didn’t really score very high in anything. The best I got was babysitter. Except no parent would ever hire a babysitter that turns into a monster every time their kids act up.” Kaeloo took another deep breath, once again trying to stop the tears. “Maybe I shouldn’t even go back tomorrow. It all seems hopeless. Maybe I’m not meant to be anything.”

Mr. Cat didn’t say anything in response, although he did squeeze her hands once, as if trying to reassure her.

“No no no, I shouldn’t be saying this, I’m supposed to be trying to make you feel better and here I am going on and on about depressing things…” She looked away from him, ashamed, the tears she had been fighting now trickling defiantly down her face. “But I can’t think about anything good to say either. I want to, I want to get you out of this, whatever this is, but… I can’t even do that. I can’t do anything.” She pulled one hand away from his to wipe at her tears, looking back at him apologetically. “I love you,” she said softly, not knowing what else to say.

This finally got a notable reaction out of Mr. Cat, although it was certainly wasn’t positive. It was his turn to wince and turn his head away from her, although he still didn’t let go of her hand. “You… really shouldn’t,” he muttered.

“Don’t say that,” Kaeloo insisted. “No one has ever understood me like you do. Not ever.”

“Yeah, and—” He pulled his hands away from her roughly, making awkward, exaggerated motions with them as he seemed to vacillate between deciding to stand up or remain seated. “No one’s ever pissed you off like me either, or made you think you’ve completely lost your mind, or treated you like shit the way I have—”

“Even if that were true,” Kaeloo interrupted fretfully, “which it isn’t… but even then, I still wouldn’t care. The good outweighs the bad a hundred times over. You—you don’t know what I was like before you, and how you brought light and excitement into my life when I thought maybe I’d lost it forever…”

Mr. Cat stopped flailing his arms about, although he still teetered on the edge of the loveseat for a few uneasy moments. Kaeloo held out her hands, stopping them inches from his, still not knowing whether or not she should touch him but wanting to make sure he knew that if that’s what he needed, he could grab her as tight as he wanted.

Finally, he grasped her hands again, sighing a bit in defeat. Kaeloo couldn’t smile either, although she felt at least a small ping of relief that he seemed to be physically steady again.

When he spoke, his voice was back to eerily dull and toneless. “Why don’t you talk about our wedding plans?” His sentence being a question with an upwards inflection was the only thing that kept his tone from sounding like before.

But it was enough to let Kaeloo breathe more easily, grateful that even in this state, Mr. Cat had managed to do what she could not—find a topic of conversation that didn’t dwell on their bad feelings. She launched right in to a glowing praise of a bridal magazine she’d flipped through at the library the other day, especially the most adorable pew decorations that had been highlighted in the do-it-yourself section, ones that could be crafted from lace doilies, satin ribbons, and flowers—either real or fake. And how beautiful they’d look with cerulean ribbons, matching the wedding colors, the end of each pew decorated with a splash of color to match the rug rolled out down the aisle… She went on and on, letting herself get carried away, yet still watchfully keeping an eye on him as his shoulders relaxed, bit by tiny bit. The hollowness in his eyes didn’t leave, however; instead, his eyelids drooped more and more until he finally appeared to be asleep, still seated on the edge of the loveseat.

Kaeloo finally stopped talking, looking him over, still as worried about him as ever. Of course, though, maybe sleeping would help him feel better from… whatever had just happened. Slowly, she stood back up, noticing for the first time her knees aching painfully from the strain. She ignored it for the time being, however, instead making sure she was still steadily holding Mr. Cat’s hands. Very carefully, she pulled him up with him, and once he was awkwardly standing in his sleep, she led him towards the bed. Inwardly she acknowledged complete gratitude that the apartment was so small that it didn’t take many steps at all. Once at the bed, she carefully nudged him to recline. He sank to the mattress heavily, still not waking up.

Kaeloo quickly tucked a blanket around him, biting her lip as the tears sprang back to her eyes. She still didn’t know if she had helped him at all. She could only take comfort in the knowledge that she’d tried, but that didn’t matter to her, really—all that mattered was that he would feel better, regardless of whether it was because of her or not. All she could do was hope that sleeping it off would be beneficial.

At any rate, there was nothing more to be done for Mr. Cat at that moment, so Kaeloo finally attended to herself, sinking down to the floor and letting the tears flow fully.

…

The door to the house was shabby, long needing a fresh coat of paint, the bottom hinge broken from being kicked in one too many times.

Its youngest resident stood outside, the darkness and cold of the air boring into him unrelentingly.

Still not enough to convince him that inside was a preferable alternative.

But then he heard it—that rough, brash voice screeching his name, drawing it out in that way that made his eardrums want to explode. The fur on his back stood up and he growled uncomfortably, feeling even less inclined to enter, yet he knew now that he had no choice.

“I’m coming, Mama…”

She was sprawled out on the couch, as usual, watching her favorite trashy talk show. Upon seeing him enter, she spitefully hissed out his name again, making his body prickle, all needles and pins. “Did you bring me food?” she continued.

Her son stopped, just barely entered into the room, the needles and pins feeling intensifying. “You… you didn’t tell me that you wanted—“

“You dumbass! Of course I wanted you to get food! You know we don’t have any in the house! Fucking worthless waste of space,” she muttered harshly. “I can’t depend on you for anything. I never can. _Charles!”_ Her voice snapped even rougher. “Since your useless younger brother can’t do the simplest of tasks, you get off your lazy ass and do it!”

“What the fuck?!” Charles’s voice griped from the other room. “Whatever it is you want me to do, I’m not doing it! I’ve got plans! Now what’s for dinner?”

“NOTHING!” shrieked the mother, still not moving from her spot. “Because your worthless brother can’t do anything right!”

“No one fucking told me I was supposed to get any food!” the youngest protested, but to no avail. Charles stormed into the room.

“I’ve got a mind to chop you up and throw you in the saucepan!” he roared, punching his brother in the jaw before he could properly defend himself.

Rubbing at his jaw and breathing heavily from the pain, he however wasn’t verbally defenseless. _“Go eat shit_ if you’re that hungry!” he snarled.

He then tried to flee from the retaliation that he knew was coming… but he didn’t try hard enough.

_“Fuck you!”_ Charles grabbed his head in a headlock and slammed it into the table below them, the younger cat’s vision hazing over from the impact. _“You_ can eat _my_ shit—and fucking choke on it and die too, asswipe!”

“Charles, you fucking dumbass!” their mother screeched at him, her voice once again nails-on-a-chalkboard to the highest degree. “Get your ass out of the house and bring me some food before I send Thomas out here!”

Charles pushed his younger brother’s head against the table one last time, pressing down ominously for a second or so before letting go, hurrying out the door. Neither one of them wanted to face their oldest brother.

Just as the door slammed shut, signifying the good news that Charles was gone, a new voice cut into the room, dashing any sense of relief the youngest could feel. “Send me out here for _what?”_

Thomas had entered.

And his youngest brother could only choke in despair, almost to the point of vomiting, aware of what was coming and yet unable to move away in time after what Charles had done to him—

—but yet somehow he did, bolting upright and falling right out of the bed.

“Ow! _–Fuck!”_ Mr. Cat rubbed at his forehead, which had taken the brunt of his fall… unfortunately, too, because he had a pounding headache, thumping in and out between his ears, a hangover of the worst order. He had a hangover. Astonishingly, he clung to that realization, because it afforded him a piece of information—that he had been drinking. It seemed trivial, and it most likely was, but it was the only concrete knowledge he had at the moment. Rubbing at his eyes cholerically, he tried to open them, seeing the smallest, beginning rays of morning light shine through the window of his parents’—

—no, wait, this _wasn’t_ that place.

“Fuck,” Mr. Cat muttered again, breathing heavily. It was just some horrible drunken dream—a dream that hadn’t been a dream at all, but a memory that he couldn’t forget no matter how he tried. It had been so vivid. It was like he was there again. He shivered.

Okay, but there was no reason to worry over that anymore; he wasn’t _there_. But then where _was_ he?

Frantically, he tried to think back to yesterday. Yesterday… yesterday, oh yeah, now he remembered. Yesterday he went back to Smileyland, same as he had been doing for the last few days while Kaeloo was at her “essential job skills” class or whatever it was called. He kept going back there because it was easy to just summon whatever things he wanted… and even things that he didn’t want, but that he could take back to New Cross City and sell at a ridiculously high price. And then go back to their apartment—

—oh yes. Their apartment. _That’s_ where he was.

—and then go back to their apartment with all the money he had and all the new stuff he had and wait for Kaeloo to come home, just anxiously anticipating for her to ask where it had all come from. Because she _had_ to wonder. She _had_ to see the amount of stuff accumulating in their small apartment. And he wanted her to ask, he wanted her to find out what he’d been doing because she’d surely consider it to be “cheating” or something dumb like that and get mad at him and punish him for being a lazy worthless good-for-nothing like he was…

…but no, every day when she came home, she’d just sigh wearily, fall into his arms and make him completely forget about everything he’d wanted her to do. _“Distract_ me, Mr. Cat,” she’d implore him, every single day, and… how in the hell could he say no to that?

He was a bit jealous of her in that regard; sex couldn’t distract him the way it could distract her. Alcohol, on the other hand…

His head throbbed again, and his eyes flickered across the room, seeing all of the beer cans stacked on the countertop—why would he have taken the time to pick up his mess? Because he remembered the mess.

He was starting to remember more now.

He had been trying to hawk a television (a crappy one, but it still worked!) on the streets of New Cross City that afternoon. One guy, an absolute tank of a buffalo, had seemed interested at first, but then he’d asked to see Mr. Cat’s credentials or seller’s license.

Things had… fallen apart rather quickly after that.

True, maybe Mr. Cat shouldn’t have smugly declared that he didn’t need one—but since the buffalo had asked, he’d have to raise the asking price. And maybe he shouldn’t have responded to the buffalo’s outraged glare with an offer to lower the price back down to just _above_ the original asking price. But, well, he’d done both, and before he knew it the buffalo had him pinned to the television in an angry headlock, slamming his head against the paneling, screaming at him that he was a no-good charlatan, a cheat, a fraud, and he’d better not try to swindle him again, _do you hear?!_

He heard. Everyone else did, too.

And so that afternoon there was no money, no new possession to take home for Kaeloo to ignore, just discontent and self-loathing and the flaring up of painful memories he’d long ago tried to repress.

Alcohol was the only balm against all of that.

Seeing the sheer amount of cans on the counter, Mr. Cat groaned darkly. He had remembered up to that point, which was good, of course, but try as he might he couldn’t remember anything after that. He couldn’t recall a thing about yesterday after arriving home. He could draw the conclusion that he drank to an insane level, but not because he specifically remembered doing so; this conclusion was reached merely by analyzing the number of cans stacked against the kitchen wall and the degree of his pounding headache. He couldn’t even remember Kaeloo coming home.

This thought made him suddenly lurch, trying to rise to his feet and not quite succeeding. Where was Kaeloo? Grasping the edge of the mattress, he pulled himself up awkwardly, looking over the bed and finding it empty. Panicked, he turned his head, scanning the room, his eyes quickly adjusting to the limited light.

She was on the loveseat against the wall, a light blanket pulled around her, and she shifted slightly in her uneasy sleep. It was a pitiful sight and Mr. Cat wanted to die.

This was obviously his doing. He still couldn’t pull the memories from his drunken stupor of an evening, but at the moment it seemed almost like a moot point. She’d obviously come home, found him in a completely shitfaced state, clearly cleaned up the mess he’d made… she was the only one who could save him, the only one who would even bother to _try,_ and he had left her all alone, rejected and troubled and hopeless. He didn’t deserve salvation. Not after everything he’d done. Both known… and unknown.

What the fuck had he done to her?!

She rolled over once more, roughly and fitfully, and her eyes creaked open with the coaxing of the ever-increasing morning sun. “M-Mr. Cat?” she murmured, still drowsy.

Mr. Cat could only stand there, dumbly, silently begging for condemnation.

“Are you okay?” Kaeloo sat up, rubbing her eyes anxiously, looking positively worried for him. “Are you… feeling better?”

Mr. Cat still couldn’t say anything to that. Feeling better? Feeling better than _what?_ If he could remember how he’d felt when she’d arrived home, maybe he could answer her…

Kaeloo crumpled into herself helplessly. “Just tell me what I can do to help…” Her voice was tiny.

“No,” Mr. Cat countered roughly, breathing heavily. “Tell me what I did to you.”

“What?” She looked so lost.

“I don’t remember a damn—a darn—thing about last night,” Mr. Cat said hurriedly, trying to amend the language that was completely warranted, yet the last thing he wanted right now was for Kaeloo to ignore what was being said and just chastise him for using curse words. “But I know I got plastered and it’s obvious that I was terrible to you, so just—tell me what I did to you.”

Kaeloo blinked. “You didn’t do anything to—”

_“Bullshit!”_ Mr. Cat snapped out before he could stop himself. “I—I mean… that’s obviously a lie,” he amended, although Kaeloo didn’t look to be concerned with his language at the moment; just with everything else. “I’ve never seen you look so miserable, and I was three sheets to the wind yesterday, I can’t remember a goddamn thing, and… I know I did something to you, so stop trying to spare my feelings by hiding it, just let me know so I can try to make it up to you.”

Kaeloo gulped, looking down at her hands. “It’s not that you did something to me, it’s more… something you said about yourself.”

This was unexpected, but at least it was moving towards a sense of understanding. She remained silent for a while, and Mr. Cat waited, tapping his foot a bit, wondering when she’d divulge the details.

She finally looked up at him, piteously and desolately. “I told you that I love you, and you… told me that I shouldn’t.”

It took a minute for Mr. Cat to process this. But when he did, only a harsh, short laugh escaped his lips. “Well, my drunken self speaks the truth,” he said with a cheerless smile.

Kaeloo’s gaze fell back down towards her hands folded in her lap, her frown consuming her entire continence. “Mr. Cat…” Her voice was still small, but with an edge of desperation tinting it. “It was hard enough to have this conversation last night, and I know you don’t remember it… but I really don’t want to have it again…” She closed her eyes, her brow knitting in grim determination. “I will if we need to, but… it’s very difficult when you say the things you do, please understand…”

“No, don’t,” Mr. Cat interrupted her. “…I’m starting to remember now.”

Yeah… he remembered. Both her words and the reaction it had ignited in him, like an atomic bomb, destroying every familiar comfort he’d clung to.

He scowled at the ground, a wave of nausea threatening to overtake him. True, she hadn’t said anything that she hadn’t made obvious through her actions beforehand, but… spoken aloud, in that state, at the worst possible moment… all he could do was bitterly ruminate that he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve _any_ of this, other than the headache and the nausea…

“If I said something wrong,” Kaeloo blurted out suddenly, her words cutting into him like a blade, “please tell me what it was… I was only trying to help, I don’t know what I’m doing, I _never_ know what I’m doing…”

_“Stop,”_ Mr. Cat said roughly. “Just stop. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Kaeloo looked up at him with honest befuddlement.

Abruptly, Mr. Cat crossed the small distance between the edge of the bed and the loveseat and sat down next to her. “Listen, Kaeloo, I… I take you for granted.”

Kaeloo tensed in dispute. “No you don’t—”

“Let me talk,” Mr. Cat interrupted pleadingly. “Just let me talk… this is important. Because I do. I take you for granted. I treat you like crap and still I always just expect you to be around, even when you shouldn’t. And you shouldn’t.” He looked down at the ground guiltily for just a second or two before looking back at her, forcing himself to stop hiding his emotions from her, for the first time in his life. “But you’re always here for me anyway, and I just get… complacent about you. And I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t. But I do, even with… this whole thing.” He motioned towards their shared apartment, feeling more and more like an ass as the words tumbled out of his mouth. “And I guess I got selfish. I purposely kept things unsaid between us, because when I wanted to believe that you love me, I could, and when it was convenient to believe that you wanted nothing to do with me, I could believe that, too.” He winced at his words. “It’s fucking egotistical of me, I know…”

Kaeloo didn’t say anything to that, simply continuing to hold her gaze with him, hanging on to every word.

“So when you told me you love me, it scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t pretend something different if I wanted to push you away from me. And I couldn’t just ignore how you feel. I _can’t_. And I… I never really had an excuse even before then, did I? You didn’t need to say anything.” He winced again, staring at the floor, feeling completely unworthy to look her in the eyes. “But you did, and then I couldn’t ignore it anymore. It’s not just _my_ feelings I have to worry about anymore. And I know, it didn’t just start yesterday… but until yesterday, I could pretend. I can’t pretend anymore.” He finally looked back at her. “I can’t pretend that everything I am and everything I do doesn’t affect you.”

Kaeloo gulped, tentatively reaching for his hands. “It’s okay,” she murmured.

“No, it’s fucking _not_ okay,” Mr. Cat countered harshly. “I should be the one making you feel better and instead I’m just fucking you up in the worst way possible. And it’s all because of my selfish cowardly ego that meant that all I could focus on was how things made _me_ feel.” He grasped her hands in his, fervently, his desperate and rueful eyes gazing intently into hers. “But you’ve shattered any chance I have of just continuing to exist in my unquestioning little reality. I can’t let you feel this way. Especially when it’s on my account. I’ll be damned if I let you stay heartbroken, especially when it’s because of me. This fucking around and dodging reality ends _now_. After everything I’ve put you through, the absolute least you deserve is the truth.” He took a deep breath. “And the truth is, I love you too. I always have. I should have told you before.” He winced again, his gaze darting away from her again guiltily. “And I mean _actually_ told you, not those half-assed confessions that I always immediately took back…”

“It’s okay,” Kaeloo repeated gently, tracing one hand against his cheek. “I understand why you did.”

“Kaeloo, _for crying out loud…”_ Mr. Cat muttered, rubbing at his forehead wearily. “Stop making excuses for me, okay? There is no excuse for how I’ve treated you… for how I’ve _always_ treated you. People don’t go around messing with and tormenting and gaslighting people that they care about.”

Kaeloo bit her lip for a second or two, seeming to consider whether making a point was a good idea before finally settling on the decision to go ahead with it. “And there’s no excuse for beating up your best friend, the only person who’s always been there for you… the person you’ve had feelings for since basically the beginning… there’s no excuse for beating that person to a pulp each and every time he simply makes you angry.”

“That’s completely different,” Mr. Cat countered, rolling his eyes slightly. “That’s just physical. I don’t care. Whatever. What I did to you _mentally_ hurt you. It _emotionally_ hurt you. You said it yourself when you said you thought you were unlovable—_you_! Of all the horrible people in the world, you try to tell me that _you’re_ the one who doesn’t deserve love?!” He grasped her hands in his once more. “And here I am—I’ve loved you ever since you showed up that first night with your little doctor’s bag and insisted that you take care of me—and I’m the reason you thought no one could ever love you! _I_ made you believe that!”

Kaeloo very forcefully shook her head at that. “No, Mr. Cat… no. It wasn’t… it was partly you, yes… but you didn’t start it. You just stoked a fire you didn’t even know was there.”

“What are you talking about?”

She sighed unhappily, looking away from him yet still holding his hands. “You… you weren’t the first.”

Mr. Cat could only stare dumbly at her, barely blinking. This was… unexpected, to say the least.

Kaeloo gulped, still averting her gaze. “Stumpy and Quack Quack never told you how I first discovered Smileyland, did they?”

This seemed to be such a non sequitur that Mr. Cat continued to gape for a few more seconds before finally forcing his mouth to form words again. “No… why? Does that… even matter?”

“Unfortunately… it does.” Kaeloo took a deep breath before looking back at him. “Sometimes… sometimes thinking back on this makes me despondent, and sometimes it makes me angry, and I don’t know how telling it will make me feel because I’ve never talked about it with anyone, other than Stumpy and Quack Quack of course but that was right after it happened, so that’s obviously different from now… anyway, if I get angry, can you please talk me down?”

“I’m better at riling you up than talking you down,” Mr. Cat admitted sheepishly.

“You’re good at both,” Kaeloo insisted. “You’re equally good at both, I know you don’t realize that, because I’ve never actually told you all the _good_ things you do, but…” She sighed helplessly. “I know you like it when I’m angry, but I don’t think I can tell this story right if I’m in that form. So please… if I do, you know, get mad when I’m talking about this…”

“I’ll do my best,” Mr. Cat assured her. It felt like an empty promise, but a promise to try was better than no promise at all, right?

“Thanks.” Kaeloo smiled for a brief moment before taking another breath to try to collect her thoughts, unhappiness and trepidation taking over her face.

“You remember how Samesville was, right? All gray and drab and… the same? Well, try to imagine me, skipping to school the day before my seventeenth birthday, seeing everything there as bright and colorful and exploding with emotion, because at the time it seemed like it would be the best day of my life. Everything seemed so perfect! I… I was in love!”


	13. Edge of Seventeen

The road to Samesville Secondary School was long and straight and boring, and Kaeloo, a naturally energetic frog nearing the end of her penultimate year of secondary school, usually didn’t care for it. Oh, sure, she put on a happy face for her parents when leaving the house every day, and she forced the smile to return when reaching her school, determined to make the most of things no matter what… but the smiles were forced, they always were, and on the walk to and from school where it didn’t matter, she never smiled.

That had begun to change about a month or so ago.

The first thing that had brought about a change was the fact that she wasn’t walking alone anymore. A new family had moved two houses down from her and upon his first day of traversing to his new school, Stumpy the squirrel had taken to walking with her. He was fairly chatty and hyper, and Kaeloo, who was no slouch in the talking department herself, sometimes had trouble getting a word in edgewise. But that was alright. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had willingly spent time with her, especially to such a consistent degree like this. Of course, Stumpy was in primary school and a good five years younger than her, so she couldn’t exactly consider him a “friend”… but that didn’t mean she didn’t value his company. Even _that_ was more than she was used to. And thanks to Stumpy, the company expanded even more, when Stumpy’s new best friend from primary school started walking to and from school with them as well. Quack Quack, a duck who was a year behind Stumpy in school, was… very different, Kaeloo had to admit, even odder than she was, which probably was why she took to him protectively the way she did. He didn’t talk much, and when he did all he could say was “quack”, but Stumpy could understand him and Kaeloo quickly found that she was starting to be able to as well.

True, maybe not the best friends for a teenager like herself to have. But that was the problem—Kaeloo had never had a friend her own age, at least not one who hung around more than a few days or so. Heck, she’d never really had a friend at all, of a similar age or not. She was socially awkward and blunt and childish and far too excitable and persnickety and… well, no one wanted to deal with that for very long. Stumpy and Quack Quack, however, were willing to—at least on their walks to and from school. It might have been a small thing, but it was all Kaeloo had.

Until about a week ago, when the most astonishing thing had happened.

Vincent, a boy in her grade—a handsome, popular, intelligent gecko who always had a slightly smug yet still charming smile ready for whenever the occasion warranted it—was a common sight at her school. And a common object of desire. Kaeloo had been no exception, awkwardly blushing and looking away every time they passed each other in the hallways. And just like every time, she let herself get carried away… doodling his name inside of hearts all over her notes, getting lost in thoughts about how their wedding would be… She’d done it before, two years ago when she’d gotten a huge crush on Martin, an aloof boy in her chess club… and then a year ago she’d fallen head over heels for Valerie, the best player on her girls’ tennis team. Neither time had amounted to anything, though; the objects of her affection had been unaware, or even scornful of her very presence (as were most people). After a lot of tears and anger, Kaeloo had gotten over both of them relatively quickly, her romantic spirit ready for the next opportunity.

Vincent had been more of the same at first—Kaeloo admiring from afar, with no indicators that anything would be different this time around. But then, one day, the unthinkable happened.

He’d looked her in the eye one day as they crossed paths and gave her that smile of his.

And with that Kaeloo fell harder, harder than she’d ever fallen before, and she couldn’t stop herself.

Third time’s the charm, right?

Then the next day, he’d said a simple “hi” to her, still with that smile. And Kaeloo nearly fainted right there in the hallway. The day after that, he’d asked her how she was, and Kaeloo stammered out some answer that didn’t make any sense, and Vincent still smiled at her. And the next day he’d actually stopped and walked with her a bit.

Kaeloo was completely smitten. A lost cause. One thousand percent captured, enraptured, head over heels. Finally, finally, after all this time, someone her age wanted to speak with her… and not only that, but seemed to be into her! It wasn’t just her imagination, either, because the day before he’d winked flirtatiously at her, telling her just as they parted ways to their different classes that he had something he wanted to say to her tomorrow after school, and to meet him right outside the main doors.

It was now that day, and for once on their walk to school it wasn’t Stumpy whose mouth was going a mile a minute. It was Kaeloo, full to bursting with glee and exhilaration about the fact that the most handsome boy at school wanted to talk with her. Wanted to _be_ with her. Could you imagine her luck?

“Holy cow, Kaeloo, knock it off already! We get it! You’re in love!” Stumpy finally shrieked, silencing Kaeloo for the first time that morning. “Can you spare all the mushy details? We’re too young to care about stuff like love. Yuck!”

“Quack,” Quack Quack agreed, nodding emphatically.

Kaeloo’s eyes narrowed. “Well, can’t you at least care that I’m happy?”

“Then just tell us you’re happy,” Stumpy shot back. “Leave out all the sappy stuff!”

Kaeloo pursed her lips, still frowning. “Well _you_ just got uninvited to our wedding.”

_“Sheesh,_ you move fast.” The three friendly acquaintances had reached the block that contained both of their school buildings, the primary school to the left and the secondary school to the right, and Stumpy and Quack Quack headed for the left with little fuss.

Kaeloo took a deep, shaky breath and went to the right.

Her elevated level of excitement and glee had been knocked down a few pegs by Stumpy and Quack Quack’s reactions. And while she acknowledged that there was no real reason to let them bring her down, for their reasons for indifference could be explained solely by their ages and nothing more… despite their reasons, they had still dialed down her enthusiasm, clearing her mind and reminding her to consider… certain things.

These considerations tormented her throughout the entire school day.

And by the time of the final bell, as Kaeloo made her way to the front door with nervous, shaking footsteps, the considerations were crowding her brain, having grown even louder and more insistent throughout the day, leaving little room for other thoughts.

She was going to have to tell Vincent about… well… that monster she became when she got angry. Try as she might, she couldn’t think of a way to tell him without frightening him off, but at the same time she knew she couldn’t just let her angry transformation come as a surprise at the worst possible time, either. And she’d also have to mention how her “parts” never wanted to stay consistent. She winced guiltily at this one; despite all efforts to the contrary she couldn’t stop thinking about losing her virginity to him, and while she could hope and pray that when the time came she had only girl parts, the reality was that it was likely, if not the first time then a subsequent time, that she’d have boy parts instead (or also), and she needed to be honest with him about that, too. Both these considerations together seemed like the perfect recipe for driving a love interest far, far away.

The main doors were only a few steps away.

Kaeloo straightened up with determination. Well. Today was not the day for that. Today they would confess their love for each other and have their first kiss and make things official, and then, in private, when the time was right, she could tell him later. And she could only hope that he’d be understanding. Love conquers all, right?

Her resolve bolstered, she resolutely made the last few steps towards the door and pushed it open.

There was no time for any further preparations; Vincent was already there, along with a large group of his friends. Vincent was very popular, after all; there had to be about twenty other people with him. (Twenty? Was it even possible to have that many friends, Kaeloo wondered? She couldn’t even imagine having _three_ friends.) Instantly Kaeloo’s cheeks flared up with embarrassment with the realization of how many people would be witness to this occasion.

Vincent was chatting animatedly to one of them, but upon hearing the doors open he turned towards Kaeloo. “Hi, Kaeloo,” he said with a smile.

Kaeloo forgot about all her trepidations.

“H-hi, Vincent,” she awkwardly stammered out.

Vincent’s friends all chuckled viciously, but Vincent seemed to ignore this, instead making his way towards Kaeloo. “I wasn’t sure if you were actually going to show,” he said, his smile never leaving his lips.

Kaeloo took a deep breath, recognizing the opportunity presented to her. This was it. Here, in front of a large group of witnesses, she could tell him exactly how she felt, exactly what he meant to her. It would be just like the movies. The emotional, uplifting ending to the romantic story. She couldn’t throw away this moment.

“Of course I showed up,” she said emphatically, reaching out a hand towards him. “How could I not? You don’t know how much your smiles and words towards me have meant for me. I’ve spent all my life alone, an outcast, and to suddenly receive any attention at all is staggering… especially from you, the most amazing and handsome boy in the entire school—the entire world!” She grasped her hands in front of her anxiously. “I can’t tell you how happy you’ve made me. And how much you mean to me. I… I love you, Vincent! I absolutely, irrevocably love you! You’ve made me the happiest girl on earth!”

There was a poignant silence as Vincent regarded her, his facial expression unchanging, and Kaeloo continued to clasp her hands and smile, waiting for him to extend a hand towards her and continue the perfect moment.

Finally, he reacted.

He…

…laughed. Roughly. Dissonantly. Harshly.

“This was _too_ easy,” he said through his laughs. “You fell for it hook, line, and sinker, and I didn’t have to do _anything_. How stupid can you be, anyway?”

Kaeloo’s smile dropped like an anvil. “F-fell for it?”

“Fell for it, yeah. You’re the most pathetic person I’ve ever met. You stand there and declare everlasting love to someone who merely _smiled_ at you a few times? Are you for real?”

His friends were laughing uproariously at this, and Kaeloo felt herself shrink in shame from the knowledge of what was happening. “Was… any of this real, or were you just playing a joke on me…?”

“Of _course_ it was a joke! And I can’t believe you fell for it! Who would ever actually want _YOU?” _Vincent’s cruel amusement was accentuated by the continued raucous laughter of his posse. “You’re the weirdest, ugliest girl in the entire school. In fact I didn’t even _know_ you were a girl until I asked some people who said they’d seen you come out of the girls’ locker room from gym class, that’s how ugly you are.” He roughly pushed her shoulder, knocking her back a few steps. “You’re irritating and freaky and you have that annoying lisp! And you still thought that _anyone_ would want you? Especially _me?_ I have my choice from every girl in the school, and you think I’d seriously want _you?_ What a moron! You’re good for a laugh, though, so thanks for that!”

The jeers of the group of onlookers engulfed Kaeloo into a sea of dejection, the waves never abetting, simply growing more and more overpowering as the mocking intensified. There was no reprieve. Only more and more laughter, damning her, burying her in the horrible truth.

The tears that ungracefully tumbled from her eyes were initially only tears of heartbreak and sorrow, but as the cruel taunting continued to bombard her, they didn’t stay that way for long.

They became angry.

With a wordless yell, every bit as much lamenting that she couldn’t hold her anger back as it was genuinely enraged at Vincent, she felt that unfortunately familiar eruption of rage and power as her baser feelings overtook her, and suddenly he and everyone else were laughably small and helpless in her wake. Vincent’s eyes bulged in terror and fear at the sight in front of him, and the glee of his friends abruptly halted.

This was not enough for Bad Kaeloo. She wanted him to suffer just as much agony as he’d put her through.

She yanked him skyward for only a second before roughly slamming him into the ground, howling with rage, even her angered form not enough to hide the tint of absolute betrayal from her voice.

_“KAELOO HAVE FEELINGS TOO! KAELOO A PERSON! KAELOO HAVE EMOTIONS! YOU BREAK KAELOO’S HEART, KAELOO BREAK YOUR** BONES!”**_

_“HOLY SHIT!”_ Vincent shrieked, but it was too late.

Bad Kaeloo jumped onto him, her weight crushing him beneath her, before hopping off of him and smashing him into a sphere and rolling him like a bowling ball into his now equally terrified group of friends, knocking a good number of them over. Those that weren’t in the line of attack hastily scrambled out of there, screaming in fear.

_“NEVER LAUGH AT KAELOO AGAIN!”_ Bad Kaeloo shrieked at all of them, but mostly at Vincent, who was too hurt to move and cowering with fear at her outburst. Despite this, however, he still managed to shoot her a desperate, angry scowl.

“Are you _crazy?!_ You think _this_ will change my mind?! _NO ONE_ would want this kind of shit! You’re a _freak!_ You’re a _monster!”_

This only enraged Bad Kaeloo further, and she slapped Vincent forcefully, sending him flying at the school and hitting the wall with a solid, painful thud.

A new thud, the metallic clang of the front doors smacking against the walls as they were flung open, followed a second later. Out poured the entire office staff—the principal, the assistant principal, the school resources officer, the secretary, the nurse… and a whole mob of shocked, curious students as well.

_“WHAT IS GOING ON OUT HERE?!”_ the principal shrieked.

Vincent was more or less embedded into the wall, but he still managed to painfully point a finger at the huge toad, now frozen with fear, in front of him. “Kaeloo is trying to _kill me!”_ he rasped out.

Bad Kaeloo’s eyes bulged with terror for only a second before she turned and bolted, away from the school, away from her classmates who were all a mixture of horrified and frantic, away from the school faculty screaming at her to stop. Despite the fright that was fueling her long, panicked strides, she still determinedly focused on her anger as much as possible, somehow realizing through the fog of all the fear and heartbreak that her anger was the only thing that would help her escape this horrible situation and the punishments that surely awaited her.

She ran past the school. Past the downtown district of Samesville. Past her neighborhood, past her house and Stumpy’s nearly identical house. Past even the outskirts of habitation, where Samesville ended and the terrain just stretched out long and unchanging seemingly forever, for miles and miles and miles.

Finally, a ravine in the otherwise flat terrain tripped her up, and she fell into it, transforming back into simple, small, helpless Kaeloo again. Her anger spent, there was nothing left to do but curl up into the crevice of the land and cry, her sobs so ragged that she was convinced they would tear her body apart at any moment.

_“You… could have… just… said no!”_ she wailed.

Yes, he could have had mercy, just turned her down gently rather than played her like the sap she was. He could have merely broken her heart, not shattered it into irretrievable bits. He could have just said “you’re weird”, not rip into her with such cruel clarity.

But, of course, if he _had_ taken pity on her, if he _had_ shown even the tiniest bit of mercy, Kaeloo would have done what she’d done before—get sad for a few days, then move on and just repeat the same damn process over again. Even when it was clear that what she was seeking was never meant for her. She would never learn. She continued to weep uncontrollably, the pain in her heart and from his words only accentuated by the fact that she knew that everything he’d said to her was absolutely true. Perhaps his harsh words were necessary; perhaps she finally _had_ learned the horrible truth. Who would ever want an awkward, unattractive, naïve little freak like herself? He’d spelled it out so clearly, even before he knew anything about her darker side.

No one was ever going to love her. In fact, no one was probably ever going to even _like_ her. Who could like someone like _her?_

In the depths of her despair, she could find no reason to even move from her spot, let alone a desire to. What was waiting for her back in Samesville? She’d just violently beaten up a student—one of the most popular, well-liked students in the entire school, in fact. She would surely be expelled. Which she absolutely deserved, she acknowledged. Her parents would be so disappointed. She couldn’t face them after this. Her friends… what friends? She didn’t have any friends. Only Stumpy and Quack Quack could count, just barely, and once they heard of this episode they’d probably be too terrified of her to ever want to be near her again. And news of what she’d done would surely follow her throughout the entirety of Samesville. No one would want to even try to be friends with her. No one would so much as give her the chance now. And again, Kaeloo couldn’t fault anyone for that. She didn’t deserve friends. She didn’t deserve to live. What did she have to live for now? All she deserved was to lie in this ravine and die here, unmourned and forgotten by all.

After a few more painful, wracking minutes of uncontrollable sobbing, Kaeloo’s tears finally began to subside. Even as her vision cleared, however, her next course of action was far from certain.

She’d probably better get home… she couldn’t die here. If she was going to die, she’d have to make sure it was quick. Of course, she was going to have to explain to her parents why their only child wanted to kill herself…

Augh, maybe she _shouldn’t_ go back home.

Still, though, she stood up and slowly made her way back towards her neighborhood, mainly because she couldn’t think of what _else_ to do at the moment. She could make it back to Samesville, sneak into her house, hide under her blankets for the rest of the day and night, and then tomorrow she could do… whatever it was she needed to do.

Just as long as no one saw her between now and then, she’d manage.

“Hey, Kaeloo! There you are!”

“Quack!”

Kaeloo froze in her tracks, dismayed to find Stumpy and Quack Quack in front of her and waiting expectantly. The dismay and sorrow in her face did not reach Stumpy’s rather one-track brain, however. “Where have you been? You’re the talk of the town! After you went Godzilla everyone’s been talking about you! You rule the school!”

_“Rule the school?!”_ Kaeloo repeated incredulously. “I—I most certainly do not, Stumpy, I don’t rule anything! I’m a social pariah after the horrible thing I’ve done!”

Stumpy laughed disbelievingly at that, still giving Kaeloo an impressed, approving grin. “I don’t know what that means, but if it means that you’ll be top dog at school because everyone else is too afraid of you to ever cross you, then you’re right! That’s so cool!”

_“No it’s not!”_ Kaeloo insisted. “I—I’ve ruined everything! The one boy who talked to me was just using me for a joke this entire time, and my reaction all but guarantees that no one else will ever want to talk to me again!”

“Hey, we’re talking to you,” Stumpy pointed out.

“You don’t count.” Kaeloo pressed her face into her palms helplessly. “You’re just kids.” She sobbed once more. “You don’t know the extent of my heartbreak right now. I never want to show my face in Samesville ever again.”

There were a few moments of silence as Kaeloo continued to sob softly into her hands.

“Quack,” Quack Quack finally said.

Kaeloo looked up, surprised. She still didn’t consider herself an expert at understanding the duck, by any means, but she could have sworn that he had told her “then go somewhere else.” She gaped at him, unsure both of if she’d understood him right and, if she had, then how she should react to that.

“Ooh, yeah, good idea,” Stumpy said, his eyes growing wide with agreement. “Maybe one of those doors would be a good place to start!” He pointed to something seemingly behind Kaeloo.

“Huh?” Kaeloo said, turning around.

Situated a few meters behind her, unobtrusive and plain, were two doors at the edge of a path, no wall to hold either of them in place… they just were there.

“Doors?” Kaeloo said stupidly, taking a few hesitant steps towards them. “Are… are these like the interdimensional portals my dad told me about?” Her dad used to tell her stories about how he’d traveled through different dimensions when he was younger, but they were always grandiose, unbelievable tales, and while Kaeloo enjoyed hearing them she’d never actually believed him.

But maybe there’d been some truth to his stories after all.

“Maybe you should knock,” Stumpy piped up from behind Kaeloo as she continued to stand, unmoving, doing nothing but stare at the choice before her.

“I… maybe I should…”

Kaeloo drew in a breath of realization, feeling a surge of hope and optimism that she hadn’t felt since confessing to Vincent. Maybe… maybe _this_ was her next step. Maybe one of these doors could lead her to a place where she could start all over. A world she could make her own.

Her brows knitting in sudden determination, Kaeloo marched up to the door on the right and gave three firm knocks on it. “Hello?”

No answer.

“I’m opening the door!” Kaeloo announced loudly, turning the handle and flinging it open.

She was unprepared for the sight that greeted her.

Behind this door was a warm, bright world, with rolling hills and gentle clouds dotting the orange sky. The terrain spread out invitingly, as if this world contained so many new things to explore, just waiting to be discovered. It was such a clash from Samesville that she almost needed to shield her eyes from the contrast, although a genuine smile was appearing on her face for the first time since that morning.

“This… this is where I’m meant to go! I’m meant to go _here!_ I’m meant to go here and make this world my own! And I’ll never be hurt or sad here; I can make this world the way I want it to be!”

_“Cool!”_ Stumpy exclaimed behind her. Kaeloo jumped a bit. She’d almost forgotten that he and Quack Quack were still there. “I want a place where I’m in charge, too!”

“Try the other door,” Kaeloo said distractedly, stepping into her grand new world.

Once inside the door and fully in the new dimension, Kaeloo couldn’t stop herself from smiling. This felt so _right_. She’d never imagined she could feel so fully at peace until this very moment. She knew instantly that this place was hers, and she would mold it and make it her own perfect—

And then she was roughly pushed forward a step or too.

“Hey, quit crowding the doorway!” Stumpy groused, trying to step into the new dimension as well, Kaeloo close enough to the door that he had to push her out of the way to get in. Quack Quack followed him serenely.

“What are you two doing?” Kaeloo asked, surprised.

Stumpy just laughed, giving Kaeloo an “are you braindead?” look. “This is a world that can be however you want it to be and you’ll always be happy here? Sign me up! I want to live in a world where I can just play video games all day and never, ever have to go back to school!”

“Stumpy, that’s not good for you,” Kaeloo admonished. “You need to go back to school.”

“Are _you_ going back to school?” Stumpy asked her knowingly.

Kaeloo’s shoulders slumped. “Um…”

“Besides, you don’t really want to be here all alone, do you? Everybody needs friends. Especially friends who want the same happy place that you do!”

“Quack,” Quack Quack agreed, giving Kaeloo one of his rare smiles.

Kaeloo sniffed and smiled back, although part of her felt horrible. Horrible for how quick she’d been to dismiss Stumpy and Quack Quack’s friendship. Because it was very clear now that they were truly her friends, the best friends she’d ever had.

“Okay,” she said warmly. “This will be our own special country. We’ll thrive here, just the three of us! Unhappiness will be unknown here. Here no one will ever be sad, or hurt… or lonely.” She stood straighter, looking back out towards her newfound home. “Nothing will ever go wrong here!”

“Sweet! And the first thing I want to do is play my video games in peace!”

“Quack,” Quack Quack said, cutting off Kaeloo who was about to once again admonish Stumpy for his video games, holding up a cup of yogurt which signified his desires for their newfound wonderland.

“This day turned out pretty good for you after all, huh, Kaeloo?” Stumpy said. “And finding a new world is the best birthday present anyone can get! Happy birthday tomorrow, by the way!”

Kaeloo winced at the pleasantry, only the knowledge of the new stomping grounds she’d found for herself not even five minutes ago (as well as reminding herself that her birthday was actually _tomorrow_) keeping her from dramatically declaring this the worst birthday ever. After everything she’d gone through, who wanted to grow older, anyway?

“No, Stumpy,” she said firmly. “There will be no birthdays here. That is my first rule. We will remain children forever.”

Both Stumpy and Quack Quack leapt for joy, Stumpy yelling “COOL!” and Quack Quack quacking “QUACK!”

“Growing old and becoming an adult is something I want nothing to do with anymore!” Kaeloo continued. “There will be no crooked governments, no bureaucracy, no taxes!”

“No school?” Stumpy asked eagerly.

“We will learn, but not in the traditional sense,” Kaeloo conceded. “We will learn through play! And there will be no room for anything that is not play, or happiness, or fun!” Her facial expression hardened with resolve. “No romance. No romance _ever!_ We’re all children here anyway; we’re too young for that.”

“That’s what I said earlier!” Stumpy exclaimed.

“All romance ever brings is awkwardness and dirty thoughts and tears, and I’ll have none of that here! No one will ever be uncomfortable here! And no one will ever be sad… or hurt. I swear to it! Unhappiness is not allowed here in…” She paused, blinking in confusion. “In, uh… gee, I wonder what this place is even called?”

“You’re in charge, right?” Stumpy said, already lounging on his back on the ground and playing a handheld video game console. “That means you get to name it!”

“Oh! Right! Hmm, let’s see…” Kaeloo paced back and forth in front of Quack Quack, whose eyes followed her questioningly. “I want a name that lets everyone know how fun and perfect this place is.” She halted in her tracks suddenly, snapping her fingers and grinning.

“I know! _Smileyland!”_


	14. A Matter of Trust

“Obviously, the cracks were beginning to show even then,” Kaeloo said with a sigh. Somehow she’d managed to get through her entire tale without transforming—without really getting angry at all, in fact. Mostly she was just surprised that she’d even told it. She never thought she’d _purposely_ bring this up, _ever_. “Stumpy and Quack Quack didn’t care about the rules, only about what made them happy—which was perfectly warranted, of course, because wasn’t that the point of Smileyland in the first place? But I was so caught up in all the rules I’d cultivated for my own benefit that I—”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Mr. Cat interrupted her. “You would have _killed yourself_ if Stumpy and Quack Quack hadn’t shown up at that moment?!”

“I… I don’t know. I might have.” Kaeloo’s shoulders sagged. “I was already in a mentally bad place, and then after everything Vincent said…”

“That’s—that’s—you wouldn’t have even found Smileyland if he hadn’t said that and they weren’t there when you got back! The only reason we even _met_ because some asshole poisoned your mind with lies and made you think that you had nothing to live for!”

Kaeloo sighed again, shaking her head. “It’s not… quite like that, Mr. Cat. He didn’t tell me anything that I didn’t already think about myself. It was like… an affirmation, not an attack. Like pulling off the blindfold that I already knew was there. And in some dark, despondent part of me, everything he said to me still rings with the truth. Please believe me,” she added hastily, taking Mr. Cat’s hands in hers again, “I do trust you, I really do, and I also acknowledge that this _can’t_ conceivably be a joke from you anymore after all the time and effort you’ve put into us, but still…” She looked away from him guiltily. “Still, if you ever left me, I… can’t say I’d be surprised.”

“You’re spewing out stupid shit again,” Mr. Cat said, frustrated. “And—no, that’s not fair, I don’t blame you for not trusting me—”

“But I do! I just said I did!”

“Not fully. But why would you? Even what you do is already too much. It’s more than I deserve.” He sighed, ashamed, looking at the ground.

Kaeloo gulped with shame as well, cursing her inability to put the best words to the things that mattered most, when it was needed most. “Please, Mr. Cat, don’t say that. You’re spewing out stupid… stuff, too. None of my issues are your fault. I was already a hot mess long before you met me.” She laughed self-effacingly at this, which was enough to get Mr. Cat to look back at her again. Kaeloo squeezed his hands tightly as she quickly continued. “It was stupid of me to try to run Smileyland with all those demanding rules. Things probably would have come tumbling down sooner or later anyway. But then you showed up and you were like a _bulldozer_ to every perfect little plan and rule I had in place. You were just what I needed, even though I would have never admitted it. I needed to know that I couldn’t control things like desires or feelings or… any of that. I couldn’t regulate them. But I still tried to, even though I had to ignore… a lot. Mostly things about you.” She chuckled lightly again. “Maybe that’s why you made me so angry all the time… you proved every idea and plan I had for Smileyland absolutely wrong, just by being there.”

“Sorry?” Mr. Cat said awkwardly.

“No, don’t be!” Kaeloo said emphatically. “I needed to learn that! Even though I repressed everything you were teaching me and making me feel because it didn’t fit into what I thought my perfect world should be. That’s why I can’t fault you for never really telling me how you felt. I never told you, either! I just pushed it all aside and never even let _myself_ think about it because everything about you went against what I thought I needed to be happy. I… really was a moron, wasn’t I?” Her chuckle this time was longer, nearly giddy. What else was there to do now other than acknowledge how stupid she’d been? “I love you. Thank you for ruining everything.”

Mr. Cat was continuing to stare at her, one eyelid twitching, as if she was speaking gibberish. She practically was at this point, Kaeloo acknowledged—although she could still do nothing but smile giddily, still clutching his hands. After all, how could her words make sense when even her _thoughts_ didn’t make any sense? As long as he grasped her happiness… her love… her gratitude… those were really the only things that mattered.

Very suddenly, Mr. Cat pulled Kaeloo towards him, grasping her shoulders tightly, although he didn’t move in all the way for a kiss. “Okay, listen,” he said roughly. “First of all, you’re never going to let some jackass try to tell you that you’re unlovable or good for nothing but a practical joke ever again, alright? That is some straight-up bullshit and I won’t let you believe it, even if it’s only some tiny part of your subconscious that does. You’re worth so much more than that and knowing now that that’s what you had to go through to arrive at Smileyland, then I wish I never found you at all because you didn’t deserve any of that, and if I’m all you get at the end of all that, I’m not worth—”

_“Shut up!”_ Kaeloo shrieked. “You _are_ worth it! I really, really _love you!_ After everything I’ve been through, I’d still go through it a thousand more times if it means ending up with you! And if I did have to do it all again, all I’d change is that I’d tell you how I feel about you way before, you know, yesterday…”

She couldn’t say anything more after that because he was kissing her. Wildly, passionately, gratefully, one thousand percent adoringly, and she happily surrendered her words to expressing her love physically. No matter how she expressed herself, he’d _always_ understood her, even better than she understood herself, and it was for this reason that she’d go through an eternity of hell and suffering just to be with him. Her only regret was that she hadn’t realized this sooner.

As intense as their kisses were, their hands moved across each other’s body slowly, as if fearful of breaking some spell. Even at this unhurried pace, however, their hands soon found themselves below their waists, hesitantly eager and expectant. “Are we going to make love?” Kaeloo asked breathlessly.

Mr. Cat lightly rolled his eyes at her, an action not enough to weaken his smile. “Yes,” he answered simply, pulling her into another kiss.

“We should go on the bed, then,” Kaeloo said into his mouth.

“If you insist,” Mr. Cat said with a smirk, gently guiding her to the bed. Kaeloo plopped down on it eagerly and brought her hands back to his face, kissing him and trying to pull him down on top of her. He stood firm against her actions, however.

“Honey, you don’t need to hesitate, I’m not fragile,” Kaeloo said coaxingly.

Mr. Cat sighed, still giving her a half-smile, but one that was tinged with an obvious melancholy. “At least you trust me to not break you.”

Kaeloo frowned, disappointed. “Mr. Cat, I already told you that I trust you…”

“That you _mostly_ trust me.” He sighed again, stroking her cheek in a comforting motion. “Just… tell me what I have to do to earn your complete trust. I know it’s probably a lost cause, but if there’s anything I can do…”

Kaeloo shook her head. “I don’t think there is. Just time. Every day I’m with you I trust you more and more. And I already trust you more than anyone else in the universe.”

This made Mr. Cat finally smile again, finally leaning in to her coaxes and kissing her gently. “Just know this, my love—I won’t break your heart. And I’ll never leave you. I _couldn’t._ Whether or not you truly believe that… it’s still true.”

“Ahh…” Kaeloo sighed into his mouth, wrapping her arms around him fiercely and protectively. She didn’t want to hammer the point into the ground, as it seemed she was doing the more she vocalized it, but there was nothing else she wanted to say or felt that she needed to say, and her words were frenzied whispers into him, coaxing him and pleading him to continue. “I love you, I love you, I—“

“Shh.” Mr. Cat placed a hand on her mouth, giving her just one more gentle kiss that almost felt like a tease. “I love you too. Let me show you how much.”

She was ready for this, longing for this, and she eagerly pulled his lips to hers once more to inform him of that fact. But, to her surprise, he didn’t reciprocate in kind, instead firmly and stoically allowing her affection yet giving her nothing else in return. He certainly _was_ teasing her now, wasn’t he? After everything he’d done and said, this was how he regarded her? “What are you doing?” Kaeloo blurted out disbelievingly. “You love me _slowly?”_

“Yes,” Mr. Cat answered simply, with a smug smirk, “…and also, I love you like this.”

With a sudden, unexpected movement, he pushed her down onto the bed, peppering her with kisses and suckles everywhere on her face and neck. “I—I knew it, you tease!” Kaeloo gasped out, her attempt at being reprimanding failing as soon as the words left her mouth, for they did so with a gasp of approving pleasure at his bravado.

“See, babe?” Mr. Cat purred into her neck, his hands slinking down her torso once more. “You make me feel _everything_. I want you to feel the same way. I want you to know exactly what you do to me.”

“You already make me feel everything,” Kaeloo admitted, arching her body towards him in eager anticipation. “Don’t let that stop you from what you have in mind right now, of course…”

“Absolutely not.” Kaeloo couldn’t see his mouth, but she could still feel the smile on her flesh with his words. He trailed kisses down her body and Kaeloo groaned impatiently, continuing to arch her body against him, part of her loving the attentive devotion he was giving her, but yet another part of her wishing he’d stop teasing her and get on with it already.

Despite her impatience, however, she made herself concentrate on her body, a practice that Dr. Clark had encouraged in her. Her natural inclination was to ignore it and then, counterintuitively, it did what it would on its own despite Kaeloo’s wishes for control; so lately she’d been making herself focus on every little physical clue her body sent to her brain. The most surprising thing regarding this was that, despite the fact that she never would have believed it before now, she was trying to concentrate on expressing both sexual organs every time. Her dislike for her penis was nearly excised by now; Mr. Cat obviously liked it, and she loved that she could make him happy with it, so for the first time in her life she found herself actually _hoping_ for it to be there.

And her hopes were realized. “Both again?” Mr. Cat purred approvingly as his hand reached her pelvic region. “Double the fun.” He kissed her belly slowly and languidly and Kaeloo moaned longingly, once again arching her back upwards with yearning. He answered her need in a way she wasn’t expecting.

His mouth, already resting on her lower torso, slid even further down and covered her shaft, one of his hands slipping into her vagina at the same time.

Kaeloo gasped and buckled under the delirium of the sensation.

Mr. Cat pulled his mouth off of her for an agonizing moment. “You taste good, babe,” he murmured approvingly, flicking his tongue against the tip of her penis before taking it fully into his mouth again, suckling gently. Kaeloo nearly fell apart. The trace of his sharp teeth against her erection, while careful and gentle, was enough to shoot shockwaves through her entire body, buckling against him once more while desperately wanting a rougher sensation against one of her most sensitive organs. Mr. Cat only barely acquiesced her, sucking and lapping against her long, hard length, yet never going too rough with her, letting his teeth merely graze the length of her.

“O-oh _goodness,”_ she breathed, her hips bucking against his mouth in time with his suckles. They weren’t even conscious actions, despite the fact that she could focus on absolutely nothing else other than the way it felt to have his mouth around her. She couldn’t stop herself from fucking his mouth, even if she wanted to. _Oh good God!_ She’d actually used the word “fuck”! Not out loud, of course, but it had unmistakably fluttered right into her thought processes like a familiar guest. She’d obviously spent far too much time with Mr. Cat. And then he flicked his tongue at her tip and she moaned approvingly—no, no, even eternity would never be enough time spent with him.

He pulled away from her completely, pulling his hand out of her vagina at the same time. “You like that _too much,” _he said as he climbed on top of her. “I can tell that you were close to coming.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Kaeloo squeaked out.

“I’m not ready for you to be done yet.” He smiled at her, kissing her softly on the lips before rearing back upright, rubbing his erection and positioning it for entry. “I want to go slowly this time.”

“Wait!” Kaeloo cried out before he could enter her. Mr. Cat stopped, blinking once in surprise.

Very quickly and forcefully, Kaeloo sat upright and shoved Mr. Cat down on his back, grasping the base of his cock. “I want to try that.” Her tongue flicked out of her mouth, and even though her mouth was not terribly close to him, being a frog meant that her tongue was long and agile enough to lap the tip of his penis from her position.

Mr. Cat exhaled sharply, the tenseness of his surprise now fully excised from his expression and shoulders. _“Holy shit!_ Yes. Yes, more of that, please.”

Kaeloo smiled, flicking her tongue out again, this time letting it wrap around him for a few moments. Mr. Cat let out a loud groan of approval, and Kaeloo moved the very tip of her tongue to lap up and down the small area that it could, given the placement of the rest of her tongue covering up quite a bit of his length. That was quite fine with Kaeloo, however—she was bombarded with the taste of him and she loved it, wanting nothing more than to soak up all of his slick, musky flavor. The barbs on his penis only enhanced the sensation, her tongue moving in for more every time it raked against them.

The situation seemed to be quite fine with Mr. Cat as well. “More,” he begged her after her tongue unwrapped itself from him and snapped back to her own mouth.

“That _was_ enjoyable,” Kaeloo said, licking her lips, “but I want you in my _mouth_. The entire length of you.”

Mr. Cat grinned at her approvingly. “Look at you, talking dirty like a pro. I knew you had it in you.”

“Yes, well,” Kaeloo responded, suddenly feeling emboldened, “there’s something else I want in me.” She leaned down over him and took his entire penis into her mouth, sucking up and down the length with a careful trial run.

“Oohhhhh _fuck yes,”_ Mr. Cat groaned, slumping down even more into the mattress in a blissful haze. “Continue, please…”

“Mmm-hmm,” Kaeloo consented, not able to say much else with his cock filling up her mouth the way it was. After the state he had been in yesterday and first thing this morning, she was overjoyed to have finally made him feel better… and of course, the method to do so being sex certainly drew no complaints from her, either. She suckled on him with precise, careful movements, trying to mimic what he had just done on hers, because oh goodness that had felt so good and she wanted him to feel that way too.

Her meticulousness ebbed little by little, however, for with each new position of her mouth or area she gave attention to, Mr. Cat reacted favorably, and Kaeloo in turn was spurred on by this appreciation. Soon, and without her quite realizing that she had been heading in this direction, she was sucking and bobbing on his erection with great aplomb.

Mr. Cat grabbed Kaeloo’s shoulder and tried to push her off of him. “Kaeloo—Kaeloo—stop, you need to stop—”

Kaeloo pulled her mouth away, trying to mask the disappointment in her voice. “Why do you say that?”

“I don’t—I don’t want to come in your mouth, and if you’d kept that up much longer…”

“I’d like for you to come in my mouth,” Kaeloo admitted truthfully.

Mr. Cat exhaled with that same surprised and approving smile from earlier. “I would like that too… but not right now. I want to finish in the usual place.”

Kaeloo grinned eagerly, clenching her thighs and rocking her hips back and forth as her vagina seemed to be one hundred percent endorsing this idea.

Mr. Cat’s eyebrows twitched upwards just once, in the slightest show of impatience. “Either lie on your back or get on top of me.”

Choosing the latter, Kaeloo scrambled on top of him, as usual lacking a basic amount of poise that seemed necessary in a situation like this. Mr. Cat didn’t look like he minded, though, as he continued to smile at her, resting his hands on her hips. “Good choice,” he purred.

Kaeloo didn’t say anything to that, directing all of her focus to the task at hand. With one hand, she held his erection steady as she lowered herself on to him, not wanting to prolong this any further.

Mr. Cat made a low noise of approval from his throat, but the hand that remained on her hip tightened slightly. “Slowly,” he requested in a low voice, his other hand wrapping around her own very hard and erect shaft.

In all honesty the way his voice sounded just then almost made her come right then and there. “If you wanted to be the one calling the shots, why did you want me on top?” she asked slyly, leaning over just a smidge so that her hand could grasp his shoulder with a rather tight squeeze. He flinched at the motion while at the same time breaking into a grin, which was just the reaction Kaeloo had wanted.

“Ohoho,” Mr. Cat laughed at her, tauntingly rubbing his thumb against the tip of her penis. “I can try to call the shots all I want, but I know that you’ll end up in charge anyway, my love. It’s better to just surrender to your whims. Do what you want with me. I’m yours for the taking.”

Kaeloo groaned helplessly, riding his cock with much stronger and more urgent gyrations. “Oh my god, you turn me on so much!” she cried, abandoning all attempts at restraint, forcing the movements to stimulate both of their erections simultaneously. “I just want you to love me and come all over inside of me and make me dizzy!”

Mr. Cat, through all his moaning and vocalizations of ecstasy, still managed to shoot Kaeloo a defiant look. “I’m going to make you come first.”

“Is that a challenge, Mr. Cat?”

“It certainly is, Kaeloo.”

“I’ll win.” Kaeloo picked up her pace, grinding against him without mercy, still gripping his shoulder for ballast. Her cries and yelps of pleasure were now just as loud as his were, despite her declaration to him the other day that she wouldn’t let anyone else hear their intimate activities. Of course, even if she had been silent as the grave, anyone within fifty feet of their door would have still heard him.

It was only when she felt him unload into her that she finally let herself go, riding her climax with a satisfied cry, not really noticing nor caring where her ejaculate landed on him. She had lasted longer than him—only by like a second, true, but it was still a victory. She sighed in satisfaction as her cum pooled on his chest. “I—I win,” she gasped.

“N-no, I won. You came first,” Mr. Cat argued.

“In your dreams.”

“Usually, but not in this instance…” He snorted lightly at her, his chest still heaving up and down in recovery. “So much for ‘slowly’, you horny little cock whore.”

Kaeloo barked out a harsh laugh; with her orgasm drawing to a close, a fuller realization of their actions began to take hold. “That wasn’t making love, was it?”

“Of course it was, baby.” Mr. Cat let go of her penis and brought his hand up to stroke her face. “Any time we’re intimate, we’re making love. There’s no denying that, especially now that we’ve said it out loud.”

“Do… do you think we have sex too much?”

Mr. Cat regarded her as if she had seven heads. _“No._ What the hell kind of question is that? _Is_ there such a thing as ‘too much sex’?”

“I hope not,” Kaeloo blurted out without thinking. She then blushed fiercely at Mr. Cat’s approving grin. “I—I mean, it’s just that—” She instinctively brought a hand to his chest affectionately, but when said hand was met with her own sticky ejaculate, she withdrew it quickly. “I should clean this up,” she stammered out, pulling off of him with that delightfully raw sensation and stumbling to the bathroom to grab a towel. Once back in the main room, she dabbed at his chest before wiping her crotch, trying to use separate sections of the towel. Mr. Cat continued to smile at her, enraptured, and Kaeloo couldn’t stop the grateful tears from spilling out of her eyes. “I—I’m so relieved that you’re feeling better,” she blubbered out, tossing the soiled towel behind her, knowing that it could do no more at the moment. “You had me so worried yesterday…”

Mr. Cat winced a bit at this, but still didn’t hesitate to touch a hand to her face reassuringly. “I’m better now,” he said, a gentle stroke against her face accentuating his words, “thanks to you.”

Kaeloo gave a reassured giggle at that, lying back down on top of him. “I’m glad. That’s all that I wanted…” Her smile faded. “Can you… tell me… what was wrong yesterday? What was it that… made you that way?”

Another wince, but this time Mr. Cat didn’t follow it up with a smile or a loving gesture. “I… no. I—I don’t want to talk about it.” He looked away from her guiltily. “Not right now, anyway.”

“That’s alright,” Kaeloo insisted, pressing her forehead against him.

“Someday I will, I promise. You told me yours, it’s only fair that I tell you mine…” Mr. Cat pointedly kept his head turned away from her. “But not… not now. I’m sorry. I can’t. It’s just… my past, it’s too—”

“It’s fine,” Kaeloo insisted once more, squeezing his hands reassuringly. “You don’t need to say any more if you don’t want to.”

“Stop being so goddamn understanding,” Mr. Cat said with a self-effacing chuckle. “It’s more than I deserve.”

“No it’s not. I lo—”

_“Stop.”_ Mr. Cat brought a paw to her mouth, silencing her. “Let me say it first this time, alright?” He gazed into her eyes for a few moments, seeming to struggle to find the words, although Kaeloo couldn’t focus on anything other than his intense ruby irises. “I… _dammit._ I love you. I love you so fucking much it hurts sometimes. I can’t put it into words. I think I’m better at showing it than saying it. And I’m even shit at _that.”_

What hurdle had they crossed so that Kaeloo was no longer bothered by his curse words? Because she wasn’t. She just smiled warmly, touching her forehead to his again. “No you’re not. I’ve known that you love me for, like, a week now.”

“Then you’ve just proved my point,” Mr. Cat said with a sarcastic exhale, lovingly stroking the side of her face, “because I’ve loved you for _way_ longer than a week.”

Kaeloo laughed too, despite herself. “That’s no fault of your own. I’m just stupid.” She laid against him for a few moments as his arms wrapped around her body, a gentle silence overtaking the two lovers for a much-needed reprieve. “That’s why…” Kaeloo finally said, hesitatingly, “that’s why I need you to tell me what I should do if you ever get… that way again.”

“Aw, babe,” Mr. Cat sighed, pulling away from her to look her in the eyes again, once again bringing a hand to her chin. “You already did more than I thought anyone ever could. Just be there. That’s all you can do. I’ll be alright as long as you’re there.”

Kaeloo smiled again. “Alright. I’ll be there for you whenever you need me. I… I love you too. A whole lot. I just want to make you happy, that’s all I want…”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Mr. Cat assured her, pulling her in again for a tender embrace.

They held each other for a few moments, Kaeloo continuing to smile almost disbelievingly as she buried her face into his shoulder. There she was, the freak, the weirdo, the unlovable moron who deserved nothing more than to be the butt of a joke, and she had somehow found love with the person for whom she’d fallen the absolute hardest. What the hell did he even see in her, anyway? Why was he still here, after all he’d been put through thanks to her? Right now, she didn’t want to dwell on any of that. She just wanted to love him and have him love her, damn any contradictory reasons that could muddle any of that.

“Hey, babe…” His voice rumbled low and sensual against her ear, and Kaeloo shivered at it. “What time is it?”

Kaeloo pulled her face away from him to turn around and look at the digital clock on the stove. “It’s… eight thirty-eight…” Her voice trailed off in surprise, for she had read this time not on the small digital clock, but on a large analog one hanging near the door.

“I need to get out of this habit of waking up so friggin’ early,” Mr. Cat mumbled to himself.

“Mr. Cat, where did that clock come from?” Kaeloo asked, ignoring his lament.

“Hmm?” He followed her gaze. “Oh, that one? I bought it.”

“And did you buy all this other stuff, too?” Kaeloo moved off of him and motioned to the wall, where a computer, stacks of DVDs, and a couple of extra bazookas that she didn’t recognize were all perched atop an equally unfamiliar desk, pushed up against an equally unfamiliar couch.

“Sheesh.” Mr. Cat rolled his eyes lightly, sitting upright on the bed. _“Now_ you notice. Your timing is horrendous, do you know that?”

“I noticed before, I just never asked because I let myself get…” Kaeloo blushed slightly. “Distracted.”

“Aw, I didn’t distract you enough this time to make you keep ignoring them?”

“Where did you get the money for all this?”

“I didn’t buy all of them. Or even most of them. Most of them I just acquired.”

_“Acquired?!”_ Kaeloo repeated disbelievingly. “Did you _steal_ all of this?!”

“No, for crying out loud!” Mr. Cat clarified quickly. “I got them in Smileyland.” As Kaeloo continued to gape at him, he added with an abashed chuckle, “Because, you know, it’s super easy to just summon whatever you want there. Physical things, at least. And this apartment… well, it needed a few things.”

Kaeloo clicked her tongue against her teeth, relieved that he hadn’t actually been robbing places in New Cross City while she was away, but still feeling a bit troubled over the whole thing. “That kind of feels like cheating,” she admitted.

_“A-ha!”_ Mr. Cat crowed triumphantly, pointing a finger at Kaeloo. “I _knew_ you were going to say that!” There was another pause as Kaeloo continued to not say anything, just regard the acquisitions thoughtfully. “Are you angry?” he finally asked, a little too hopefully.

“I… don’t know… I guess not,” Kaeloo admitted with a shrug. “I feel like I should be, but then again… you’re probably right. We could use all of this, and getting it in Smileyland is the most convenient way to get it.”

“Aw, come on,” Mr. Cat said, unable to hide the slight disappointment in his voice. “At least _pretend_ to be angry at me?”

“Alright…” Kaeloo smirked playfully. “How _dare_ you, Mr. Cat?! How _dare_ you go out and take advantage of Smileyland in such a way? I am so, _so_ angry at you!”

Mr. Cat snorted dismissively. “Weak.”

“Actually, I’m more upset that you went to Smileyland without me. How are things there?”

“They’re alright.” Mr. Cat shrugged. “Everything looks about the same. Stumpy and Quack Quack say hi.”

“Are they doing alright, on their own?”

“They’re not really on their own—which is their misfortune, of course.” Mr. Cat chuckled. “But really, if this is just coming from your maternal worry of them, then there’s no need. They’re doing fine.”

“I still miss them, though,” Kaeloo admitted, frowning. “They are my oldest friends, after all… and the ones I feel the most responsible for…”

“I’m not the one you feel the most responsible for?” Mr. Cat asked in mock surprise. “Or did you just give up on me as a lost cause?” He winked at her.

Kaeloo giggled and gave him a fond shove on the shoulder. “Oh, honestly, honey. You were never someone I had to mentor.” Her smile faded slightly as she bit her lip in thought. “Maybe I should go visit Smileyland today… I have the day off from classes and I’m not meeting with Dr. Clark again until Thursday. While I’m at it, I should visit my parents, too…”

“Sounds good,” Mr. Cat said amiably. “I can get more stuff in Smileyland. And maybe your mom can make that tuna salad again, because _damn_, that was good.”

Kaeloo shook her head, though, surprising herself by feeling displeasure towards the idea. “But no, I don’t want to go to Smileyland or Samesville today. I don’t want to go _anywhere_. I just want to relax here with you and enjoy my day off and not do anything.”

“That’s dumb,” Mr. Cat countered instantly. “You’ve got to do _something_. Even if it’s just watching trashy TV all day.”

Kaeloo barked out a self-effacing laugh. “And that’s just the kind of thing I want to do. That, and…” She looked over at Mr. Cat’s collection of stuff. “Do you have board games in there? Or playing cards? I want to play a game today, just with you… something just light and fun like that. It’s been a rather emotional twenty-four hours for both of us, and right now I just want a breather.”

“Say no more, froggy.” Mr. Cat stood up and moved over towards his accumulation, looking it over carefully. “I believe there are a few things contained herein that you will deem acceptable for your casual plans for the day. While I’m gathering them, why don’t you get some breakfast, pretty lady?” He smiled flirtatiously at her.

Kaeloo also grinned at that, leaping off the side of the bed. “I’ll make pancakes for both of us! Because a happy day needs a happy, yummy start!”

“We already had a happy start,” Mr. Cat said to her, still with his suggestive smirk. “And maybe we’ll have a happy ending, too?”

Kaeloo flushed just a little bit, aware of his double entendre, yet still taking great comfort in the more traditional meaning of his words.

“I’m sure we will!”


	15. Appropriate Given the Circumstances

It was a few days later, and the large analog clock on the wall signified the noon hour as Mr. Cat stood at the kitchen counter, biting his lip in concentration as he stirred together tuna and mayonnaise in a large mixing bowl.

He and Kaeloo had finally gone to Smileyland together the day before, and had even joined Stumpy and Quack Quack in a game of prison ball, just for old time’s sake. Of course, Mr. Cat had taken the opportunity to attack (and dismember) Quack Quack as much as he possibly could, and much to his delight Kaeloo had transformed and beaten him up for his transgressions. It was only as they were leaving Smileyland that Kaeloo admitted to him that she hadn’t _really_ been angry at him; she had been expecting him to do something like that, in fact, and was able to transform not from any real sense of rage but from simply an unspoken expectation that she was able to identify and control. Her pride in her accomplishment shone through in her wide smile as she told him this, and Mr. Cat could only grin back affectionately. _That’s my girl._

They had then gone to Samesville to visit with Kaeloo’s parents again. Kaeloo was not quite as cheerful here, admitting to her parents the hardships she was facing in her career readiness classes. Her parents were supportive and encouraging, relating tales to her about how they had struggled to succeed in their youths, which raised Kaeloo’s spirits considerably. They didn’t stay for dinner, but Mr. Cat did ask Sherrie for her tuna salad recipe, which she happily gave to him.

And that’s what he was referring to for the next day’s lunchtime, carefully adding the precise amount of oregano, Dijon mustard, and celery that the recipe instructed, in order to get it just right.

Kaeloo was at her class again, from which she wouldn’t return for a few hours. While she was gone, Mr. Cat was content to do his own thing—be that his own, erm, “side gig” of smooth-talking and selling random crap to the citizens of New Cross City… or, conversely, and what he was focusing on today, acting as the househusband. Or apartmenthusband, as it were.

Perhaps someday he’d take those same classes Kaeloo was, and attend sessions with her shrink as well. But… not now. It was a huge leap of faith to open up so much to a professional like that. And he lacked the courage Kaeloo had to do so. Part of him hated himself for it, of course. How she did all this work to support them and he couldn’t make the steps towards legitimate adulthood like she did. But, on the other hand… he could take care of the apartment. He could clean and make the food and buy the groceries and do all those things while she was gone so that she didn’t have to worry about them herself. It might not be much, but at least he could be good for something.

The tuna salad now thoroughly mixed, Mr. Cat dipped a finger into it and took a taste. Hmm. Pretty good. Not as good as how Sherrie made it, but not bad either. It would make a good lunch for him before tidying up his messes and maybe cleaning the kitchen again—a testament to how much use it was getting from him lately, for it needed cleaning more often than before.

But then, abruptly, the door to the apartment was flung open. Kaeloo stood in the doorway, her wide eyes desperate and desolate.

“Babe? What are you doing back so early?” Mr. Cat asked, surprised both at her sudden presence and her obvious distressed state.

Kaeloo stared at him for a few moments, lower lip trembling, before suddenly breaking out into a loud, sorrowful wail. _“Oh, Mr. Cat!” _she sobbed, tears gushing from her eyes.

Mr. Cat immediately set the mixing bowl on the kitchen counter and went to her, touching his hands to hers comfortingly. “What’s going on? What’s the matter?”

Kaeloo continued to wail for a few more moments, her sobs too great for any words to get through. Finally, with great difficulty, she gasped out, “You can’t stay here!”

Mr. Cat stared at her, nonplussed. “Uh… come again?”

Kaeloo’s words were still punctuated with loud, heaving sobs. “I went… to the housing office, to… to show them my progress report, and I got to talking with the housing officer… you know, like I do… and I… I mentioned you…” Kaeloo broke down again, weeping into her hands. “He said you can’t live here!”

“What?” Mr. Cat spluttered. “Why not?”

“Because…” Kaeloo tried to compose herself, with only small amounts of success. “Because he said that these apartments are only… are only for people who are the recipients of social services… only them and their dependents… no roommates! He said… he said only a spouse or… or children could live here with me…” She wiped at her eyes despondently. “He said you have twenty-four hours to leave.”

“Aw, screw that,” Mr. Cat said with a nonchalant shrug. Her explanation had completely excised any confusion or even worry from him, which seemed to completely flummox Kaeloo. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Don’t you understand, Mr. Cat? He said you can’t—”

“No, don’t _you_ understand that we have been given an extremely simple solution?” Mr. Cat countered, giving another light shrug. “Let’s go get married.”

Kaeloo blinked rapidly, her eyes still wide with surprise. “But… but I’m nowhere near finished even planning our wedding, let alone—”

“I didn’t say let’s have a wedding. I said let’s get married. You don’t need to have a wedding to get married.”

“You… don’t?”

“Of course not. All you have to do is go down to the marriage license office, make a few vows in front of a judge there, and sign some paperwork, and bam! Shackled for eternity with your special someone, no need for flowers or wedding bells.”

Kaeloo continued to regard him with stupefaction, actually cocking her head a bit to the side. Impatient, Mr. Cat sighed. “Look, I’m not going anywhere. And it looks like our only options that don’t involve either one of us getting in trouble is that you either marry me, or adopt me. And if you adopt me, there’s going to be some really messed up oedipal shit going on between us. You shouldn’t be my mother. But… you can be my wife. You _should_ be. So let’s just go and do it. Let’s legitimize this and clear it with those bigwigs in the office. We can have that big wedding you want later. You can have plenty of time to agonize over all those little details without having to worry about the big picture, because we’ll have already taken care of it. It’ll be super easy. Let’s get married today.”

Kaeloo blinked a few more times before a shaky, roguish smile cracked through. “M-Mr. Cat, if you’re going to propose to me, do it properly!”

“Propose?” Mr. Cat repeated, confused. “We’re already engaged, what more do I need to propose other than going down to the office and just getting it done today?”

“Get down on one knee and sweep me off my feet—metaphorically, of course!”

“You’re not going to say yes until I do?”

Kaeloo shook her head, still smiling.

“Fine, I’ll play your game.” Mr. Cat dropped to one knee, grasping Kaeloo’s right hand in both of his. “Kaeloo, darling, love of my life, my light in the darkness, upon being faced with this horrible injustice that is the social services of this city threatening to tear us apart, please do me the honor of proceeding with me to the office wherein licenses are issued to couples such as us, merely wishing to spend an eternity with whom they love most out of everyone and everything else in the world.”

“Come on, honey,” Kaeloo chided, although she was still smiling and a fierce blush engulfed her face, “say it like you mean it.”

“That’s the thing, though—I _do_ mean it, every word of it. But if you want it in layman’s terms, then try this: please marry me today. I’ll be a good husband and I’ll love you forever.” He squeezed her hand affectionately. “Do I need to continue, or is that sufficient?”

“That’s… that’s sufficient. Yes, I will marry you today!” Kaeloo fell down and embraced him, laughing joyously and letting her tears, now happy ones, wet his shoulder.

Mr. Cat felt his heart glow. He kissed the side of her face fondly as he wrapped his arms around her. “Shall we go now?” he asked her.

Kaeloo continued to laugh with glee, squeezing him tightly one more time before pulling away to look him in the eyes, a happy smile shining through her tears. “Yes, let’s go. Let’s get married!”

…

The office that issued marriage licenses was in the same building where Kaeloo’s classes were and where she met with her housing officer. Kaeloo was a bit surprised at how well Mr. Cat was able to navigate the building, despite never having set foot in it until now. In what felt like no time at all, he’d found the room with “MARRIAGE LICENSES” marked above the door, and he placed his hand on the door handle, turning to Kaeloo expectantly. “Are you ready?” he asked her.

Kaeloo gulped nervously, but nodded, an eager smile still splayed across her face. “Yes,” she assured him.

“Then let’s do this.” Mr. Cat smiled reassuringly at her before turning the handle and opening the door to the office.

The room was simple, with a few desks spread throughout and another door in the back labeled “COURTROOM”, the beige color of the walls giving off an unobtrusive, inviting tone. Kaeloo gulped again as she took a step inside, trying to steady her nerves.

It had not been in her plans when she’d awoken this morning to get married that day. Perhaps if it had been, she’d prepared herself more for the giant step she was about to take. As it was, this was all so sudden that she could barely believe she was actually there. This felt more like a game than reality. Getting married couldn’t be as easy as simply walking into a courtroom and signing some papers, could it?

Only one of the desks was staffed at the moment, and there was already a couple in line, two female ferrets. As Kaeloo and Mr. Cat approached the desk to wait in line, they heard the conclusion of the clerk’s words to the couple. “…have two witnesses to sign the marriage license?”

Both ferrets’ faces fell despondently. “We don’t have any witnesses,” the one with darker fur said.

Mr. Cat turned to Kaeloo, also looking a bit disheartened. “Guess we’ll have to go to Smileyland and bring Stumpy and Quack Quack here.”

But Kaeloo barely heard him, stepping forward boldly before he’d even finished his sentence. “We’ll be your witnesses!” she announced, causing both ferrets and the clerk to turn to regard her with surprise. “On one condition—that you be witnesses to our marriage!” She grabbed Mr. Cat by the hand and pulled him closer to her.

The two ferrets’ faces broke into relieved smiles. “Oh, that’s so kind of you!” the darker furred one said. “Thank you so much! And yes, we’ll return the favor and be your witnesses!” She jumped forward and gave Kaeloo a quick, grateful hug. “My name is Rosemary, by the way, and this is my fiancée Octavia!”

“You’ll be trading in ‘fiancée’ for ‘wife’ in just a little bit!” Kaeloo exclaimed. She let go of Rosemary and back towards Mr. Cat, beaming proudly. “I’m Kaeloo, and this is Mr. Cat!”

“Are you really planning on calling your husband ‘mister’?” Octavia asked.

Kaeloo laughed at that, first confusedly, then awkwardly, then finally trailing off into uncertainty.

Mr. Cat shrugged at that, also rather awkwardly. “She can call me whatever she wants,” he said, “and I don’t expect something like marriage to change her naming preferences. Isn’t that right, froggy?” He winked at her.

The clerk, still seated at his desk, cleared his throat politely, drawing the others’ attention. “Well, you’re all in luck,” he told them, procuring another marriage form and setting it on his desk. “Judge Miller is having a slow day and he’ll be able to marry both of you couples, and if you’re acting as each other’s witnesses, then you might as well all go in together. So, erm… Kaeloo and Mr. Cat, could you step forward to the front of my desk, please? There’s just a few things we have to do.”

“Of course!” Kaeloo bounded forward, still pulling Mr. Cat along with her (who, to be fair, wasn’t hesitant at all, but simply needed more time to process the request than Kaeloo had given him).

“Alright,” said the clerk. “Both of you, please raise your right hands in the air. Do you swear to tell the truth and answer all questions to the best of your ability?”

Kaeloo blanched. She hadn’t been aware this was going to proceed like a police interrogation. “Em… yes,” she finally said awkwardly.

It was now Mr. Cat’s turn to be the more composed of the two. “I swear,” he said, quite seriously.

“Have either of you ever been married before, even if under a different name?”

Kaeloo barked out a laugh at that, despite herself. The question just seemed so ridiculous to her. Her, _married_? It was ridiculous enough that she was even getting married at _all_ right now. “No, of course not,” she said through her giggles.

Mr. Cat rolled his eyes at her. “Would you stop fooling around?” Turning to the clerk, he answered with a firm “No.”

“Are you both capable of legal consent, ie being of sound mind and over the age of eighteen?”

“Um, my mind’s pretty sound, I guess…” Kaeloo said, feeling a bit unsure. “Yes?”

Mr. Cat paused a bit at this question too. “Does ‘over eighteen’ mean the _day_ after your eighteenth birthday or later, or the _year_ after?”

The clerk’s eyebrows rose slightly, clearly doing his best to hide his impatience. “The day. A better way to word it would be ‘are you at least eighteen years old?’”

“That conveys a completely different concept than what you originally asked,” Mr. Cat shot back. “But if that’s what we’re going with, then yes, I am at least eighteen years old. And of sound mind. For the most part.” He smirked darkly at that.

“Mr. Cat,” Kaeloo whispered to him, “weren’t you just telling _me_ to stop fooling around? Stop fooling around!”

“And finally,” the clerk continued quickly, apparently trying to cut them off before they devolved into more nonsense, “do you have two witnesses to sign the marriage license?”

“Yes!” Kaeloo and Mr. Cat blurted out in unison, Kaeloo accentuating her exclamation by motioning behind her to Rosemary and Octavia.

“Very well.” The clerk handed a form to them. “Please print your names in the spaces provided on the top of the form. Don’t sign it yet, though; you’ll sign it after you’ve made your vows in the presence of the judge. Ladies, I have a copy for you to fill out too,” he added, addressing the two ferrets, who quickly moved forward to the desk to insert their names to their own document.

“You can go first,” Kaeloo said to Rosemary as she carefully wrote her name on her form. “You got here before we did, after all.”

“Thank you,” Rosemary said with a smile, handing her pen to Octavia after filling in her name. Kaeloo, after examining her name carefully to make sure it looked absolutely perfect and presentable, handed the pen to Mr. Cat.

“Did you think you spelled it wrong?” Mr. Cat asked her slyly, scribbling in his own moniker in an only barely readable scrawl.

“I just wanted to make sure it looked good,” Kaeloo countered.

“Alright then,” said the clerk. “That takes care of everything on my end. You may enter the chambers now.”

Octavia eagerly grabbed the form belonging to her and Rosemary and bounded with her through the courtroom doors. Taking their own form from the desk, Mr. Cat held out a hand to Kaeloo invitingly. “Are you ready?”

“I… I guess so.” Kaeloo gulped, forcing a smile. “I guess I just wish I’d had a little more time to prepare for this…”

Mr. Cat lightly rolled his eyes at her. “Oh sure, more time to stress out over all the details so that by the time the big day came you’d just be a complete wreck.” He gave her an encouraging smile. “This way is better. We’ll be done and married before you even know it. You won’t even have _time_ to get stressed.”

“I’m already stressed.”

“Are you getting cold feet?” Mr. Cat tried desperately to not look concerned, but Kaeloo could read him too well.

“No,” she assured him. “I just—I just wanted this to be perfect. And this is all happening so fast and so sudden that I… I feel like I have no control over it. What if something goes wrong?”

“It won’t.” Mr. Cat glanced towards the open doors with expedience. “Although it will if we don’t go in there soon. We’re supposed to be witnesses to the ferrets’ wedding, remember?”

“Oh! Yes!” The reminder of her duty was enough to overpower any feelings of inadequacy she was struggling with—she owed it to Rosemary and Octavia to march through those doors with Mr. Cat.

And taking his hand, she did so, neither one of them looking back.

…

Despite all the years she’d desperately tried to suppress it, there was no denying the truth—Kaeloo was a hopeless romantic.

And while she’d never have believed it if you’d told her before today, but even in this formal setting she could feel herself tearing up while Rosemary and Octavia recited their vows to each other and were pronounced married by the elderly, amiable Judge Miller.

True love… how could one not get choked up at such a beautiful display of it?

Indeed, she was such an emotional, blubbering mess that she could barely sign her name on the space provided for the witness’s signature on the wedding certificate. But somehow she managed.

How she managed to hold it together for her _own_ marriage ceremony, therefore, was really anyone’s guess.

Mr. Cat, as usual, was the calm and composed one. Whereas Kaeloo had stumbled and giggled nervously through her repetitions of the legal vows, Mr. Cat had remained cool and unflappable, presenting himself as if he had been preparing for this day his entire life. This made Kaeloo feel even more self-conscious, unable to focus on anything other than how far short she fell of his proficiency, but somehow she’d managed to say the right things at the right time, and before she knew it the judge was pronouncing them married, they may now kiss, and Mr. Cat silenced any doubts she had by pulling her close and solidifying the union with the requested action, and the newly married Rosemary and Octavia’s enthusiastic applause cemented the deal.

And just like that, they were married.

After the needed signatures and notarizations, and the congratulatory pleasantries exchanged between the two newlywed couples, Mr. Cat and Kaeloo found themselves standing outside of the marriage office door, Kaeloo clutching the signed and officially sealed marriage certificate in her hands gingerly, as if she was afraid it would crumble at her touch. “I… I can’t believe we did that!” she breathed.

“See, I told you it would be easy,” Mr. Cat said with a shrug.

Kaeloo peered over at him. “So… now what?”

Mr. Cat looked away from her, directing his focus down the hallway. “We should—”

“We should celebrate!” Kaeloo blurted out with excitement. “We should go out mini-golfing and then have sandwiches for lunch at a little café along the riverside and then stroll along the river hand in hand and then—”

_“No,”_ Mr. Cat interrupted her harshly, “we should go see your housing officer and show him this marriage certificate so he doesn’t kick me out of our apartment.”

Kaeloo blinked. “Oh.” Right. She’d almost forgotten the reason why they’d gotten married that day.

Mr. Cat held out his hand invitingly, and Kaeloo grasped it as they ambled down the hallway. “But after that,” he said with a fond, encouraging smile, “we can do whatever you’d like… Mrs. Cat.”

Kaeloo giggled, unable to stop a blush from engulfing her face. “Don’t call me that, Mr. Cat.”

“Why not? Seems appropriate, given the circumstances.” He squeezed her hand affectionately.

“What makes you assume that I’m changing my name? Maybe you should consider being the one to change your name. ‘Mr. The Frog’ has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” she said with a cheeky grin.

“You call me that and I’m never going to respond to you ever again.” A grin accompanied these words, so Kaeloo assumed that he was joking. Probably. She decided not to chance it. Still, though, she smirked back at him.

“Why not? Seems appropriate, given the circumstances.”

“Don’t push your luck, babe.” Mr. Cat stopped walking, looking directly ahead of him at the office door in their path. “Is this where all your legal mumbo-jumbo goes on?”

Kaeloo stopped too, once again shocked at how well Mr. Cat was able to navigate this building. “Yes, this is it,” she confirmed.

“Excellent.” He took a step back and motioned gallantly for Kaeloo to proceed before him. “Lead the way, dear wife.”

Kaeloo smiled and blushed again, the form of address catching her off-guard. “I like the sound of that,” she admitted.

“So do I,” Mr. Cat said with a smile. “Now march in there and announce your new title to the social officers in there so that I’m no longer in danger of being booted to the curb.”

“Very well.” Kaeloo pulled the door open, stepping in and waiting for a moment for Mr. Cat to follow her. Upon entering this familiar office, it was now her turn to navigate, moving down the cubicles and other office doors to a cubicle near the end of the room. “Mr. Schmidt?” she called out.

A dog rolled back on his swivel chair. “Oh, hi, Kaeloo. I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon. What’s up?”

Kaeloo opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get a word out, Mr. Cat stepped forward, holding the marriage certificate in front of him in an almost bellicose manner. “Hi. I’m Kaeloo’s husband,” he announced himself.

“Oh… okay.” Mr. Schmidt looked towards Kaeloo questioningly.

Kaeloo simply shrugged with a coy smile. “He really, really didn’t want to leave,” she said by way of explanation. “So that’s what we were doing just now… getting married.”

“So this is enough, right?” Mr. Cat demanded. “I can keep living with her?”

“Sure,” Mr. Schmidt said amiably. “I’ll just need to scan in a copy of your marriage certificate into your file.” He held out a hand for it, and Mr. Cat gave it to him compliantly. “A pretty hasty decision,” Mr. Schmidt remarked as he ran the document through the scanner on his desk. “You must either be really attached to that apartment, or really attached to her.”

“Oh, mostly her,” Mr. Cat answered instantly, “although the apartment is very nice too, for its size. I especially like the little desk nook.”

Kaeloo chuckled, somewhat surprised at how quickly Mr. Cat could turn on his ‘charmer’ mode. “We were already engaged,” she quickly explained, “so it was just a decision of getting it done today, rather than getting married at all.”

“Ah, I see,” said Mr. Schmidt. “No reason to wait, I’ve always thought. Even if you don’t have government bureaucrats breathing down your necks.” He clacked away at his keyboard for a few more seconds, then handed the marriage certificate back to Mr. Cat. “Alright, you’re all good to go. You won’t be getting any eviction notice, Mr….” He squinted at the screen. “Um, Mr. Cat. You got a first name?”

“Sure I do. It’s ‘Mister’.”

Mr. Schmidt, whose nameplate on his desk clearly showed that his first name was Frank, blinked a few times before finally shrugged. “Eh, I’ve heard stranger names. I’m going to actually spell it out in your wife’s file, though.”

“I don’t care how you spell it, just as long as I don’t get kicked out.”

“Don’t worry, that’s not going to happen. Congratulations on your marriage, by the way.” He shook first Mr. Cat’s hand, then Kaeloo’s. “I’ll see you in a week for your next review, then.”

“See you then! Thank you, Mr. Schmidt!” Kaeloo exclaimed happily.

As the two newlyweds walked away from the cubicle and back towards the main office door, Mr. Cat smirked at Kaeloo knowingly. “See? Didn’t I tell you it would be the easiest thing in the world? All those tears you cried were for nothing.”

Kaeloo sniffled once, realizing that there were still a few happy tears waiting to break free, but what actually came out was a sharp laugh. “My parents are going to kill us when they find out we got married without telling them,” she said through her laughs.

“Why would they have wanted to see this part? This was the boring part. They’ll still get to see the big ceremony, whenever it will be. Your dad will get to walk you down the aisle while you’re wearing your perfectly fancy dress and the music’s swelling…” Mr. Cat smiled warmly at her. “That will be the best part, seeing you like that.”

Kaeloo smirked playfully. “And I’ll get to see you in a tux. I want some eye-candy too, you know!”

“Aren’t I enough eye-candy out of one?” Mr. Cat winked.

“Oh, Kaeloo! Fancy seeing you here!”

The voice stopped Kaeloo and Mr. Cat in their tracks just before they’d reached the main door. To Kaeloo’s shock, it was the teacher of her career readiness class, Mrs. Perez.

“Oh! Mrs. Perez! G-good afternoon!” she spluttered.

“We missed you in class today,” the slender deer said.

Kaeloo blushed. “Yes, well, I—I was taking care of a, um, predicament that arose—_I’m married!”_ she blurted out joyously. _“I just got married!_ Mrs. Perez, this is my husband, Mr. Cat!” she blabbed, motioning towards him. Mr. Cat smirked a bit awkwardly at her display, but still regarded Mrs. Perez with a friendly nod.

“Wow, really? Congratulations!” Mrs. Perez dug through her large messenger tote, procuring a blue folder. “I have something for you, but I’m afraid it’s paltry in comparison to a marriage!” She handed the folder to Kaeloo. “You’ve passed the course. Your certificate of completion is in here. Congratulations… again!”

Kaeloo’s eyes bulged, too surprised to take the folder from her. “I… passed? But… how? I thought I was doing a terrible job!”

“You were hard to place, but that certainly doesn’t mean anything about your performance was terrible. I’ve included a list of places that are hiring right now, who are in an agreement with us to give special consideration to individuals who go through our program, and who I think could be a good fit for you.”

Kaeloo’s fingers were finally able to move, grasping the folder and flipping it open. “’Parkside Plunge’?” she asked, reading aloud the first entry on her list. “What’s that?”

“That’s the waterpark on the west side of town. You’ve never been there?”

Kaeloo shook her head. Mr. Cat winced. “Sounds like agony to me.”

“Oh, but Mr. Cat, waterslides and wave pools are fun!” Kaeloo countered.

“They’re so much fun that the park’s had a huge influx of visitors this summer and is needing some more lifeguards for the season,” said Mrs. Perez. “It’ll only be a seasonal job, but given your propensity towards helping others, I thought this might be the good fit you’re looking for.”

Kaeloo drew in her breath, her body awash with hope and exhilaration. “I’ll get to help save lives _and_ make sure people follow all the rules? _It’s the most perfect job in the world!”_

“You get to wear a sexy swimsuit, too,” Mr. Cat added approvingly.

“Now, don’t get too ahead of yourself,” Mrs. Perez warned. “You still have to interview for the job before you get it. Just remember what you learned in my class and you should do just fine. And if not, there’s other places you can apply on this list as well. If you need any more options or have any questions, feel free to give me a call. I’ve included my card in your folder. Good luck! And congrats again on your marriage!” With that and one last encouraging smile, she continued down through the office corridors towards wherever she had been headed.

“Th-thank you! Thank you very much!” Kaeloo called after her, her lower lip quivering happily.

“Nice job, babe,” Mr. Cat said with a soft smile, kissing the side of her face. “Here, let me put our marriage certificate in your folder too, so it doesn’t get bent.”

“Can you believe how perfectly everything is working out?!” Kaeloo exclaimed. “Now we have to go celebrate our good—”

_“No,”_ Mr. Cat interrupted sternly, “not yet. Now we need to go to this waterpark and get you in for a job interview.”

“Oh, right.” Kaeloo laughed at herself, not even this reminder of her duties enough to deflate her optimism and cheer in the slightest. “Why do you have to be so responsible?”

“Yeah, something’s seriously wrong when _I’m_ the responsible one in this relationship,” Mr. Cat teased her, pushing open the main office door. “Let’s get you employed so that the scales tip back in your favor. Plus, I want to see what your work uniform will be.” He waggled his eyebrows at her.

Kaeloo gave him a severe smile, following him out of the office. “Behave yourself, Mr. Cat!”

…

The “Acing Your Job Interview: Giving Your Best Impression and Getting Your Best Job!” video that had been shown in Kaeloo’s career preparedness class had not been the most adequate form of preparation for this particular interview. That video had featured polished young professionals in classy attire, giving poised interviews in a conference room, talking up their skills to the even more professionally dressed team interviewing them and answering any questions they had.

But no, this interview was held with only the head lifeguard, a personable and casual otter named Bonnie who didn’t seem much older than Kaeloo, and instead of a meeting in a sterile office at a round table, they were seated on plastic chairs near the edge of the dining area of the largest restaurant in the park, the two of them having to pull their chairs a bit farther away from the table to be able to hear each other over the chatter of the end of the lunch rush. And instead of being fed a series of questions from a form, Bonnie simply started things off by asking Kaeloo to tell her a bit about herself, and after some initial faltering and searching for words, Kaeloo was off, throwing herself headlong into how and why she’d ended up in New Cross City and all her trials upon arriving there.

“…and I felt so overwhelmed in that class sometimes, because it was hard to articulate all of my strengths—oh yes! I do have strengths! I should probably mention those!” Kaeloo blurted out with realization. “I’m a very hard worker, I’m punctual, I’m very organized, I’m a quick learner, I—”

“Can you swim?” Bonnie interrupted.

“I—oh, yes. Yes, I can swim.” Kaeloo blushed awkwardly, feeling silly for forgetting to mention _that_ important skill.

“Good. That’s the most important thing. Everything else will come later.” Bonnie grinned at Kaeloo. “And I have a feeling everything else won’t be a problem for you. Have you ever been here at Parkside Plunge before?”

Kaeloo shook her head. “No, I’m afraid I haven’t.”

“Oh, you’ll love it here. All of our guests are repeat customers, and our staff—they all have fun too, and have a camaraderie that just can’t be beat! So—” Bonnie pulled out her cell phone, scrolling through what was evidently a calendar. “It looks like we have lifeguard training and certification Saturday morning, real early, at seven o’clock. It’ll last for four hours. Can you be here for that?”

Kaeloo nodded eagerly.

“Alright! I’ll see you then.” Bonnie slipped her phone back in her backpack and stood up to leave.

“Does—does this mean I’m hired?” Kaeloo asked anxiously.

Bonnie laughed. “Yes, contingent on your passing the training and certification on Saturday. But that shouldn’t be a problem. Unless nothing catastrophically wrong happens, you can start working here bright and early on Monday!”

Kaeloo’s face broke into a giant grin, and it took everything in her to not burst into happy, relieved tears right then and there. “Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! I’ll be an asset to your team, I promise!”

“I’m sure you will! I’ll see you here bright and early on Saturday, then!” And with that Bonnie took off, the duties of the head lifeguard apparently ever present and always demanding.

Kaeloo found it difficult to move for a few moments, too overcome with emotion to be able to even stand. Was… was this day even for real? Was this really happening to her? Her, Kaeloo, the weirdo, the unlovable freak, the awkward and volatile failure at everything, had somehow managed to get a husband _and_ a job _both in the very same day?!_

Things really _were_ turning out alright for her.

The sudden glee and jubilation that these thoughts stoked were enough to make Kaeloo able to move again—indeed, she practically shot out of her seat like a firecracker. “Mr. Cat!” she called out joyously, scrambling towards the restaurant ordering window. _“Mr. Cat!”_

While she had been in her interview, Mr. Cat had taken the opportunity to grab some lunch from the lunch stand, as their ‘get married and find a job’ detour had interrupted his lunch at the apartment. He sat at the opposite edge of the eating area from Kaeloo and Bonnie, near the ordering windows, because this was the closest spot to the condiments. Indeed, as Kaeloo was bounding towards him like a gleeful torpedo, he was taking another large bite out of a hotdog, lathered in ketchup and mustard.

_“Mr. Cat!”_ Kaeloo shrieked, rocketing into him, nearly knocking over the chair they were now both on and sending ketchup and mustard flying everywhere. Somehow Mr. Cat managed to keep a hold of his hotdog and keep it from falling to the ground.

“So,” he chuckled once he’d gathered his composure, “I take it you got the job?”

“I contingently got the job, yes!” Kaeloo cried, beaming with happiness and pride.

“Contingent on what?”

“On passing the training and certification. That’s this Saturday morning. But if I pass that, then she said I could start on Monday!”

“Excellent.” Mr. Cat grasped her and lifted her off of his body, although he was flashing her a genuinely proud smile. “Hopefully once you’re an employee you can get some employee discounts on the food here. For coming from an overpriced grease bucket food stand in an overpriced park, this hotdog’s pretty damn good.”

Upon seeing his mostly eaten lunch, Kaeloo’s stomach growled noisily. “Goodness, I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast,” she realized. Breakfast hadn’t really been that long ago, true, but it sure felt that way. After all, at breakfast this morning, she didn’t yet have a job. Or a husband.

Mr. Cat motioned towards the table. “Say no more, babe. I’ve got you covered.” And there, indeed, was another hotdog, untouched, with a large drink by it.

Kaeloo eagerly lunged for it, squeaking out what felt like her hundredth “thank you” of the day. She wolfed it down as Mr. Cat finished his, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin and smirking at Kaeloo.

“So… lifeguard Kaeloo, huh? You’re right, it’s basically the perfect job for you. Although I’m a little disappointed in the swimsuits the lifeguards here wear. They’re pretty frumpy looking.” He licked his lips at her sensually. “I’m sure you’ll still look astounding in it, though.”

Fortunately, Kaeloo had already swallowed the bite of hotdog in her mouth at that statement, so the embarrassed chuckle that escaped her lips wasn’t cut off by a choke. As the sound faded, however, she didn’t take another bite, instead looking down at her lunch and trying to convince herself that her focus, if even on that, was real and concrete. Because there was that feeling again… dizzy, lightheaded, as if she was walking in a pleasant mist of a dream rather than reality.

“What is it?” Mr. Cat asked her, concerned.

Kaeloo lifted her gaze to him. “I’m just… in a state of shock and disbelief, I guess. Did I really get a husband _and_ a job in the same day? Am I really this lucky? Is this even real? Or is it just another game?”

Mr. Cat’s worry melted into a warm, sincere smile. “It’s real.” He leaned forward, placing a hand on her knee and squeezing it affectionately. “That means that we now have _two_ things to celebrate today. Do you still want to go out on the town and celebrate?”

Kaeloo nodded eagerly. “Yes, of course!” The motion nearly knocked the hotdog out of her hands, and she quickly and awkwardly grasped it before it fell out of her grip entirely. “Once I finish lunch, that is. And only if you want to.”

“Of course I do.” He smirked playfully. “Lead the way, my goddess of fun and joy, and I’ll follow. I only ask that you preferably lead the way to at least one place with booze so that—”

“Mr. Cat, this is not the occasion to get drunk!”

“I never said I was planning on that. But some celebratory drinks and a toast to your imminent employment—even _you_ can’t object to that, right?”

It was Kaeloo’s turn to break into a playful smirk. “When you put it that way, I might have a celebratory drink myself.”


	16. Outrageously Invasive Questions

Kaeloo was still glowing with bliss as she placed her leftover slice of triple chocolate cake into the refrigerator that evening, the days’ events enjoyed with her new husband settling into her memories, nestling in there in a way that most certainly would be permanent.

Her first choice for celebratory activities was playing mini golf at a cute themed course with an ocean motif. That had been so much fun—but then again, playing any kind of game was almost always fun for her. Mr. Cat won, of course, but she didn’t really mind so much. They had gone to the movie theater next to catch a matinee flick, and Kaeloo let Mr. Cat choose the movie. This meant that rather than seeing the period romance she had hoped for, they instead sat through a ridiculous popcorn action thriller. Even then, though, Kaeloo found herself enjoying it—and enjoying her husband’s company, for despite the film’s subject matter, he’d still taken the opportunity to make out with her in the blackened theater. And that, Kaeloo thought to herself with a satisfied grin, was why she’d made sure that they sat in the back.

After that they went out to dinner, at a very fancy steakhouse—Kaeloo had balked at the extravagance, but Mr. Cat had insisted. Of course, once in there Kaeloo was a complete failure at being elegant as the venue required, excitedly announcing to the waiter that _we just got married today and I’m SOOO happy!_ This announcement had worked out in their favor, though, as the restaurant had given them a free desert as a way of congratulations. After having a rather late lunch, along with popcorn at the movies, they were a bit too full to eat it there, so they had taken it home to eat later.

Closing the refrigerator door, Kaeloo sighed happily. After a day containing all of that, she felt rather tired, but in a good way. In a way that left her wanting nothing more than to just lie back and stare at the ceiling and drift off to sleep.

Well, _almost_ nothing more. There was one other little thing.

And, just as she expected, Mr. Cat had the exact same thing on his mind. He moved towards her and embraced her, and Kaeloo wrapped her arms around his shoulders approvingly and longingly as well. “Hello, wife,” he said in a low purr, tilting her head for a kiss.

“Hello, husband,” Kaeloo responded with a slight blush.

Their lips met unhurriedly, languidly, tenderly.

“We have a marriage to consummate,” Mr. Cat reminded her after a few moments.

“I know,” smiled Kaeloo. “I was hoping that was on your mind.”

“Oh, baby, it’s been on my mind all day.” He led her to the bed, lying her down on her back with a growl as he slid on top of her. “I’ve been wanting to bang you ever since we walked out of that courtroom.”

“Only since then? Not sooner?” Kaeloo teased.

“Ah, you got me,” Mr. Cat conceded. “You know me too well.” Sliding one hand down her leg, he used the other to cup her chin. “Since we’re no longer living in sin,” he said, drawing her mouth to his and grazing her lips with his words, “we’re going to have to make this extra dirty to make up for it.”

“Oh, just make love to me,” Kaeloo murmured. “I’m far too soporific to be able to keep up with your kinks tonight.”

“Soporific.” Mr. Cat snorted lightly at that. “Such a sexy word.” He touched his lips to hers softly and gently… almost too gently from what Kaeloo had been expecting. Sheesh, just because she didn’t want to indulge in all of their kinks tonight didn’t mean that she wanted him to act like she was made of tissue paper. She opened her mouth a bit, coaxing his tongue inside, but even then he was two steps behind her, far more reactive than proactive. His hand on her leg wasn’t even doing anything.

Concerned, Kaeloo backed her head away. “What’s the matter? Did me saying that word really turn you off that much?”

“Oh god no, I’m—I’m not turned off at all—it’s just—” Mr. Cat tried to give her an encouraging smile, but it emerged much too shaky to do much by the way of reassurance. He appeared to be almost on the edge of tears, a state from him that Kaeloo hadn’t witnessed quite like this before now.

“Mr. Cat! What’s wrong?” she cried out worriedly.

“I—I don’t get this,” Mr. Cat choked out, laughing roughly through his trembling lower lip. “Why am I getting so choked up? All that changed was that we just signed some legal papers. It’s just marriage—it doesn’t really mean anything.” He laughed helplessly again, wiping a stray tear from his eye. “Shit. What’s happening to me?”

Kaeloo beamed warmly. “Oh, honey,” she said, bringing her hands to the side of his face, “it’s because I’m your _wife_ now!”

Mr. Cat choked out a more realized sob, still smiling, and cupped her cheek again. “Yes, yes you are.”

Their kiss this time was much more tender and emotive.

As they kissed, Mr. Cat ran his hand down between her legs, and Kaeloo didn’t have to look to tell that she had both sets of sexual organs again. She smiled in satisfaction. It would have been hard to fathom even just a few months ago, but if this was her normal, she was now perfectly content with it.

Upon feeling her smile against his lips, Mr. Cat pulled away, smirking at her, only the slightest trace of tears left on his face. “Alright, love, I know what you want,” he said, sliding down her torso and taking her penis in his mouth, the hand that had been enticing between her legs now dipping into her vulva.

Kaeloo moaned softly, sinking back into the mattress. The feeling of him sucking up and down her length was strong enough that she had to focus all of her concentration on not rocking her hips upwards to match him, the part of her just wanting to enjoy the sensation only barely stronger than the part that wanted to just shoot her load in his mouth.

So much for soporific.

After a minute or two that felt wondrously felt at least twice as long, he pulled back and climbed back on top of her. “I can’t hold back any longer,” he admitted lustfully, repositioning her hips before entering her, Kaeloo simply giving another low, approving moan in response.

After a few thrusts into her, getting no response other than the subdued, guttural moans, Mr. Cat paused for a second with a disapproving smack of his lips. “Come on, baby,” he pleaded, “make some noise for your husband.”

Kaeloo groaned softly again. “Isn’t this enough?” she asked him.

“I want more,” he said to her, nearly begging.

“You’ll get what you get,” Kaeloo responded simply. Turning her face into her pillow. “You make me feel so good that I just want to lie here and let it consume me completely.”

He barked out a laugh at that, rocking his hips against her once more. “You’re always the one in charge,” he conceded.

Kaeloo turned her head back towards him. “If—if you want me to do more, I will—”

“No, don’t say—”

“I’ll do anything for you,” Kaeloo continued, ignoring his demand.

Mr. Cat sighed helplessly, thrusting into her once more. “If you just want to lie here, you can. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything more.” With another grin, he added deviously, “I can’t complain either way.”

“Then don’t,” Kaeloo said with a smirk.

“I’m not.” He leaned down and kissed her, restarting a steady, gentle rhythm. Kaeloo didn’t mind the slowdown; in fact, she let out a sigh of approval that was louder than before, partly to give him the vocalizations he wanted, but also just because it felt so damn good. She closed her eyes and smiled, letting him love her in such a tantalizing way.

Mr. Cat kissed her lips once more, almost hesitatingly. “Kaeloo,” he murmured, “I’ve been thinking…”

“Mmm?” She didn’t even open her eyes.

“You’ve inspired me to become more accountable. I’m going to try to find a job, too.”

“Okay,” Kaeloo responded simply, wondering why he thought mid-coitus was a good time to bring this up.

“I know I’m probably not very employable—I never finished school, I don’t have experience in anything worthwhile, but I’m still going to try. I don’t want the burden of finances to be solely on your shoulders.”

“Okaaaay…” Kaeloo finally opened her eyes. “Why are you telling me this now?”

Mr. Cat didn’t get the hint. “I’ll wait tables, I’ll bag groceries—hell, I’ll even work at McDaube if I have to—“

_“Mr. Cat!”_ Kaeloo shouted. “Why are you ruining the moment with this kind of talk?!”

Mr. Cat’s rhythm stopped for just a moment for him to blink at her in confusion, before suddenly smirking that devious grin of his. “Or maybe a janitor. I’m willing to mop up everyone’s piss and shit for a little extra cash.”

Kaeloo could feel herself tremble with red-hot irritation. Dear god, he was doing this on _purpose_. Of _course_ he was doing this on purpose. He always did. He wouldn’t let their first night of intimacy as a married couple be any different. The only surprise here was that Kaeloo was surprised by this.

She took a deep breath, remembering what Dr. Clark had told her.

_Redirect your anger._

That was the key, after all. Don’t ignore it. Don’t push it aside. Just redirect the feelings into something positive.

Like… adrenaline.

Like passion. Like the desire to please her husband the way he pleased her.

She exhaled, and let go of her need for control, and for the first time she could remember, when she transformed, it felt empowering. By relinquishing control, she gained control. An oxymoron if there ever was one.

Mr. Cat, now looking almost laughably small between her legs, drew in an awed, shaky breath. “Oh hell yes,” he whispered.

_“Is this what you want?”_ Bad Kaeloo growled, trying not to shout like she normally did. Not that Mr. Cat cared what she sounded like, she knew.

“Oh, you know it, baby!” Mr. Cat picked up his rhythm to double time, and despite her different size and shape, Bad Kaeloo found it just as stimulating as before, and her moans of ecstasy were nowhere near as silent as they had been.

_“Just… ASK NEXT TIME!”_ she managed to cry out.

“No way, pissing you off is too much fun.” He continued to pound her relentlessly, and she ferociously and greedily dug her fingers into his back, which only made him yelp out with even more pleasure than before. This only stimulated Bad Kaeloo further, and while she was unable to bring her mouth towards him to bite him like she wanted to, she still brought a hand to his ass and squeezed it roughly as she cried out again and again with delight.

“Oh fuck,” Mr. Cat gasped out, “I’m—I’m gonna—“

And with one final, forceful thrust, he shook and twitched inside of her, and the sudden shock with realization of what just happened caused Bad Kaeloo to shrink back down to her normal form, Mr. Cat awkwardly falling on top of her with the change.

“Ah… _god_ that was… you okay?” Mr. Cat panted, stroking a concerned paw across her face.

“Yes…” Kaeloo smiled shakily, glad to have pleased him as much as she did, but her eyes flickered down to her still very erect penis with a twinge of disappointment. “It’s just that I didn’t come.”

“You… you still can.” Taking a few more deep breaths, Mr. Cat rolled off of her and onto his back, spreading his legs and lifting his buttocks up a little bit. “Go ahead. Come inside of me.”

Kaeloo didn’t move, only turning her head to look him in the eye. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.”

Kaeloo regarded him for only a moment longer before rising upright and moving over on her knees to position herself between his legs. She dipped a few fingers into her vagina and coated them, then rubbed them on her erection.

“Aw, come on, babe, I don’t want lubrication,” Mr. Cat protested. “I want it raw and rough.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Kaeloo protested. In response to Mr. Cat’s sardonic raised eyebrow at her statement, she amended, “I don’t want to _harm_ you.” With care and precision she entered him, biting her lip to keep from crying out from the ecstasy of feeling him around her so tightly.

“Aw, _fuck_, you feel amazing,” Mr. Cat gasped out.

“Watch your language,” Kaeloo chided, giving him a sardonic smirk.

“Oh, like you give a shit about my language anymore.” Mr. Cat matched her smirk. “In fact I think you like hearing it when we’re fucking… it lets you know just how amazing you make me feel.”

Kaeloo blushed, not able to rebuff that observation. “You could still stand to make better word choices.” She pushed into him, pulled back, and pushed again, trying to imitate the slow pace he had done into her earlier.

“I’ll get you to cuss one of these days,” Mr. Cat said with a low groan, leaning back into the mattress.

Continuing her pace, Kaeloo simply exhaled roughly, not wanting to let him know that inwardly she was swearing up a storm. Goddamn he felt so good. She could tell she wasn’t going to last very long; she had been rather close to coming before he ultimately did, after all, so she tried her absolute hardest to keep her pace slow enough to make it last at least a little longer.

Mr. Cat was also breathing heavily through her thrusts, looking towards his side, but after a moment he abruptly turned his face back to her, the same openness and vulnerability from before glimmering in his eyes. “I love you,” he choked out.

Kaeloo’s eyes welled with sudden, surprised tears. She didn’t expect that. She _never_ expected that. She realized that their affection for each other would largely remain unspoken, especially on his end, and that didn’t bother her—she didn’t need him to say how he felt, after all; she could tell by his actions how much he cared for her. But to hear it now, in the depths of their newlywed vulnerability, was something unlike she’d ever experienced before. “I love you too,” she whispered, unable to rein in her pace, and after a few frenzied thrusts she found her release in him, crying out sharply with the climax.

She collapsed on him, and he took her in his arms, and they both panted heavily, trying to catch their breath.

Finally, Kaeloo was able to roll over to her side, pulling out of him as she did so. “That was amazing…” she breathed.

“Very much so,” Mr. Cat agreed, pressing his forehead against hers.

For a few precious moments they remained like this, their breathing slowing and matching in time with each other’s, wanting nothing else than to remain in each other’s arms.

The reverent silence was broken by Mr. Cat. “Kaeloo?” he said softly.

“Hmm?”

Mr. Cat brought his hand to her chin, bidding her to look his way. “Now that we’re married… I ought to tell you my name.”

Kaeloo blinked slowly and stupidly at this, the weight of the statement taking a moment to set in. Well… duh. Obviously his name wasn’t actually something as formal and detached like “Mister Cat”. In fact it was almost past the point of ridiculousness that Kaeloo had gone this long without questioning it. “Okay,” she answered him, grasping his other hand in hers.

He hesitated, his eyes darkening with an obvious internal struggle. Kaeloo squeezed his hand reassuringly, readying herself for the name to come out. Obviously it was something that upset him. Probably it was something embarrassing, like “Gaylord” or “Horace” or something along those lines. Or maybe it was one of those once perfectly acceptable names for men that had been taken over by girls, like “Ashley” or “Evelyn”. Even if it was the most humiliating name in the world, however, Kaeloo knew that she couldn’t laugh. He was choosing to trust her with this uncomfortable knowledge and she had to be worthy of that trust. 

She waited for a few more long moments, before Mr. Cat finally sighed in defeat.

“It’s Henry.”

Kaeloo had to blink a few times in utter confusion, not expecting such a perfectly ordinary name after that buildup. It was the most anticlimactic reveal she had ever experienced. “Henry,” she repeated, more for clarification than astonishment. Mr. Cat winced a bit at the name, but nodded. “That’s a nice name,” Kaeloo admitted truthfully. What else was there to say?

Mr. Cat chuckled harshly at that. “I’ll leave you to your opinion.”

“Do you want me to call you that?”

“I’d really rather you didn’t.”

“Alright.” Kaeloo smiled fondly at him. “Mr. Cat it is.” In all honestly, at this point it would have been strange to refer to him as anything else. “Unless you want me to call you something else.”

“Oh, ‘Glorious and Amazingly Sexy Husband Who Can Do No Wrong’ should do just fine.”

Kaeloo snorted, smiling sarcastically. “In your dreams, Mr. Cat.” She brought a hand to his chest and touched it lightly, her smile fading a bit. “Why don’t you like your name?” she asked. She didn’t want to dwell on something that upset him, of course, but at the same time she was still confused more than anything else and needed at least some explanation.

Mr. Cat sighed, his eyes darting downward. “Just… bad memories, I suppose. I can’t remember hearing it spoken in a way that wasn’t accusatory, or spiteful, or… hateful.”

“Oh, honey,” Kaeloo sighed piteously, pressing her forehead against his once more. “You know I wouldn’t ever say it like that. –Well, except maybe accusatory, but only when it’s warranted.”

“What?” Mr. Cat exclaimed in a rather over-the-top manner. “You don’t believe that I will only be on my absolute best behavior now that we’re married?!”

Kaeloo smirked, closing her eyes. “I’m not _that_ stupid.”

Goodness. What a day. She felt like she was ready to sleep for a month straight. It was practically unfathomable that they’d packed everything into a single day. Half a day, really, since Kaeloo hadn’t even arrived back at the apartment with the seemingly bad news until after noon. Even twenty years from now when remembering this day, she knew she’d still be amazed at how short of a timeframe these memories spanned…

Kaeloo jerked back, her eyes flying open. “Mr. Cat!” she cried out. “What’s today’s date?”

Mr. Cat, who had apparently been drifting off to sleep a bit as well, tensed and flinched at her gesture and volume. “Random…” he implicitly accused her, raising an eyebrow.

“We got married today! And this is going to be our anniversary! And I don’t know what day it is—I’ve lost track of the days, I’ve been so stressed about my classes…”

“Too stressed to notice the date plate on the clerk’s desk at the marriage office? You really did need a break. It’s July second.”

“July?!” Kaeloo cried out in disbelief. “I thought it was still June! How is it July already?”

“Time flies when you’re having fun, I suppose.”

“Wait!” Kaeloo yelped, once again overtaken by another urgent question.

“Are you going to keep this up all night?” Mr. Cat asked dryly.

Kaeloo ignored him. “When’s your birthday? I remember you said it was in August—and if it’s July now, I really should be planning for it, especially if it’s in the beginning of August—I might not have enough time to—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down!” Mr. Cat beseeched, grasping her hands. “Not everything needs a giant plan and celebration, you know. You’re being awfully demanding today. First I tell you my name, then you ask for the date, and then you want to know my birthday?! This is getting a little too personal for me, froggy.” His words were accompanied by a sarcastic grin, however, which made Kaeloo laugh a little bit, relieving some of the tension in her body.

“Mr. Cat,” she said with a teasing grin of her own, “if you don’t tell me your birthday, I’ll throw a party for you every single day in August just so I’m sure that I won’t miss it.”

“There’s no need to go nuts like that. You have until the ninth to come up with something. Don’t get too carried away with your party plans.” He smirked lightly. “All I need to have a good time is beer and you.”

“And cake,” Kaeloo reminded, smiling more fully with satisfaction. August ninth. August ninth and July second, the two new dates she had to commit to memory. That wouldn’t be a problem; she could already feel them firmly etching themselves in her mind.

“And now,” Mr. Cat said, leering at her slightly, “after all these _outrageously invasive_ questions, I think it’s only fair I get to ask you one now.”

Kaeloo blanched a bit, but kept her gaze on him fully. He was right; it was only fair. “Okay. What is it?”

“When is _your_ birthday?”

“Oh! Of course!” Kaeloo laughed lightly. “It’s… uh…” And then she faltered, biting her lip.

“Seriously?” Mr. Cat was far more surprised than annoyed, although his eyebrow still curved upward critically. “You can’t remember?”

“No, I—it’s in April, I know that—” Kaeloo squinted, running through all of the important dates in her mind, even this one, one that she had tried hard to forget these past two years. Muddying the waters a bit was that her father’s birthday was also in April, and she had done such a good job of repressing any thoughts of her birthday from her mind that she was unsure of which date was which. “It’s… the eighteenth. The eighteenth of April. I’m pretty sure that’s when it is.”

“Works for me,” Mr. Cat said, squeezing her hands softly. “Although if you’re still unsure we can ask your parents to confirm it.”

Kaeloo sighed with slight exasperation and embarrassment, closing her eyes and placing her forehead against Mr. Cat’s again. “I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to drop the news to them that we went and got married without telling them.”

“Whatever,” Mr. Cat said lightly, his voice drifting back into drowsiness, just like hers. “We made the right decision. Don’t be so worried, babe. Everything will work out fine. It’s already starting to.”

Kaeloo didn’t open her eyes, already and finally slipping into sleep, but she did snuggle into her husband’s arms and smile softly. True, they had gotten married much earlier than she’d planned. True, the job she’d (probably, not certainly) attained was only seasonal. She certainly couldn’t breathe completely easily just yet. And yet, right now, she strangely wasn’t worried at all. She felt that she was exactly where she needed to be.

“I know it is, honey. Thank you. Thank you for marrying me.” One soft giggle escaped her lips. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“Oh no. Whatever shall I do.” Even now he wasn’t too tired for sarcasm. Nuzzling his face into her shoulder, Mr. Cat murmured, very softly, “I told you that I’d never desert you, and I meant it.”

“I’ll never leave you either,” Kaeloo said with the last of her wakefulness. “Never, never, never, not in a million years.”

There might have been more the newlyweds wanted—or needed—to say to each other, but the sweet temptations of sleep after an eventful day had grown too strong for either to fight anymore, so they surrendered to dreamland and to their beloved’s embrace.

After all, there was no rush. They had their whole lives ahead of them to confide in each other.


	17. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. So we've finally made it to the epilogue! WOOHOO CELEBRATE!
> 
> I wrote much of this story by the seat of my pants, but I had only gotten a few chapters in before knowing that this right here would be the final chapter, no matter how many chapters came before it. I did have a few other scenes in my mind... and by a few other scenes I mean that if I had written them all down this fic would probably be twice as long as it already is lol. But I could tell I was nearing the point of burnout here, and since the other scenes were enough to be a story on their own, I made the choice to end it here. I realize that by ending it right after their marriage it might come across as if I'm implying that everything was instantly sunshine and roses for Kaeloo and Mr. Cat just because they tied the knot. That's not the case at all, and the continuation of the story I'd envisioned would show just how many more obstacles life throws in their way. But in the end, yes, they'll turn out fine. :) This epilogue most likely takes place after at least some of those unwritten trials and tribulations occurred. Maybe I'll write them down as a sequel someday... probably not anytime soon, as I do feel like burnout settled in and I just need a break from writing for awhile. But if you did happen to like this fic, I guess just keep your fingers crossed that I jump headfirst onto the fanfic writing train again soon. :)
> 
> Thank you all for reading this far. Your support means a lot to me. :)

“So the point of this game is to guess what the word is by just a drawing?” Stumpy clarified.

“Quack!” Quack Quack confirmed enthusiastically. There were a number of supplies laid out in front of the duck—a stack of plain white paper for drawing, a group of pencils, and a bucket with small, folded sheets of paper in it—the words that the one who was “it” would have to try to convey their meaning through drawing.

Olaf, sitting to Stumpy’s right, smiled confidently, pressing his wings together. “I am the assured victor of this frivolity. My illustrations appear as if from a pen of gold.”

“That’s going to be tough if you get a word like ‘silver’!” Stumpy cackled. Eugly, who was on the other side of Stumpy, laughed a bit at the joke. Even Quack Quack cracked a bit of a smirk.

“You shall see which of us is gifted with the true artist’s touch,” Olaf countered declaratorily. “Commence with the sketching, waterfowl, and let our work attest to which of us is the true master!”

“Quack,” Quack Quack responded, reaching his hand into the bucket and searching around for a bit before removing a piece of paper, opening it, and reading the word contained therein.

After taking a moment or two to ponder how to visualize it, he got to work, leaning over the paper with a look of fierce concentration, pencil flying across the page.

“Ooh! I know! It’s a panini!” Stumpy instantly shrieked out.

Quack Quack shook his head.

“A bomber jet!” Olaf tried.

Quack Quack shook his head again.

“An acorn! A joystick! A hotrod motorcycle!” Stumpy guessed wildly.

Quack Quack didn’t even acknowledge his error with a gesture, choosing instead to continue drawing.

Eugly made a speculative noise, motioning with her hands to further convey her own guess.

“Aw, come on!” Stumpy complained. “It’s not fair that she gets to play this game when you’re the judge, Quack Quack! She could be totally wrong but we’d never know it and you’ll just tell her she won because she’s your girlfriend!”

But, despite Stumpy’s prediction, Quack Quack simply looked at Eugly and shook his head again. Eugly’s shoulders sagged in slight disappointment.

“See?” Olaf said smugly. “Your skills with a pencil are quite meager, otherwise we all would have guessed it by now!”

“Ooh! I know what it is!”

Just as suddenly and abruptly as she had announced her presence, Kaeloo leapt in front of Quack Quack, pointing at his sketch excitedly. “It’s a visual representation of the abstract quality of courage! Drawn most creatively as teacups, I might add.”

Quack Quack beamed. “Quack!” he exclaimed, not so much affirming her answer as it was joy at seeing his old friend.

“Teacups? Hmph. I would have used airplanes,” Mr. Cat chided, strolling into view as well.

Stumpy squealed with glee. _“Kaeloo and Mr. Cat are back!”_ He and Quack Quack enveloped Kaeloo into a huge hug.

“It’s so good to see you again, buddies!” Kaeloo said happily, hugging them back. “And this looks like a fun game you’re playing!”

“It is! Although I think you just won.” Letting go of Kaeloo, Stumpy turned to Mr. Cat with outstretched arms, Quack Quack quickly doing the same.

Mr. Cat took a step back defensively. “Don’t even _think_ about hugging me.”

“Ah, it is indeed a pleasure to welcome back the feline and amphibian couple,” Olaf said sincerely. “How have your travels been through the worlds I shall soon conquer?”

“Not worlds, Olaf, just New Cross City,” Kaeloo said. “But it’s been going well! A few hiccups here and there, of course, but what can you do, that’s life you know…” She glanced over at Eugly, who was giving a friendly wave of greeting. “Hello, Eugly! Where’s your sister?”

“Pretty said she’d meet up with us in a short while,” Stumpy said. “She had to go meet up with her boyfriend first.”

“Boyfriend?!” Kaeloo and Mr. Cat both blurted out in disbelief simultaneously.

Since everything seemed to run perfectly on cue in Smileyland, it was at that moment that Pretty ambled into view, arm in arm with a stocky, brown bear. She stopped for just a second with slight surprise at seeing who all was there. “Oh goodness, it’s Mr. Cat, and Kaeloo! What a surprise!”

Kaeloo grinned through her slight discomfort, although a bit relieved to find that Pretty didn’t seem to be angry or upset at their presence. “Hello, Pretty! Is this your boyfriend? We just heard—”

“Oh yes, he’s my boyfriend alright!” Pretty giggled and gazed besottedly at the bear, who returned the look right back at her.

“Oh great,” Stumpy muttered to Kaeloo. “Now you’ve gone and started it…”

If this was meant to convey Stumpy’s worry that Pretty wouldn’t direct her attention towards anything else, however, he was proven wrong when after a few seconds, Pretty turned back to face the group. “This is Barry. He was one of my most devoted followers on Fakebook—he still is, in fact! When he wanted to meet me and shower all of his praises on me in person, well I of course couldn’t say no.” She grinned again.

Barry also smiled, lifting a large paw in greeting. “Yo.”

“Barry, this is Mr. Cat and Kaeloo. They used to live here. Pity poor Mr. Cat,” Pretty said with a laugh, winking up towards Barry, “he could have had me but let me slip away!”

“That is literally the last thing about me that anyone needs to pity,” Mr. Cat intoned dryly.

“Ah, Mr. Cat,” Pretty said, stepping towards him with true concern in her eyes, “please don’t take it so hard. After you left, I realized that the only person who could ever be fit to be with me was one who recognized me for the amazing person that I am, and quite frankly that person was never going to be you. And then I met Barry and he’s ten times the person and devoted follower that you’ll ever be.” She clutched a dramatic fist against her chest. “Have courage and take heart, Mr. Cat, upon the crushing realization of everything you missed out on. I’m sure your heartbreak must be immense.”

“Not in the slightest,” Mr. Cat muttered without hesitation.

“We’re not here to talk about heartbreak,” Kaeloo interrupted, although inwardly she was somewhat glad to hear this from Pretty—while she knew it wasn’t really her fault, she did feel a little guilty for how Pretty must have felt at “losing” Mr. Cat like she had. However, it appeared as though not only did she hold no ill will towards the two of them, but seemed to have not been crushed too badly by her loss and had gotten over Mr. Cat relatively quickly. Kaeloo was relieved to learn this—mostly because she knew how bad heartbreak felt and didn’t want to have been the reason, at least indirectly, that Pretty went through it. Although the true test of her feelings was going to come with what Kaeloo was about to do next.

She reached into her messenger bag and pulled out five small envelopes. “We’re here to invite you all to our wedding!”

“Ooh! Cool!” Stumpy exclaimed, taking his invitation eagerly. “I’ve never been to a real wedding before!”

“I expect only the finest refreshments and décor,” Olaf remarked.

“Ooh, don’t worry about that! I’ve been working hard on the plans lately. It’s all going to be amazing when everything comes together!” Kaeloo handed an invitation to Pretty, and gave Barry a quick glance. “Barry, you’re invited too, of course!”

“Yo,” Barry said with a satisfied nod.

“So you’re finally tying the knot, huh?” Stumpy said as Kaeloo handed the last two invitations to Eugly and Quack Quack. “There’d better be a bachelor party!” He smirked at Mr. Cat deviously.

Mr. Cat simply crossed his arms across his chest smugly. “What makes you think I’m a bachelor? Kaeloo and I are already married.”

“That’s right!” Kaeloo exclaimed. “But it was just a quick legal ceremony with none of the pomp and pizzazz that a good wedding needs! Plus,” she added quickly, “Mr. Cat pointed out that our marriage may only be legal in New Cross City and nowhere else. We want to be married here in Smileyland, too!”

“Marriages conducted elsewhere aren’t valid in Smileyland?” Olaf said, his eyes growing wide with worry. “Do you mean to say that Olga and I have been living a lie this entire time?”

“I don’t know,” Kaeloo admitted, still with a good amount of cheer. “You might be, you might not be. But you can always throw a wedding for yourself and Olga here anyway! I can help you! I’ve gotten to be very good at wedding planning!”

“Yeah, just don’t give her any more ideas,” Mr. Cat remarked dryly, although his words were accompanied with a smile.

“Quack,” Quack Quack interrupted solemnly, holding out the pencil to Kaeloo.

“Oh… it’s my turn, is it?” Kaeloo blinked once and then beamed excitedly. “Ooh, what fun! Just tell me how to play!”

“Quack.”

“That sounds simple!”

“I still don’t understand him,” Pretty complained. “Can someone translate for Barry and me?”

“Kaeloo’s going to pick something to draw from that box, and whoever guesses what she’s drawing wins!” Stumpy explained.

“Oh.” Pretty grinned, affectionately linking arms with Barry again. “Barry’s great at this game. He’ll win for sure.”

“Yo.” Barry smiled confidently.

Kaeloo bit her tongue thoughtfully, examining the slip of paper she’d pulled out of the box for a minute or two. “Okay, I think I’ve got it!” She began to carefully sketch on a blank sheet of paper, stepping aside every so often so that her friends could see.

No one was hazarding any guesses.

“It’s either a Rorschach test,” Pretty finally remarked sardonically, “or you need glasses.”

“Yo,” agreed Barry.

“Laughable,” Olaf scoffed.

“So wait, if none of us can guess what it is, does that mean Kaeloo wins?” Stumpy asked, scratching his head.

“Really, you guys!” Kaeloo cried, a bit disheartened, “it should be plain to see that it’s a—well, I’m not telling, you’re supposed to guess. But it should be obvious!”

“It’s a library,” Mr. Cat said abruptly.

Everyone turned to stare dumbly at him as Kaeloo clapped her hands gleefully. “Yes, Mr. Cat! That’s correct!”

“How did you come to that conclusion?” Pretty asked Mr. Cat.

“I’ve been around her for long enough; I’ve become somewhat of an expert as to how her mind works,” Mr. Cat responded simply with a smug smile, stepping up towards the box. “I believe it’s my turn now, babe.” He held a paw out to Kaeloo expectantly.

Kaeloo handed him the pencil, still grinning. “Here you go! I can’t wait to see what you come up with!”

“Oh, neither can I,” Mr. Cat said with a low purr as Kaeloo moved back over to where everyone else was standing. He reached into the container, quickly pulled out a slip of paper, and after a brief glance at it, he tossed it aside and got to work on his drawing.

“Ooh! It’s a tower!” Stumpy cried out.

“A rocket ship!” Kaeloo guessed.

“A heat-seeking missile!” Olaf ventured.

“Close,” Mr. Cat smirked.

“Maybe it’s a…” Pretty suddenly clamped down on her hand and snorted incredulously, her already pink face growing even more pink.

_“Yo,”_ Barry laughed, his sides shaking.

In fact, everyone was fighting down immature, perverted giggles at Mr. Cat’s incredibly phallic drawing—everyone, that is, except Kaeloo. _“Mr. Cat!”_ she hissed, growing red with equal parts embarrassment and anger, “you can’t just draw… _genitalia_ like that!”

“There we go!” Mr. Cat said triumphantly, pointing at Kaeloo. “I’ll accept that answer, although what I was really looking for was ‘Pastor Pete and his congregation’.”

_“Pastor Pete!”_ Stumpy howled out with laughter, falling against an equally amused Quack Quack.

Their raucous laughter that Pretty, Eugly, Olaf, and Barry all shared as well was not something Kaeloo was about to partake in, however.

** _“MR. CAT!”_ **

She erupted into Bad Kaeloo, glaring at her husband disapprovingly.

_“THIS NOT TIME FOR MAKING DIRTY JOKES!”_

“It’s always time for making dirty jokes,” Mr. Cat countered with a smirk.

_“ACT MATURE!”_ With a lightning fast motion, Bad Kaeloo backhanded Mr. Cat, sending him flying out of sight. Perhaps it was the abruptness of this move that caused her to instantly transform back, sighing with disappointment at herself and pressing her palm into her forehead.

“Oh dear… I hit him that way, didn’t I?” She pointed to her left.

Everyone save Barry was still chuckling, but Quack Quack managed to answer her question with a brief nod.

“Alright… I’ll be right back.” She took off running. “You can keep playing the game without us!” she called as she scrambled away from them.

“Yo…” Barry started in confusion, raising an eyebrow at what he’d just witnessed.

“Oh, she does that when she gets mad,” Pretty explained lightly. “I would say that’s just another reason to pity poor Mr. Cat, but no, the moron is with her willingly! But if he’s so stupid that he missed out on me, then that’s the price he pays! And you and I both win.” She giggled and leaned into him again.

“Yo,” Barry agreed with a nod and a smile.

…

“Mr. Cat?” Kaeloo called out tentatively, the rolling hills of Smileyland giving no clues as to his whereabouts. “Mr. Cat? I’m sorry for losing my temper…” Seemed almost a moot point to make by now, of course, since she was well aware that she would always be the one more distressed by her actions than he was, especially when it came to her bad side, but she felt she had to say it anyway, just to ease her conscience. “Mr. Cat, where are you?”

She halted at what she came across with her next step—it was the field where so many of the different portal doors were, sticking out of the ground randomly and all over the place, as if they were burgeoning mushrooms. Mr. Cat was pressed against one of them, looking up at the handle. He didn’t look to be in too much pain. “I don’t recognize this door,” he remarked.

“Are you alright?” Kaeloo asked him, kneeling in front of him to help him to his feet. “I’m sorry for hitting—”

“I know.” Mr. Cat gave her a quick, forgiving kiss on the side of her mouth. “And there’s no need to be.”

“I still am,” Kaeloo protested.

Brushing off his shoulders, Mr. Cat said nothing more, but was still giving Kaeloo a fond smile. He turned to look at the field of doors.

Kaeloo regarded them, too. This field used to always excite her and terrify her simultaneously. So many opportunities just spread before her in such a way… yet so many unknowns, too. Her natural curiosity as to what was behind all of them was not enough to overcome her fears.

She still felt a bit afraid looking them over now, to be honest, although it felt paltry compared to its previous degree. And there was something else, too… that feeling of redirecting her fear, just like she was learning to do with her anger, refocusing it into something else.

Adrenaline.

Excitement.

Mr. Cat turned to face her. “Kaeloo? Want to do something reckless?”

Kaeloo hesitated, although she couldn’t stop the pleased smile slowly making its way across her face. “Like what?”

“Well—not _too_ reckless. Do you work tomorrow?”

“No.”

“Perfect.” He grasped her hands in his. “Run away with me. Let’s just jump through one of these doors and see what we can find. I want to explore the universe with you. Just for a day. Then we can get back to New Cross City where we belong.”

_“Do_ we belong there?” Kaeloo wondered. “We could belong… _anywhere.”_ She smiled again and touched her forehead to his. “I belong with _you_, that’s all that matters to me.”

“So when I’m there, you belong there too,” Mr. Cat explained, squeezing her hands lightly. “And if I go through a random door…”

“I would follow,” Kaeloo answered quickly. “Except… not right this instant? We still have a game to finish playing with our friends, after all.”

“Oh, I think I already won that one,” Mr. Cat chuckled.

“You forfeited by drawing an inappropriately phallic design.”

“You know you liked it, babe.”

“Mr. Cat… I’m warning you…” Despite the familiar surge of power rippling through her, Kaeloo found that she was still smiling. How he’d managed to make her at peace with her unwanted ability, she’d probably never quite know for sure… but she was still so glad he’d managed to do so.

“Okay, okay, fine,” Mr. Cat laughed. “We can go back there and finish playing that game. Then I’m going to whisk you away through a door of my choosing, whether they want to keep playing with us or not.” He growled lustfully at her. “The games I have in mind are only for two.”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that,” Kaeloo said with a smirk.

“That picture guessing game? I’m not guessing again,” Mr. Cat declared as the two of them began to walk back to where the others were. “I don’t want to have to draw again. That first word I got was terrible.”

“I can’t believe something like ‘penis’ was even one of the options,” Kaeloo said.

“It wasn’t.” Mr. Cat grinned deviously. “It was ‘breakfast’. But I thought I’d liven it up a bit… I wasn’t about to let myself get stuck with a fucking shitty word like that.”

_“MR. CAT!”_ Kaeloo shrieked, transforming once more, although the smile never left her lips as she did.

“Admit it, you liked my artistic liberties!” Mr. Cat said with a gleeful cackle, breaking into a mad sprint.

His wife barreled after him, laughing elatedly as well.

And behind them, with their promise lingering in the air, the doors waited.

THE END


End file.
